QueenB Says...

Suit Shopping

2011-04-05T16:09:00.000-07:00

This year I decided to do a suit refresh. Women's suits tend to have a shorter fashion life span than men's, mostly because they have trendier details (remember shoulder pads from the 80's, long jackets from the 90's, and now the trend of short jackets?). Not only did most of my existing suits not fit well, many of them looked so early-2000s.

Here are my tips:

Buy one size up and take it to a tailor to have it fitted to YOUR body.
Find the discounts. I've bought 4 suits this year. 3 on a website called Rue La La. They have boutiques with high end clothing that you get at a drastic discount. My last purchase was an Anne Klein $400 suit for $120. I spent $75 at the tailor getting it taken in and it looks like a $600 suit. I like Beyond the Rack online as well. And Nordstrom Rack can have a good deal if you are willing to dig.
Stick with solids and pinstripes in neutral colors. Black, grey, navy, brown, tan, etc. Then add your color with the shirt underneath or shoes.
No matter what your size, a pencil skirt looks great. I promise. You may just need to get it tailored to the right fit and length.
Lately I've noticed, there are a lot of suit jackets that button high enough you don't need a shirt underneath. I got one and wore a colorful scarf in an ascot-type fashion. Adding a broach or scarf or big necklace is a must.
Change the buttons. I'm about to go on an antique and vintage store shopping spree to find fabulous buttons to swap out on my clothing. Cool, huh?
Throw away the cheap belts that come with them. Either cut off the belt loops (or have the tailor do it) or get a proper belt.
Wear proper dress shoes. I hate seeing a woman in a suit with Frankenstein boots or rubber soled shoes. If you must wear flats, don't get the kind that look like men's shoes with a 1-inch heel. Make sure they are feminine or have some sort of detail.

My last tip has to do with attitude. Don't be scared to wear a suit. Be appropriate, of course, don't wear one to a networking function where most people will be casual or business casual. But an important meeting on a Tuesday? Feel free to put one on! It will be like your super hero costume...

...QueenB Says

Here's $20

2011-03-22T07:28:00.000-07:00

On a recent trip, my friend Fifi and I were having one of those late lunches sitting at a bar with a cute bartender anticipating our every need where you have less than an hour to catch up on the past 2 years and you spend the entire time talking so fast and bouncing around from topic to topic in a way where you both are so on and orchestrated that it almost feels like you have memorized and rehearsed a script and are just playing it out for the final cut. You know those?

Now, I think you can call yourself brilliant once a month and that still keeps you in the confident, not conceited category. Well, Fifi was brilliant.

We were talking about people that need advice. The kind no one will give them. And she posed the idea of how philanthropic it would be to actually give them that advice, and to soften the blow you give them $20. It's like charity! "Here's $20. You drink too much." "Here's $20. Everyone around you isn't stupid/lazy/unreasonable. You are." "Here's $20. You are lucky to have her and you will never get anyone better. Marry her." At the time, this sounded much more brilliant.

Well, not a week later, I'm having dinner with 2 of my best girlfriends. And we decide that we are some of the most together and brilliant people we know. And wondered aloud if people would actually pay us to help them become awesome too. See why they are some of my best girlfriends?

I get that at this point I'm paying the $20 and I'm pondering getting people to pay me, so I'm back at ZERO. But humor me. In less than a week, 3 brilliant girlfriends and I had conversations about how we can save the world one person at a time by just speaking the truth. Obviously this is a need.

What am I going to do about it? I don't know yet. But stay tuned...

...QueenB Says

Working It Out

2011-03-14T18:13:00.000-07:00

As I posted last week, I've been sick. Two weeks of recuperating from a cold and bronchitis meant no working out. I was pretty good at not beating myself up because of it. So, let's call that a success in treating myself well and having perspective, don't you think?

Well, it did give me a chance to pay attention to how I feel when I work out and how different I feel when I don't work out. Here's what I noticed:

I sleep remarkably better when I work out.
I need more sleep. Shockingly, about 2.5 hours more.
I worry much less about what I eat when I work out. Duh, right? But I crave about 500-800 calories more and I still don't worry.
I do not have any aches or pains when I work out. Whether I'm sitting in my chair at work, the couch at night, or in my bed, I get no back pain or hip pain or that weird foot cramp I kept getting when I didn't work out.
My mornings feel more rushed when I don't work out, which seems odd since I do it in the morning. Must be the planning that goes into it or the endorphins.
My days, even though they have been equally as busy and planned, feel much less overwhelming when I work out.

I can hear the cynical ones now: this is comparing your sick self to your well self. Could be. My question is: what if all of the above, all of the things that make me physically and mentally better, are because of working out? What if they are the cause? I'd bet they are. At least a high percentage of of the cause. But I figure I enjoy my daily routine of aerobic and anaerobic exercise so much, it doesn't matter why I feel better. I just do.

And the side effects are not the heinous things you hear recited at the end of pharmaceutical commercials. They are things like, weight maintenance, muscle tone, better lung capacity, cholesterol control, heart health. Look good and feel good? I'll take it...

...QueenB Says

Taste of My Own Medicine

2011-03-08T08:01:00.000-08:00

I have blogged about balance and priorities and health and taking good care of yourself incessantly. I guess I need to take my own advice.

I got a cold last Sunday, the kind where you are achy and have a fever and basically feel miserable. I worked sick every day, I came home sick every day, and I sleeping sick was the worst! After 6 days of this, I went back to the doctor and was diagnosed with bronchitis. That I got because I didn’t take care of my cold. I spent the weekend as a ghost of myself. I set up the guest room as my sick room and only came out a few hours here or there to basically sit quietly on the couch.

I am finally on the road to recovery and almost back to 100%. Which means I’ve started analyzing and criticizing myself… Why didn’t you take a sick day? One day off might mean that you would have been well 5 days earlier! Is anything more important than your health? Are you not a priority? Is it fair that you gave everything you had every day to work and came home to be a silent, unengaged wife? You haven’t worked out in over a week!

I know, I know, I am trying to be kind to myself, and it’s getting easier the better I feel. But, dammit, I know better! Next time I will take my own advice…

…QueenB Says

Lucky?

2011-03-01T12:39:00.000-08:00

I am on the board of directors for the professional women's group at my company. We do things like bring in personal and professional development speakers and encourage and provide the opportunity for networking. It's a rewarding part of my corporate life that has allowed me to develop myself in many new ways and develop some strong friendships, that I know will be lifelong. I am lucky.

Or am I?

In this role, I get the opportunity to speak with and work with many amazing and accomplished women. I was on the phone with one who advises our group and others like ours. In the course of conversation she asked how things were going at my company overall. I answered energetically that things were going very well, we were exceeding numbers, the company was growing, our management team is bringing in new perks every day, and I was having the most fun... and I feel so lucky.

She said, "Betsy, can I offer you some coaching right now?". Of course, I responded affirmatively. Then she said some of the best advice I've received of late.

"You are not lucky. You made it happen. You are there because of what you do. Quit giving away the credit."

Wow.

That is so right on. Lucky insinuates that I have nothing to do with it, and that is far from the truth. I show up most days with my game face on, ready to play, and I work hard. I continue to put effort into developing my knowledge and skill set and I learn from my mistakes.

Once it was pointed out to me, I realized how much I say that I am lucky. I say it all the time, about all kinds of things. But in reality, I'm grateful. Time to stop giving away the credit to some twist of fate fairie or magic genie.

As much as I try, I still catch myself saying it. So if you hear me give the credit to my wish on a falling star, remind me that I'm grateful, not lucky...

...QueenB Says

Kick It Into Gear

2011-02-22T09:31:00.000-08:00

It's about that time! The time when the gym finally clears out a bit because the resolutioners have given up. While I'm glad to have my treadmill back, I want all of YOU to keep moving.

So, I thought I'd share a few of my favorite 30 minute workouts.

Elliptical
Here is a great interval workout I love on the elliptical.
Minute 1 - Level 4
Minute 2 - Level 5
Minute 3 - Level 6
Minute 4 - Level 7
Minute 5 - Level 8
Starting at the 5 minute mark spend 30 seconds going as fast as you can go, back to regular pace for 90 seconds, repeat at every odd minute, 7, 9, and so on.
Stop at 25 minutes total.
You'll end up doing a total of 5 minutes at a very high intensity pace.
Tip - When you are sprinting, hold your core very tight. It will keep you stable and give you a great ab workout.
End your cardio with some ab work for 5 minutes.

Weights
This workout should take you about 30 minutes. Figure out what weight works for you, I'm just posting what I use.
Bench press with bar - 3 sets of 10 - 45 lb (that is what a typical bar with no weights weighs)
Bent over row with dumbbells - 3 sets of 10 - 30 lb
Overhead press with dumbbells - 3 sets of 10 - 30 lb
Bicep curl with dumbbells - 3 sets of 10 - 30 lb
Tricep extension with dumbbell - 3 sets of 10 each arm - 10 lb
Squat with dumbbells - 2 sets of 15 - 40 lb
Walking or stationary lunges - 30 each leg - 40 lb
Dead lift with dumbbells - 2 sets of 15 - 40 lb
Lower ab lift (lie on a flat surface and raise both legs while keeping them straight) - 30
Ball crunches (using one of the big exercise balls) - 30
Here's the kicker: do 25 jumping jacks between each exercise.

Run
Get your music and start running.
At the start of every song stop and do one of the following:
30 squats
30 walking lunges
30 push ups on a bench if you can find one
30 tricep dips on a bench
I usually go through this list twice.
With a warm up song and 8 other songs you will get about 30 minutes of exercise.

Pick one. Do it. Let me know what you think...

...QueenB Says

Fearless

2011-02-15T07:53:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I’m awkward. Especially in larger groups or when I don’t really know anyone else or when I come into an established conversations.

Sometimes I don’t fit in. I worry that I look wrong or I will say the wrong thing or that I don’t understand the group dynamic and might “mess up”.

If I’m quiet, it’s usually one of these two things. And I’m very aware of when I’m in one of these timid states and I struggle to get out of it.

I was especially going through one of these phases right before the holidays. For the first time ever, I did not go home for Christmas. Instead we had my husband’s family here. I was asking a lot of questions about traditions and what I should do and shouldn’t do, what dynamics I should be aware of, trying to learn what I could about people I don’t spend a lot of time with, and planning and making lists and preparing the house the right way (you hear the crazy, right?). I don’t think my husband or his family know this (so if you’re reading... hi! You are NOT scary!). And I think I did a good job hiding my timidity. Proof?

My brother-in-law got me this gorgeous print. He said he thought it was perfect for me. How awesome is that?

In actuality, I had nothing to fear. It took about an hour or so for me to realize that this was going to be easy. Conversations flowed, laughter was continuous, and fun was had by all.

It brings to mind some great advice I got about 10 years ago, from an amazing woman who is a mentor and friend. I was in a new sales position and was rightly nervous about my skills and ability, and my lack of confidence showed. She told me to “fake it til you make it”. I did. And she was right. No one even noticed.

And the picture is hanging in my office for me to see everyday…

...QueenB Says

Motivation...

2011-02-13T08:14:00.000-08:00

On a lazy Sunday morning, drinking coffee, sitting in my reading space, keeping a close eye on the little Casper, I decided to catch up on all my blogs. The ones I read for work or fitness or fashion keep me informed, but my favorites are the dozen or so I read from my friends and family. Well, turns out I'm not the only one who has neglected their blog in the past month. So now I don't feel so bad for an almost 6 week hiatus!

I am not going to make excuses or beat myself up about it, that is wasted energy. I'm just going let it be what it is... and hopefully was, as I truly hope to get back on the regular schedule. In 2010, blogging was one of the most fulfilling things I did. It made me think about many things more intensely, it made me organize my thoughts logically - which either strengthened my view or potentially changed it, and it gave me a fun, creative outlet. I'm planning to keep it a priority for those reasons.

To catch you up on what has been taking up all the time in QueenB's world, here's the quick summary:

Little Casper ended up having double ACL surgery. She's doing great and we're doing great, it's just a lot of work right now. She's been very sweet and hasn't complained at all about pain or being cooped up, so we are very lucky. Can it last for the 12 week recovery? We'll see.
Things at my workplace are hopping! We are busy, successful, and I'm thoroughly enjoying all of the fun projects that I'm involved in. I've come to realize how lucky I am. I get to drive an easy, gorgeous 12 miles to work, be around some of the smartest and most talented people I've ever worked with, report to a management team that cares about me and my team and that we have a good work-life balance, and I have a lot of flexibility in managing what to do and how I want to work. And I'm going to be in magazine for it later this month, more to come on that.
I got Netflix. I've not watched this many movies in years. And I'm not talking about chick flicks or action films, I've actually been watching some classics and foreign films, and "critically acclaimed cerebral documentaries" has been my top category. This has been inspiring, educational, and emotionally rewarding... I love it.

I'm determined to get settled into a good routine in 2011 that includes all of the things I love. Paying attention to QueenB Says is high on the list. So, I'll talk to you again soon...

...QueenB Says

My New Year's Resolution

2010-12-31T07:02:00.000-08:00

Laugh.

Play.

Indulge.

My new year’s resolution is to do more of this. Every day.

I witnessed this way of living early on, from a beautiful, confident, independent woman, my Grandma Janet. Growing up in the same town meant my sister and I were lucky enough to get to spend lots of time with her from a very young age. The stories I hear about her from my dad and aunt and grandpa are truly entertaining and I certainly gathered some of my own.

Laugh. Everything I remember doing with her involved laughter. From watching Hee-Haw and thinking it was the funniest thing we’d ever seen, to performing our own concerts in the car to Ray Charles, to getting to make a fun mess painting ceramics, everyday was about doing something fun. New Years Eve will always belong to Grandma Janet in my mind. That is my parent’s wedding anniversary, so we spent that night with her until we were in our early teens. Every year was a party! Every year we pulled out all of her pots and pans to bang at midnight. Every year we watched New Year’s Rockin’ Eve with Dick Clark and sang and danced. And every year we never made it to midnight to bang those pots and pans. But that was okay, she let us do it the next morning. Every year!

Play. Our game of choice at Grandma’s was “dress up”. She had a closet full of clothes and shoes and accessories that were ours to create whatever look we wanted. She had a jewelry box that was pretty much free reign and we got to 18 or 20’s on a regular basis (see "The Point System" to understand this reference). She had one of those mirror trays that held all of her perfume and we invented our own scents. But, the make-up drawer was the best. Filled with eye shadows, blush, mascara, dozens of lipsticks, nail polishes. Well, let’s just say we were always “dolled up” at Grandma Janet’s. We created our own looks and did shows and pretended to be characters for years. It was a creative version of play that I still enjoy to this day! The best part was that she treated it as just a normal thing. We’d get all dressed up and then she’d take us to Sonic or the drugstore or the grocery store and I’ll tell you, that is where I learned to just OWN it. I’m not sure if we didn’t think it was odd because Grandma didn’t or if we knew we were in on some sort of joke, but it was only in the past few years that we told my mom that her daughters were carted all around town in dresses, high heels, more makeup than a pageant queen, and smelling like a perfume factory. That was kind of fun in itself!

Indulge. It was always about a treat at Grandma’s. We got to have those things we didn’t get often at home. Sonic, ice cream sundaes, McDonalds, chili cheese hot dogs, popcorn at the movies, and a few times candy cigarettes. I now know that you can’t live like that. It creates a lot of problems, some of which my Grandma had. But, there is something to be said for the occasional indulgence. It evokes feelings of joy, it’s comforting, and it’s fun. And I’m glad she taught me that. Here’s raising my gin and tonic to Grandma Janet!

…QueenB Says

Stepping Up

2010-12-21T07:10:00.000-08:00

For the past month or so I have been involved in a project at work. It’s completely outside of my realm of responsibility, but I’m thoroughly enjoying it and it has turned out great.

The gym at work is kind of a pet project of our CEO and I stepped up to the plate to get it done. Now, by stepped up to the plate I mean I sent him an email saying the new equipment was awesome and who would I talk to about some ideas I had to organize the space and clean it up some. The response was along the lines of “It would be awesome if you would do that”. When the CEO says that, you say yes (just a little career advice from QueenB).

Well, what started as a project to put the equipment in logical space and organize a grand opening turned into creating a complete workout space, organizing a number of weekly fitness classes, even running one myself, and coming up with a communication plan to keep 300 coworkers privy of what is going on. We have cardio equipment, a weight machine, free weights, bosu balls, exercise bands, a full-mirrored wall, a flat screen and DVD player, speakers for your music, an announcement board for activity in the gym and one launched on line, a personal trainer coming in once a week, a bootcamp run by me once or twice a week, another trainer lined up, and a yoga instructor. I mean, really? How awesome is that?

This is one of those things I said YES to that I had to prioritize to make work. And I am so glad I did because getting involved in something completely different showed me some lessons that I needed to be reminded of in my real day-to-day job.

     - You need help to get big things done. And it’s all about how you ask.
     - You have experts around you. And getting them on your team is crucial.
     - You can’t make everyone happy. And you have to be okay with that.
     - You may not get individual recognition. And you have to know that people notice anyway.
     - You have to be passionate about what you are doing. And you have to let people see it.

Signing off as your VP of Fitness…

...QueenB Says

Say Yes

2010-12-15T17:28:00.000-08:00

There is a buzz word going around my workplace these days: integrity. Our definition is that you are integrated, meaning your life is a reflection of your purpose, that you are honest, and that you will do what you say you will. In general, this is bringing out the best in people and the changes that could individually be seen as insignificant are collectively changing the way we interact at work in a very positive way.

The idea that you do what you say you will is important, especially in a line of work where it’s the efforts of dozens or even hundreds of people that must all come together, on time, to create and increase the market share of your product. By agreeing that you will do what you say, you should only agree to what you CAN do. But, there is a small undercurrent of this definition of integrity that has been somewhat troublesome to me. People are saying no to things that they could do with some extra effort or better organization or by enlisting the help of other team members or any number of other ways.

As a general approach to life, I say yes to too much. But I say yes to things because they are exciting and worthwhile and I am passionate about them!

I know that saying yes may require changes. My days are highly scheduled, busy, and I have had to reign things in a bit to be able to focus on me and have the priceless time at home with family (that I blogged about in August). So for me, the ability to say yes to things means I may have to let other things go or get more efficient at what I am already doing.

Making sure that I am clear about what I am pushing off the priority list has been my biggest challenge to this. Why? If I have said yes to it, it is because I find it important or worthwhile and telling someone that “I’m really sorry, but I’m going to have to get to this later” or “I can’t make this happen, is there someone else that can help you” or “With everything else on my plate I just can’t commit to this” or “I changed my mind”… well, telling someone that sucks. But, it’s integrity. And I’m learning to get better at it. Because the better I get at it, the more I can say YES to things that I am passionate about...

...QueenB Says

Put A Little Love In Your He-ea-art...

2010-12-06T10:14:00.000-08:00

The past few years I have been a little bit of a Scrooge. I haven’t really decorated, reluctantly sent out Christmas cards, and have kind of just gone with the flow of what I am supposed to do this time of year. Both this year and last, the huz has asked me what is wrong, perhaps a little more bluntly than that (think “Why are you such a Scrooge?”). So, I’m going to try to answer that and do something about it.

First, let’s look at holidays I do like. I love Thanksgiving. I love Fourth of July. I love my birthday (yes, I know this isn’t officially a holiday in your world). I guess I would say I like them because of a couple of reasons:

They have less expectations and requirements. For me, a few hours of cooking is thoroughly enjoyable. Bathing suits, sun, and mixed drinks? Easy. Obviously, my birthday’s expectations are whatever I want them to be.

They all have more flexibility. Sort of the same thing, but this is about options. You can stay or go or make it big or little. Whatever. For me, these holidays have always been celebrated in different locations, with different people, and in different ways. There are fewer “traditions” you have to be beholden to, so you have freedom to make it be whatever is important to you NOW.

They all celebrate something that is clear. I know, I know, I know what Christmas celebrates, but it’s lost. It’s about parties and presents and food and schedules and balancing family commitments and travel and basically fitting several months worth of spending, mailing, socializing, and eating into one month. It is! At least it seems to me.

So, I've been thinking about how I can really enjoy this year's holiday. Here’s my plan:

1. I’m going to decorate. Tree and everything.

2. I’m going to stay home this Christmas with my husband (we planned it this way for the first time EVER).

3. I’m going to do most of my shopping online. And if I have to do it in the crowd, it will be with hot chocolate and a smile.

4. I’m going to balance out every party or busy night I have with one of nothing to do.

5. I’m going to eat chestnuts. Somehow I’ve never had them and if you see how expensive they are… well, they must be good!

6. I’m going to sit on Santa’s lap.

7. I’m going to make a snowman.

8. I’m going to watch Rudolph, Frosty, A Christmas Story, A Christmas Carol, and Christmas Vacation (that last one is being forced on me) as I did when I was a kid.

9. I'm going to finally put a few Christmas songs on my iPod. And listen to that station in the car.

10. I am going to one of my favorite places in the world, Newcastle. But I will have less of a schedule because I’m there following all of “that”. So, I’m going to look forward to my trip back to Oklahoma, as I always do, but with even more joy!

And last, I’ll read this list every day, just to make sure I’m on track...

Mom, Carrie, Me - Just look how much I loved it then

Still remember this as one of the best gift Christmases. A house and a shopping cart. If I only knew then...

Cousins. We did this every year. I was always Mary. The lead in my mind.

With Grandma. I don't really remember this, but how cool, huh?

Carrie, Emma, Me. The kids definitely make it fun.

...QueenB Says

Lessons from London

2010-11-30T08:04:00.000-08:00

I have spent time in London twice this year. The first time was slightly intimidating. But the good kind, that makes you pay attention and figure it out quickly. So it ended up being exciting and wonderful and filled my head and heart and spirit with joy. The second time I knew my way around, knew where I wanted to go, and truly took the time to travel like I lived there.

A good trip will change you in some way, integrate itself into your way of being. And London has done that for me. Here's how.

It is bold and understated at the same time. I love this. Let me explain this using the way they dress. Everything is in beautiful neutral colors, but nothing faded. Think saturated greys and navies and blacks and chocolates. But in all of that neutral you are going to see some sort of detail that makes it special, maybe pin stripes or interesting seams or fabulous buttons. And the women? They are not afraid of adding in something you would never think of! Red tights! Camel colored boots! A hat with a bow! I want to be regal and sophisticated, but not afraid to add something bold and unexpected. In how I dress, but also in how I do lots of things.

It is diverse. I love the many different aspects of this city. You can sit in an old, noble church like St. Pauls and listen to a witty, humorous priest give his sermon. You can have a meat pie and beer in a pub, listening to raucous locals try to guess your accent and then walk a block to see Phantom of the Opera in one of the most famous theatres in the world. You can see where the Queen lives, admiring the guards in the funny hats and then hop in a cab and eat the best Indian food in Europe. And it seemed to me, at least in London, there is no discrimination. People are different and that is not celebrated, but its more like its not noticed. Like it doesn't even matter. Hello! THAT is equality.

It is surprising. I am often described as intimidating when you first meet me. But you will soon find that I am actually quite warm, interested in you, funny, and quick to laugh. I just take a little bit to warm up to people. I think London is a little bit like that. There is a sophistication to this town that is obvious within the first few minutes of stepping off a train. And if you stay on the surface, never taking the chance to get to know more, it will just stay impenetreble and elitist. But that's not it's nature at all! Just give it some time to show you what it's all about and you fit right in.

This is my kind of place. As I continue to visit other destinations in Europe, I think London will still be the place I think I could live. It suits me some how. I don't know that my life will take me in a direction that living there is possible, but I'll always love to visit and hope to do it even more. With wide eyes and an open spirit...

St. Paul's Catherdral and the Millennium Bridge

Andy Warhol at the Tate Modern Museum

Veeraswamy Indian Restaurant

Traditional British Pub

...QueenB Says

City of Lights

2010-11-23T08:01:00.000-08:00

Every city has a sex and an age which have nothing to do with demography. Rome is feminine. So is Odessa. London is a teenager, an urchin, and this hasn’t changed since the time of Dickens. Paris, I believe, is a man in his twenties in love with an older woman. - John Berger

Dear Paris,

The only problem was that I didn't get to spend enough time enjoying you. You had so much more to show and I had so much more to do. But, what I did enjoy was perfection. Your famous sights were well deserving of their reputations.

From the Eiffel Tower...

To Notre Dame...

And the views from bridges on the Seine...

I couldn't have enjoyed your shops and boutiques any more... unless I had more money to spend of course!

Shakespeare & Co. had the ghosts of F. Scott Fitzgerald and Hemingway wandering around helping me choose the right books.

Your specialty and antique shops were exhilarating.

And the clothes! Oh my...

Tailored shirts at Coton Doux. Jewelry at Lotta Djossou. Boutiques hidden in the side streets of Arrondissement 3 and 4. And the vintage stores I just had to see. I mean, really! Look at the 1950's purse I got from Free P Star for only 20 euros:

But my favorite part was the food! The amazing cassoulet at an unnamed bistro near the Eiffel Tower. The coffee was the best I've ever had, every time. You know that wine goes with everything. The pastry shops on every corner with your macarons:

The best, by far, was Le Basilic. A memorable late dinner at a true French restaurant. A beautiful host greeted us at the door. He showed us to our table and brought us wine. I will forever be searching for anything as wonderful as the foie gras with onions. And cap it off with a flaming dessert!

But dear, sophisticated, elegant Paris, don't you worry. I will be back. And can't wait to see what else we will do and see and eat!

Love, your loyal admirer...

...QueenB

Shut Your Damn Laptop

2010-11-16T08:26:00.000-08:00

I recently gave a short talk in front of about 150 people in my company. The goal was for those of us that went through a 6 month leadership training to tell the rest of the company what we learned and about our "breakthroughs", or things on which we hope to help lead change.

As you know, I am a planner, so I wrote my speech out ahead of time and practiced it in front of the mirror. I always do that. It doesn't ease my nervousness, but it does mask it so others don't notice it so much.

Well, I thought I'd share my speech. Many of you will see some of the concepts I've learned and blogged about mentioned. Here goes:

The title of my breakthrough is "Shut Your Damn Laptop".

To be honest with you, I was not very inspired or excited coming into today and in fact, I didn't even have a story to tell until early this morning. But in preparation, I decided to think about what it is that I got out of this training, what are the things that I will take with me for the rest of my life. And there are 3 main concepts that stick out.

First, is the concept of other-centered listening. You have seen what happens when you actually listen intently and with interest to another person. The energy and enthusiasm goes up drastically. I will be a better listener.

Second, is the concept of planning and follow through. I need to send an agenda if I'm running a meeting, or know what the agenda is if I'm not. I need to come prepared with what I'm supposed to. I need to take notes and commit to action items. And I need to follow through on those commitments. Building better processes and communication for this planning and follow through is something I commit to doing.

Last, and this was the biggest one for me, is the concept of generative coachability. You may be coached by a person, or attend a training and be coached by the instructor, or in some cases you may BE the coach. Well, generative coachability is the ability to coach yourself. To figure out what it is that you can get out of everything you do. This is how I want to live my life. I want to learn something from everything I read, everything I watch, everything I do and participate in to make me a better, smarter, more well-rounded person.

Now, these 3 things have something to do with my breakthrough. A few weeks ago I was in a meeting. It was a brainstorming meeting where we were to come up with new ideas around our upcoming outbound marketing campaign. There were about a dozen people in the room, and if I said 6 people were participating that would be stretching it. The others were staring at a blank sheet of paper, or out the window, or frantically typing on their laptops. And it bugged me. And you know what I did about it? Nothing.

I continued participating and we actually came up with some good ideas, but I didn't do anything about what bothered me. And THAT bothered me too. I thought about it all day and that night, and when I came in the next morning I talked with a few people that I really respect their opinions about it. In telling them how it bothered me and that I wished I would have said something I realized a few things. 1. I did have the authority to say something. 2. I should have said something. and 3. I will say something from now on.

Now, I don't want this to turn into, "Oh no, I'm going to a meeting with Betsy. I better pay attention and not bring my laptop". But I have to wonder. What would have happened if everyone in that room was engaged and participating? What could we have come up with? And what would happen if every meeting here was like that? What would it be like?

Well, I stand for better communication. And since meetings are a huge way we communicate around here, I stand for better communication in meetings. And I will stand up for that when I need to.

But, that is not all. If you are ever in a meeting with me and I am not fully engaged and participating, I give everyone in this room permission to say to me, "Betsy, shut your damn laptop!".

It went over well and I am glad that I stood up and spoke (it was optional). Maybe public speaking is not so bad and I will give even bigger things a try (yes, Emma, I'm talking about Ignite). Maybe...

...QueenB Says

Eat Whatever You Want

2010-11-09T09:16:00.000-08:00

Have you heard about this professor who only ate junk food for 2 months? He lost 27 pounds!

A quick summary: He ate twinkies and brownies and chips, but also a daily vitamin, protein shakes, and a few carrots and he limited his food intake to around 1800 calories a day. Over the course of his diet he lost weight and lowered his cholesterol. His reasons for this diet are documented in the article.

Here are my thoughts:

1. Like I've said before, it is all about math. Figure out how many calories you need and eat 500 a day fewer. (To lose a pound you must have a 3500 calorie deficit. To lose a pound a week, which is healthy, divide by 7 and you get 500). It doesn't matter WHAT you eat!

2. However, there is enough evidence out there that you should eat a more healthy diet... duh. If you need your body to work correctly (workout, repair itself, stay well), then you should eat to support that.

3. I am pretty sure this will NOT become a fad diet, or at least I hope not. But I want to call out a problem with most fad diets (low carb, Atkins, The Zone, paleo, caveman diet); they are all based on high calorie, high fat food. If your goal is to lost weight? You have to really, really watch the total calories. If your goal is to lose fat? Then nuts and red meat are going to make that harder. Eat whatever you want, just know that the diet you are following is a fad and doesn't matter in the long run.

4. You do not have to cut out food you love to lose weight. Again, you do not have to cut out food you love to lose weight. Quit doing that! If you love a brownie or a big bowl of pasta? Eat it. Just compensate for it somewhere else.

5. You have to plan to keep up any form of diet. This dude even planned his days, and it was buying in bulk on the first day because all of his "food" would last though a nuclear war. It takes making a list, planning your meals, preparing food the day before or on Sunday for the week, transporting your food to work with you, and researching what you are putting in your body. I'm important enough to myself to do this... and you should be too.

Now, these are just my opinions. I've formed them by using the ideas myself, reading a lot of books and articles about diet, and by observing others. Take 'em or leave 'em. But most importantly, this post is not intended to encourage or advocate a Twinkie diet! Unless, of course, that would make you happy...

...QueenB Says

Giving Myself a Break

2010-11-02T22:12:00.000-07:00

This is a 2 part post, first part written pre-break and second part written post-break. Here goes...

Part 1
I am heading to London and Paris for 12 days. I am beyond thrilled, of course for the vacation part of it and for the work part of it as well! I've decided to give myself 12 days off from the gym. It's been years since I have taken off that many days in a row. Here's my rationale:

- I will give my body a rest.
- I will overcome a plateau in my fitness.
- I will bring a yoga DVD and do it a few times to keep my muscles working. But, let's be honest, that is not really working out.
- I will be walking about 5-7 miles a day, a little more than double a usual day.
- Mostly? I just don't want to waste the bag space for workout shoes and clothes.

So here are the very mixed feelings I'm having about this right now: I'm definitely thinking about what I'll be eating and drinking and how will that math work if I'm not burning 800 - 1000 calories. I'm focusing on the extra hour a day that I will have to experience something new. I'm reminding myself that I won't lose the muscle and fitness that I've built up in this short of a time. I'm wondering how much the endorphins I get from exercise impact my mood. I'm trying really hard not to beat myself up about this and trying to see it as a great opportunity to let a few expectations go.

So how did it go?

Part 2
I'm back. I didn't work out, I didn't do yoga, and I needed every bit of that bag space. After 12 days of no exercise I'm on the second week of my normal schedule. Here's what my body is feeling:

- I'm sore, but in a good way.
- My hips and shoulders... and pretty much the rest of me... is feeling pretty good. Better than before.
- I didn't gain any weight. My clothes fit exactly the same.
- I didn't lose my "habit" of working out after 12 days off.

How did I feel about not working out? I didn't miss it one bit. I didn't feel guilty about eating whatever I wanted. There was no stress about it at all. Until I got back...

I've been in the gym everyday since. Not to punish myself, but because I truly do love it. I love it as part of my routine and I love how it makes me feel and I love how it makes me look.

So my experiment was a success and a failure. I mean, I did it, sticking to my no working out while in London rule. But, there were no real ah-ha moments. Unless it's proving to myself that I can be balanced and not so regimented... if I want to be.

...QueenB Says

Do you need to change your point of view?

2010-10-12T09:35:00.000-07:00

I am over people on Facebook who complain about their jobs. Stop it. You get on everyone's nerves. And there is a better way to live. Listen up.

In a leadership class I'm taking we had a session on changing your point of view. Here's how it works:

First, you look at some negative stance you have: My job is a boring, worthless activity.

Then you figure out what impact that point of view has on the people around you: You don't work very hard or you bring down morale of your coworkers.

Next, try to understand what benefit you are actually deriving from holding that point of view: By seeing your job as boring and worthless, you justify your decision not to work very hard. Or by seeing your job as boring and worthless, you feel as though you are smarter or better than those you work with.

There will be some diversionary paths in this next step. It could be that your job is boring and worthless and you are smarter than your coworkers. Well, get a better job or make some other change that allows you to meet your own expectations. More likely though, there is a way that you can change your point of view about your job that will be a win-win for everyone. Here's an example of how that works.

My job is a boring and worthless, activity...

Maybe it's not boring. Maybe it's a repetitive activity that you excel at or maybe it's something you visibly accomplish every day. Maybe there are things you could do outside of your daily tasks that would be rewarding, like learning from a mentor or creating a new standard level of excellence. Obviously, many of you have time to spend on the internet as you do your job, so why not use that flexibility to start a blog or learn a language or read some sort of educational material you might be interested in. Perhaps there are other things you can do to challenge yourself, like more output or higher quality or some other measurable goal.

It certainly is not worthless. I mean, they pay you, right? Are you doing something socially meaningful? Are you creating a product or service that keeps people safe or well or functioning in some way? Are you serving people in some way? Are there people that have vast histories and abilities and stories that could be interesting to learn about? Are you making a difference? Perhaps in ways you don't even know and may never know?

Last, you figure out how to word your point of view in a way that fits: My job is a daily rewarding, difference-making activity. My job is a future building, socially rewarding activity. My job is an opportunistic, beneficial activity.

This can work for many points of view that you'd like to change. I'm trying it on with several myself.

But for those of you that view Sunday as the end to your freedom or a day of agony that you have to go to work tomorrow... and for those of you that spend the whole 5 day week counting down the days until you get 2 days off... and for those of you that hate your coworkers... and for those of you that flip out several times a week so much that you feel the need to vent to hundreds of people - realize this, you will spend almost a third of your life working. Make it something you enjoy, are proud of, or at least appreciate. PLEASE. For the rest of us that are sick of your bitching...

...QueenB Says

Run Like A Girl

2010-10-04T07:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I ran my 8th half marathon. I think it is the perfect distance for several reasons: you have to plan and train for it, it's not too hard on your body, and it is a big accomplishment if you finish. This race was the Boulder Half Marathon and they really do it right. It is well organized and limited in size and they have the BEST giveaways. When I got home I told my husband I finished in 2 hours and 17 minutes and he asked me, "What do you think about the whole time?" Well, here goes:

Mile 1 - In races, they usually have you line up based on your average time per mile. I average about 10.5 or 11 minutes per mile. They do this so the slower runners stay out of the way of the faster runners and I always comply. Well, this time I don't. I line up closer to the front. Turns out that everyone must already do this. I am clearly in the right group, as I don't have to run around people or run behind much slower people until I can find a way around or try to get a good pace going while zig zagging. Lesson learned.

Mile 2 - To the left are the foothills, to the right is the smooth, mirror-like reservoir with several hot air balloons taking off above it. It is brisk and sunny. I am running on a dirt road in one of the most beautiful settings and I appreciate it.

Mile 3 - As I am topping a hill in the beginning of mile 3, I hear my friend Megan yell, "Way to go, Betsy". Thanks, I needed that!

Mile 4 - This is where I pass by my friend Mike's house. Last year he made me a sign, a HUGE sign, that said Go Betsy. By far, the highlight of my running career. I didn't let him know I was running this race again, so I don't have a sign. But, the funny thing is, that exuberant feeling I got last year when I saw it? Is there.

Mile 5 - I recently took a public speaking training and the beginning of the session was focused on how your body reacts to the adrenaline: the increased heart rate, shortness of breath, ,shaky voice. Well, my body reacts in a similar way when running a race and I find myself fighting with my lungs to cooperate. Mile 5 is about the time I find myself in a great pace with regular, smooth breathing. Breath in, 3 steps, breath out, 3 steps... ahh.

Mile 6 - This is an out and back race, so we turn around. It's all downhill from here. Well, not literally. I do live in Boulder, you know.

Mile 7 - When you get a group of friends together to go out, there is always that friend that wants to go home before the others. Well, if my body is that group of friends, then my left hip is that person.

Mile 8 - Getting tired, my mind starts to wander. I wonder if that skinny girl in the short skirt knows how much cellulite she has? I will never wear a short skirt to run. I have that same shirt, hello guy that ran the Horsetooth Half Marathon. Hey, is that Keith Richards? Wow, look at that girl's gait... I hope I don't look like that when I run. That lady must be 65 years old... I hope I can still do this when I'm 65.

Mile 9 - Running by Mike's house again. I kind of need to pee. I wonder if I can stop? Maybe I don't need to pee and I just want to stop. Don't. Stop. You'll never get going again. I don't stop.

Mile 10 - Blisters and burping. I bought new running shoes for this run and training. They have been with me for about 2 months of long Sunday runs. My last long run resulted in a big blister on my left foot. And it's back. And it hurts. Also, I only drink water through a race until the last aid station where I grab a Gatorade. I accidentally grabbed a Gatorade at about Mile 5 and I'm reminded why I only drink water. Gatorade burps are gross. Water burps are slightly less gross.

Mile 11 - It's getting close to the end, so what does my Type A personality want to do? Feel for my keys in my pocket. Remember where I parked. Look at what time it is and figure out when I'll be home. Think about what all I need to do today. Plan out the rest of my day so I can get it all done.

Mile 12 - This is where my boot camp mentality starts kicking in. 2 more miles! You run 2 miles in your sleep. Can you run faster? Then do it! Leave everything out here on the road! Leave it HERE! Don't get to the end and wish you had worked harder! This is what you've been training for! It's just your body, you will feel fine in a few hours! Freakin' GO!

Mile 13 - Just a little further. I can see the finish line. It won't be my fastest time, but it will be my second fastest. I am about to complete something that statistics show 98% of the population will never do. I set this goal. I worked for it. And I'm about to finish it. And I OWN it. It is my body and my preparation and my hard work and my desire and my heart that created this. I feel this pride and happiness and excitement every time I finish. And that is why I run like a girl...

...QueenB Says

Are You Kidding Me?

2010-09-29T09:50:00.000-07:00

I am not in a good place today. I'm actually pretty angry and sad and frankly, beat down. Last Saturday, my husband and I were in a 7 car pile up. A whole lot of chaos is how I would describe it, but it came down to a truck that didn't stop and rear ended us. It was scary and violent, and luckily we both walked away unhurt. Now I have either another totalled car or one that will take 6-8 weeks to repair.

For the third time in 4 months I am dealing with a major insurance situation. The first was a head on collision in May, where a 19 year old girl ran a red light. The second was a burst pipe in the house that caused a lot of damage to 3 floors. And now... ugh.

I get that I am supposed to be thankful that we are okay, and I am.

I get that I need to focus on the really good things in my life, and I know I have a lot of good things.

I get that things are out of my control and I have to just deal with it as it comes, and I clearly am doing that.

But, I am PISSED!

Wow, it feels good to say that. And I'm just going to let myself feel that this time. I'll let you know when I'm back to normal...

...QueenB Says

What is Home?

2010-09-21T17:26:00.000-07:00

When you are a child, home means your house. Once out of high school it is your hometown. And as you get older, your home may become where you are most comfortable.

For years, "home" to me has been my parents house or Oklahoma. But recently, I have made a transition. I refer to "home" when talking about many places: home is of course my parents house, Oklahoma, Colorado, and my house in Lafayette.

Does that mean I'm growing up? I suppose so.

Home is not a place anymore, really. It's more about what I identify with. It's where I feel at ease. It's where I know exactly what to do and where everything is. It's where I recharge or feed the fire of inspiration. It's where I am comfortable and relaxed.

I love thinking about home in those terms. It expands the boundaries of what I can consider home. I feel all of those things in my career and at my workplace. I feel like that when I look pretty. I feel that when I am at brunch with my girlfriends. I feel like that when I am exercising. I feel like that when I spray on my favorite perfume. And I cannot wait until I feel that comfortable in my own skin all the time, and home is just with me, everywhere...

...QueenB Says

Fear, Schmear...

2010-09-16T15:15:00.000-07:00

Growing up I never had a fear of flying. After college I had a job that was more than 50% travel and I flew all over the place. All of my jobs since then have required some travel. I moved far enough away from home that I have been required to fly back for several years. I did all of this with a lot of excitement and ease!

But, about 4 years ago I was on a bad flight. It was a little commuter jet that hit a ton of turbulence over Dallas and I've never been the same since. I have had to use a lot of techniques to get through flights since this happened: breathing, counting, drinking a cocktail, etc.

Well, I am happy to report that in the past year I have had several experiences with planes that have helped me manage and almost conquer this fear! Here's what I think helped and maybe some ideas for addressing fears in general:

1. Diving in. I rode in the cockpit. I got to see it all in action and see how you manage a plane. It's much more complex than driving, but still manageable for 1 or 2 people.

2. Asking questions. The pilots that I rode with answered my barrage of questions. I was honest about my fear of flying and they did not make me feel inferior or as if my questions were insignificant. And I asked a hundred. Maybe a few more.

3. Research. I was fortunate enough to tour an aircraft manufacturing plant last week. Are you kidding me? They test, double test, break things, try to break them again, research, and have hundreds of people working to make planes safe. I was thoroughly impressed. And trust me, I was looking for a reason to doubt the quality.

4. Trusting. If you ever get the chance to "feel" how the autopilot works, you should. It is instantaneously reactive to anything in the atmosphere. It's so fast that you hardly even feel it. Blew me away.

5. Appreciate. I took a chance to appreciate the innovation. We can fly. Say that out loud. Isn't that kind of cool? I took a chance to appreciate the convenience. I can get to Oklahoma in about an hour. I can be in Europe in 12 hours. That is freaking awesome. And I took a chance to appreciate the beauty. It's a totally different perspective. It's gorgeous up there...

...QueenB Says

Meet QueenB's Mom

2010-09-07T18:26:00.000-07:00

The other day I had to sew a button on, something I learned to do from my mom. She made me a sewing kit when I left home at 18 with lots of stuff I would need, that I still have 15 years later. I needed black thread and as I pulled it out I had to laugh out loud at what I just noticed for the first time. She had written our last name along the top of the spool... AND just in case no one saw that, she had a sticker with our last name stuck to the inside of the spool. All of this to brand a $1 spool of thread! Growing up my mom wrote our name faithfully with black magic marker on EVERYTHING. School supplies, backpacks, clothing, shoes, and obviously spools of thread. She still labels all of her things today.

This is something that I learned from my mom that I don't embrace. In fact, I guess you can say that it is something that I rebel against for a couple of reasons. It devalues my things. I don't understand the concept of labeling things that are intended to stay in your house. If I leave the house with them, I'm pretty sure that I'm going to be able to hang onto it. Most of the things you would label are inexpensive so I tend to be okay if I lose or misplace something because then I can replace it with a NEW something. That's my recycling. I guess it caught me off guard and struck me as funny last week to notice that I have something in my house with my name clearly labeled on it for safe keeping. And I will keep this spool of thread forever because of it.

There is no doubt that my mom is a wonderful woman. She is sweet, smart, funny, pretty, good natured, giving, loving, and will kick your ass if she needs to. A lot of the woman I am today is due to my mom.

So this spool of thread got me to thinking about what my mom has taught me. And I can think of dozens, maybe hundreds, of things I learned. And only a few that I ultimately rejected, all of which are as insignificant as writing your name on your belongings. As a parent I suppose that is what you aim to do, raise a child you are proud of by sharing your wisdom and values and hope that you raise one that embraces them.

So thanks mom for sharing all the wonderful things with me. Here are the most useful things that I learned from my mom:

Be nice to everyone. That is what makes you popular. The example she always gave was that you never knew how what you did might effect someones day or life. She would go back to high school reunions and have people she could not even remember comment "how wonderful it is to see one of the nicest people I knew back then".
Dress for the job you want, not the job you have. This one I clearly took to heart. She always dressed us well, bought me my first suit, and continues to hem and tailor my clothes.
Stand up for what is right and fair. I still remember when she stood up to a creepo (she uses that word a lot) and he never bothered her or us again!
Always fix your hair and makeup before you leave the house. Besides getting you in the right mental state to accomplish things, the few times I have not done this I always run into someone I know.
Read. A lot. Being well read lets you hang in any conversation and usually lead it.
Only boring people get bored. There is too much that life has to give for you to ever resort to being bored. Find something to inspire you.
Say no with grace and compassion.
A smile makes everyone prettier. :-)

Thanks, Mom...

...QueenB Says

How to Dress for Night Life

2010-08-31T13:43:00.000-07:00

I am going to admit something to you. When I am dressing to go out at night I spend too much time figure out what to wear. I stand in front of the mirror in dozens of combinations and fret about my clothes. It's gotten to the point that I start planning my outfit for a night out a few days ahead of time. In fact, I laid in bed last night for an hour thinking about what I'm going to wear on Labor Day weekend when we have several people in town and we will be going out about 3 nights in a row.

So... I'm creating some rules, based on what I know now and what I am trying to incorporate.

1. You have to feel comfortable. Not pajamas comfortable, just not messing with your clothes uncomfortable. I bought the hottest dress a few weeks ago and decided to wear it to a party. The day before I tried it on and couldn't get it to sit right and I felt like I had to suck my tummy in and kept messing with the cowl-neck and straps. I'm taking the dress back.
2. Never wear new shoes when you'll have to walk or you are going out dancing.
3. Only give one hint. I mean, if you have a short skirt then you don't show cleavage. If you show cleavage then wear pants or a longer skirt. If you are wearing skin tight then make sure it covers more area. Note: If you cannot wear skin tight, don't. Please. I have times when I'm bloated or it just highlights the wrong thing too. Don't subject every one else to it!
4. Silk, satin, sparkles, beading, rouching, flashy jewelry, fun make up, fake eyelashes, all those things you want to try but never do? Try it.
5. Consider your surroundings. Boulder going out clothing is much different that Denver going out clothing. Dallas going out clothing is much different than London going out clothing. If you would wear it to a brunch wedding shower, then it is probably not evening wear.
6. Make sure your accessories are right. Get a clutch or a small purse. Your jacket or coat cannot be your normal, every day jacket. I think flats are a no no, but I guess if they are dressy and appropriate I'll give you a hall pass.
7. Learn how to do an updo. Just don't ever use plastic clips to hold it in place. An updo will take a normal outfit and make it much dressier.
8. If you can make jeans work for where you are going then they must be fitted, dark wash, long, straight leg jeans. No pleats, no poofing, no fading, no bagginess.
9. If you ever find a dress you love and think "I'll never have anywhere to wear it", buy it. And always have one of these in your closet.
10. It is always better to be over dressed than under dressed. Always...

...QueenB Says

How I'm Prioritizing

2010-08-23T08:41:00.000-07:00

I was in a boot camp class a few years ago. During the winter months we would go inside to the basketball courts to do all of our exercises. One of our cardio segments we would do involved running in a single file line around the perimeter of the court. The person that was last in line was to break out of the line, pass everyone, and ultimately become the leader. Once they made it, then the person who was now at the end of the line did the same thing. We did this until everyone had gone through sprinting to the front. There is a phenomenon that happens as people sprint to the front, they are supposed to slow down to the group pace, but after sprinting it's easy to slightly increase your average "pace". That means every person that gets to the front slightly increases the group pace, causing a gradual acceleration that is doubly exhausting. Also, the more people, the longer it took. So, if the class was especially large then you could end up doing several laps to get through the entire line.

Our lives are a little bit like that exercise, right? We have lots of priorities that are all trying to get to the front. We can only focus on thing at a time for the most part. Every time you add a priority the line gets longer. The more priorities you have the longer everything takes. The faster you try to go the faster everything has to go. And the more tired you get.

Just saying all of that makes me want to take a deep breath!

I made the decision a few months ago to start prioritizing better. I've quit adding new hobbies, like an art history class or a cooking class, every time I get an inclination. I'm working normal hours. I turned down a few professional development opportunities. I'm staying in more evenings. And the most difficult decision was to not return to my hip hop troupe this fall.

It's led to a slower pace that I've found I really enjoy and appreciate. It's making me enjoy the things I am doing more. It's given me time to focus on myself and know what I want in life. And it's made me love my life and my home and my family and my job even more.

I know that when I do find interests that will take my time and cycles they will be inspirational and worth it. I know that when I do spend time developing my skills professionally that it will make a difference in my abilities and earning capacity. And I know that when I go back to hip hop, I will be in a more artistic and expressive place. Why? Because I am only doing the things that mean something to me and because I am happier...

...QueenB Says

I am Wonder Woman

2010-08-19T13:07:00.000-07:00

Two days ago I woke up at 5:00 AM with my mind racing, a blog about prioritization running through my head. I decided to go ahead and get up and take an hour for myself, to drink coffee and write in a very quiet house. As I crossed the kitchen to turn on the coffee pot I found myself sloshing through a very large puddle of water. Several hours of panic and soaking towels and calling 24 hour emergency plumbers to find one that actually worked before 9am ensued. So now, 2 days later, I'm sitting in a house with enormous holes in the walls and ceilings on 2 of 3 floors, carpet ripped up, hardwoods that are warped, electricity in parts of the house not working, and the worst is the 11 loud fans that are running 24 hours a day for a total of 5 days. To add on to this, what started the plumbing problems was our bathroom remodel, so I'm sharing a bathroom with Jay. And that all started with a little leak.

My readers know that I'm not usually a big complainer, so I'll conclude my bitching shortly. I love my orderly, clean, peaceful, quiet house and honestly, this is a lot for me to take. It's daunting the number of workers we will need to hire, the amount of time until my house is back, and the pressure to keep our normal life running. I told my sister yesterday that I didn't think I could handle one more thing right now. Then I came home to hear that our lawnmower is broken and we need a new one. And you know what? I didn't crack. I handled it quite well: "Alright, let's go to Lowe's this weekend", with a smile on my face.

I'm definitely drawing on some of my recent epiphanies: perspective, generative coachability, and prioritization (next blog). As well as my general nature: efficiency, a good attitude, and relying on the people around me.

I am trying to balance out the bad with good: flood in the kitchen with gorgeous runs around the lake; A/C not working with a dinner out; big fans running 24 hours a day with extra long shower to exfoliate and facial mask; sharing a bathroom with extra yoga sessions; holes in my ceiling with wearing my favorite dress; you get the idea... the more I can take care of myself, my well being, and my health, the better equipped I am to deal.

So, as stressed as I am, there are a lot of good things too. I am amazed by what I can actually handle as I am going through things. I am thankful for the wonderful people I work with that are understanding and my confidants for letting me vent. I am grateful for the ability to afford wonderful things and keep them wonderful. And I love that I'm mostly letting it roll off my back, keeping my perspective, and continuing to live a fun life...

...QueenB Says

How to Buy a Bra

2010-08-11T16:33:00.000-07:00

Did you know that studies have shown up to 80% of women are wearing the wrong bra size? I was. A few years ago I got fitted and stocked up on bras. After losing weight and lifting weights this year both my number (the circumference of your body) and letter (the cup size) changed. So, I got to throw out the old and start over. It was one of the most enjoyable shopping experiences I've had in a long time. Here's what I've learned:

Go get fitted. Do not try to do this yourself. Dillards, Nordstorms, Christina's (in Boulder) have lovely women who have been trained and do this every day. They will measure you correctly, help you pick out bras that will work best for you, and adjust them to perfection.
You need these 2 bras: A black and nude bra with no lace or detail on the cup. This will work under any fitted or thin clothing and not show through. I cannot stand seeing the top line of your bra under your clothing and any lace showing through makes you look deformed.

Get a fun bra. This is for when you want to add a cleavage point. Or something else.

You may have need for a strapless bra, a bra with clear straps, a racerback bra, or backless bra. If you do, trust me when I say you need to spend some extra money on these. They can be extremely uncomfortable if you don't get a good one.

Nothing changes your silhouette like getting the girls in the right place. They need to be halfway between your shoulders and elbows, and for most of us that is not going to happen on it's own. And for a lot of us, changes in our body mean we have to continually update our collections to keep them there. So go shopping...

...QueenB Says

QueenB's Square Dancing Rules

2010-08-05T05:43:00.000-07:00

When I was in elementary school they made us square dance in PE class on occasion. I grew up in Oklahoma, this was normal, shut up. Mrs. McDaniel would pair us up, put us in groups of 8, teach us the steps of what would be “called”, things like Swing Your Partner and Do Sa Do (yes, that is for real), and put on a record, and away we’d go. (Wow, did you notice how that sentence eventually turned into a square dance song?)

The most mortifying part of all of this was finding out who you would be partnered with. When you are 9 years old you already understand the ramification that who you are partnered with will reflect on you either positively or negatively. It was a score if I was partnered with Mike Robertson and his cool demeanor, blue eyes with the long curly lashes, and dimples. Or Craig Griffith with his blonde hair, sense of humor, and last name (this was important in a small town). Or Rodney Eischen with his self-deprecating humbleness and adorable easy smile. Any of those boys were acceptable, they were fun, and I was okay having to hold hands with them on and off for 45 minutes. I’m positive I was not paired up with these boys every time, so sometimes I did have to dance with someone in another tier. But you know what, I still remember square dancing was fun and it did not scar me or my popularity.

It was also important that at least one of your girlfriends was in your group as they gave you someone who could understand what you were going through in one glance, they didn’t use it as an opportunity to make fun of you for dancing with your crush or with someone gross, and you had a partner in crime in an activity that was new for both of you. Hello, Tara and Kristine and Amie. Is this ringing a bell?

It’s amazing what you can learn from forced partnership in a time in your life when you are learning the social rules. And I would say all of this applies to your significant other, the friends you choose, and people you work with today:

1. Who you are partnered with is still a reflection on you.
2. Getting paired up with someone awesome is way more fun.
3. If you get paired up with someone less desirable it is never as bad as you thought it would be and no one really remembers it.
4. Having fun is up to you. No matter what situation you are put into.
5. Your girls make everything better.
6. I cannot believe how much the characteristics of boys I never even made out with influenced what I desire today. I got the blue eyed, adorable, self-deprecating, funny, cool dude after all. Ha!

...QueenB Says

Get Remembered

2010-08-02T04:20:00.000-07:00

Dress shabbily and they remember the dress; dress impeccably and they remember the woman. - Coco Chanel

I want you to think back to the last wedding you attended. Got it in your head? Now, remember that woman, the one that was totally together. You can kind of remember that she had a red or blue dress on, you know that she walked confidently and regally to her seat, she smiled at the right time, clapped at the right time, enjoyed her wine, and danced effortlessly.

Now, remember these? There was that one girl who changed into flip flops. And then that lady who's dress was 15 years old and had shoulder pads. Oh, remember that girl with the dress that was too short, too tight, and too low cut? And that lady who wore so many sparkly items she looked like a Christmas tree. What about the lady in the polyester halter dress that looked like it cost $12. And that one poor woman in the dowdy floral dress with the matching cropped, long-sleeved jacket. Then there was that one lady who's dress was okay, but her undergarments were all wrong because you could SEE them under the dress and hanging out of the dress.

The above quote was sent to me by a very regal woman that I grew up watching. I couldn't tell you what she wore, ever. Kind of like the first woman you thought of. But I know she was amazing... and still is.

The point of this post (and as my husband pointed out, "Haven't you posted this before?"... yes!): Don't give people an excuse to not see YOU. What gives people that excuse? Ill fitting, cheaply made, too baggy, too tight, inappropriate for the occasion, dated, plain, unaccessorized, gaudy, or uncomfortable clothing. Make sure that you get remembered, for the right reasons. If you aren't sure? Ask me. I'll tell you the truth. I promise...

...QueenB Says

My Horoscope Said I'm Perfect

2010-07-29T08:32:00.000-07:00

If you read along with me, then you know I am in a period of growth and discovery right now. Sometimes I think it happens when you are in a difficult period, and I've certainly been through some of that in the past year... and I definitely learned and grew from it. However, right now I am in one of the happiest times of my life, and I have to tell you, I am learning so much more.

I am thriving in my day to day life, my relationship with my husband, my friendships, my career, my curiosity, my self-esteem, and my health and fitness. And probably a lot of other areas I'm not thinking of.

My horoscope today said: You don't have to change a hair to rediscover yourself. You're perfect as is! Treat yourself as well as you'd treat anyone else you love -- you deserve the best, too! It's a great day to make an example of yourself by showing the world how they could be living if they wanted to.

I have to be honest and tell you that I don't really know what it is, if anything, that has me in this state of bliss. It could be that "you reap what you sow" theory and I'm reaping the benefits tenfold of what I'm trying to create. It could be that I've been working towards creating a level of community and stability in my life and it's all coming together. It could be that I'm more discriminating about the type of people and energies that I let into my life. Or it could just be the attitude.... you know the one that says:

"You're perfect. You deserve the best. Go shopping!"*

*This is my horoscope through the QueenB filter.

QueenB's Ways to Stay Motivated

2010-07-26T11:09:00.000-07:00

I'm excited to share with you on http://www.queenbsays.com/ my very first GUEST BLOG post

from http://www.noexcusesfitclub.com/. Enjoy!

There are so many reasons to work out: weight loss, long term health, bone strength, endurance, keeps you younger, allows you to eat things you want, you feel better, you look better, it's fun. The most compelling reasons I have seen came from a book called "Younger Next Year". I highly recommend this book to learn about what we can do now to age better in the future. Here are a few quotes:

You may well live into your nineties , whether you like it or not. But how you live those years, on the other hand, is largely under your control.
70 percent of premature death and aging is lifestyle-related. Heart attacks, strokes, the common cancers, diabetes, brittle bones, most falls, fractures, and serious injuries, and many more illnesses are primarily caused by the way we live. If we had the will to do it, we could eliminate more than half of all disease in women and men over fifty. Not delay it, eliminate it.
First Rule of this book: Excercise 6 days a week for the rest of your life.

This dude is 94 years old and still runs marathons.

And research shows what you need to do:

You need to do aerobic exercise 4 days a week at 70-85% of your heart rate for an hour.
You need to be able to do long, slow aerobics at 60-65% of your heart rate for 3 hours without getting exhausted. This is a long walk or easy hike.
You need to be able to do anaerobic excercise, 85-100% of your heart rate for 2 minutes.
You need to do strength training 2 days a week. Osteoporosis is bad, do this.

I get that it is tough to stay motivated to go workout 5-6 times a week. Arguments I hear are: there is not enough time, you have other obligations that are more important, it's boring. If you use those excuses then I'm not 100% sure I can help you... my answers to those excuses seem obvious to me: you have to schedule it, you have to make good health a priority and take care of yourself in health as you would if you had the flu, and you just haven't found the right workout.

For those of you that do enjoy it, you do feel better when you do it, and you know you look better when you do it... you just lose the drive after a few weeks, I think I may be able to help.

Lots of things can motivate me, and honestly I have to switch it around a lot to stay excited. In the past year, here are the things that I have found motivating:

I joined a bootcamp class. It was 6 weeks long and I loved it so much I signed up for 2 more sessions. This one kept me motivated for 18 weeks.
I download new music on my iPod. Just a new playlist works wonders for my energy level on a run or on cardio.
I worked with a nutritionist to get my diet on track.
I lost a few pounds. Um... huge, huge motivation. But that one will never last as long.
I get new gear. Just this week I finally got the Nike + iPod running chip. Cannot wait to use it this summer. Get a pedometer or a heart rate moniter for other ideas.
I found an awesome race I want to do. Check it out: http://www.warriordash.com/
I am going to do a 14er in August. This makes me want to hike for training.
I signed up with a trainer for a 5 week TRX training class. This is a new type of training for me and I love it. I just signed up for another round.
I get new workout clothes. Just having a new sports bra plus short combo makes me feel like working out.
I get new shoes. Same idea as above.
I cut out a picture of the hottest body I've seen in a long time and put it in my workout journal. I want to look like this!

I focus on a number. It has been my weight, number of consecutive pushups, how fast I can run a mile, and how long I can hold a wall sit.
I download a new cardio workout plan. Here is a great example of some you can try.
I compete with someone. I would always try to push myself as hard as Luis in bootcamp and it became so much fun to see who would do more reps or go faster or longer.

I want to look like this.

When these motivations aren't enough, I plan to try P90X and get a work group together to do lunch runs to kick start it again.

Steal my ideas and please tell me the ones that work for you! But only if you really do them yourself...

...QueenB Says

What is Fair?

2010-07-22T07:43:00.000-07:00

"Treating everyone the same is not fair. Each member of your team should get what they earn and deserve." - Coach John Wooden

A friend of mine posted this brilliant quote. It caused a bit of a discussion between me and an amazing women who I respect and admire immensely, and got me to thinking about fairness vs. equality.

Equality's definition is the state or quality of being equal; correspondence in quantity, degree, value, rank, or ability. Fairness is defined as free from bias, dishonesty, or injustice.

Here's how I think it works. If I am equal to another person in a certain scenario then I expect to be treated equally. If I am better or worse than another person in a certain scenario then my treatment should correspond to that. THAT is fair.

Every year in junior high and high school I tried out for cheerleading. Tryouts consisted of learning some sort of cheer and dance routine throughout the week that culminated with a judged performance on Friday. I practiced year round, but especially leading up to tryouts. My mom still has video tapes of me recording myself to see how I looked and where I could improve. I practiced with friends and at clinics and at a cheer gym. I was pretty good, but it was because I worked at it. One year in junior high, as they were announcing who made the squad we were told that EVERYONE made it.

I was devastated. All of my hard work didn't matter because people who just signed up without practicing made it too. All of my hard work didn't matter because no matter how much we practiced as a squad there were still going to be people that weren't good enough. All of my hard work didn't matter because we were only going to be as good as our least competent squad member and that, frankly, was not good enough for me. That was a lesson for me in equality and fairness. Someone truly thought they were treating us equally and that was fair, when in fact treating us equally was grossly unfair and demotivating. For everyone.

Equality is important, I do not want to diminish that in any way. I fully expect to be paid as much as my male counterparts if I am equal in experience and competence, I expect to pay the same as other people for equal goods or services, etc. But don't treat everyone the same and call it fairness, because in many cases it is not. Thank you Coach...

...QueenB Says

Ask QueenB

2010-07-19T04:20:00.000-07:00

Seems we always want to revamp our wardrobe a bit in the summer. The weather is nice and we wear less layered looks so our accessories become a huge part of our outfits. Here are a couple of great questions in this spirit.

Hey QueenB, what is the story with scarves in the spring/summer?

Let's start with the pashmina. In most climates this is never going to be brought out in the summer, but in Colorado this can been a nice addition to the cooler summer nights in place of a jacket. The nice cashmere ones are the best, but you'll drop $200-300 on a good one. The less expensive versions are okay for the occasional wearer.

I found this great picture of several ways to wear a pashmina.

This is the more trendy way to wear one.

The square silk scarf has been around forever. It's a little dated to wear around your neck, but I can see it coming back at some point. If you have any of those lying around then tying them around your purse handles is a fun way to get some use out of it right now.

The longer, rectangle shaped silk scarf is much more versatile in my opinion. I love the the look of either open or tied around the neck. And wearing it as a belt is a great way to add something different to your outfit. I have a few that I wear as belts fairly often.

Any advice on shoes for the summer?

I have one word for you: wedge. I know some people are scared of a very high heel, but a wedge is the most comfortable heel you'll ever wear. Please go try a pair on. They go with pants, jeans, shorts, skirts, dresses, swimsuits... basically everything. And they are everywhere right now. A wedge is feminine, fun, fashionable, and freaking awesome. Here are a variety of styles I love.

Have fun accessorizing. It's the icing on the cupcake...

...QueenB Says

Your Life on a Diet

2010-07-15T04:58:00.000-07:00

If I asked you, “Are you on a diet?” in general you would assume I was referring to what you are NOT eating. And I have been known to say, “If you want to lose weight quit worrying about what you ARE eating and focus more on what you are NOT eating”, and I truly believe that. You figure out how many calories a day you need to eat and the rule is don’t eat anything more than that.

But, if you are limited to 1800 calories a day, you can’t eat 1800 calories of bacon or chocolate cake and call it good (well, maybe once in a blue moon you can). You have to use those calories wisely. So in reality, the word diet should also be about what you ARE eating. It needs to be balanced, flavorful, good for you, high quality, well prepared, occasionally indulgent, and it needs to give you energy.

To use the diet example, here’s a way that I both cut and added to create the perfect QueenB scenario:

I cut my calories to 1800. That was the perfect number that got me to my goal weight and has kept me right around there. I rarely cheat and if I do I eat less the next day or I do extra cardio to burn it off. I still eat what I love- fruit, sandwiches, salads, tacos, pasta, etc. It just stays under the magic number. Food I eat, in the quantities I eat it, gives me balance, it tastes good, of course it’s high quality, well prepared, quite indulgent, and it gives me energy.
I initially incorporated a no dairy rule into my diet last year. But you know what? I love cheese. Good cheese, like an Irish cheddar or sage derby or dill havarti. So I brought it back. And another thing? We just got a Glacier Ice Cream near the house and they make Banana Caramel Crunch, the best ice cream on the planet, and my husband likes to take me to get it. So I go. Only once a week. But I go. These two foods give me balance, they taste good, they are high quality, they are well prepared, of course they are indulgent, and they give me energy… of the emotional kind mostly. So dairy is back!

I’ve been thinking about this concept of diet being what you add and take away a lot lately, but not about food. Try this on: diet is not just about what you eat, but also about everything else in your life. Your job, friends, family, health, activities.

What if everything in your life took the diet rules into consideration: is it balanced, flavorful, good for you, high quality, well prepared, occasionally indulgent, and does it give you energy? What would you lose? What would you gain?

Here are some questions you could ponder:

• Are their friendships that don’t bring you value anymore?

• Are their groups you want to be more involved in because they elevate you in some way?

• Can you do something different with your diet or exercise routine that would make you better?

• Are there new ways of approaching your job that can make you more valuable or make you enjoy it more?

• Are their aspects of your relationship with your spouse that don’t work that you can let go of? Or you can add?

• Does your family get the best of you and in turn fulfill you?

What questions would you add?

...QueenB Says

Ask QueenB

2010-07-11T18:08:00.000-07:00

I've been gathering some Ask QueenB questions in the fashion category. It always comes down to finding the best basics and knowing how to wear trends... is that everyone's struggle? It's certainly mine!

QueenB, what are your favorite stores to shop at and do you have certain brands that you prefer due to fit, cut/styling, comfort, etc?

For work basics I have a couple of go-to stores. Ann Taylor and Ann Taylor's younger sister, The Loft, are great for this. My wardrobe is filled with their suits, cardigan sets, skirts, & pants. Ann Taylor is great for dressier items and The Loft is great for flashier and more casual options.

Perfect example of what you can get at Ann Taylor.

This is at The Loft. More casual and fun. I actually have this jacket!

I've also found that Express, yes... that store that sells gaudy sequin crap for the most part, has a new higher end line. It's typically found in the back of the store near the register. They have a great pencil skirt line that changes regularly in color and detail. I've bough about 5 of them in different colors. They are fabulous to pair with plain or fun tops.

See? Classic. Fashionable. Attractive.

Tahari makes a great suit and I love the way they fit. Nordstrom and online is where I have found them. And I always buy them at a huge discount at the end of the season. I still have to get them tailored, but just assume you will always have to get a suit and pants tailored.

This is a Tahari suit I found at Macy's for under $200.

My casual and more fun pieces tend to come from Anthropologie. They can blend in nicely with my work wardrobe and add flair. But Anthropologie also makes great "going out" clothes.

One last piece of advice: get good jeans. Spend over $100 and get them tailored to fit you. I have to get the waist and length taken in every time. And it is worth it. Ill fitting jeans are the easiest way to look like you don't know how to dress. When you get them tailored take the heel height of shoes that you will most likely wear with that pair of jeans. The jeans that you wear with flats cannot be the same jeans you wear with heels. Sorry, that's just the way it is.

What's QueenB's take on the return of the 1977 one-piece jumpsuit? Just saw a purple one and was tempted to try it on.

I think they can be very flattering if they fit correctly. You need to have a 1 to 2 ratio in top to bottom... it may be 1 to 1.8, something like that, but you get my point. And I think the silhouette needs to be an hourglass that is equal on top and bottom. And the pants should drop straight down from the widest part of your hip. That is tough for so many body types to pull off. I'm short, so I would probably just go with the shorts version that I've been seeing around and wear with heels. If I got the pants version, I'd definitely wear them with extremely high heels to trick the eye.

The boobs are another thing to think about. With the blousy shirt and fitted waist you have a shorter torso, or perceived shorter torso. So you have to be careful that your girls don't take up too much of that "space".

I like this fit. It's 1:2 ratio and flows straight down nicely.

This jumpsuit with heels is what QueenB would wear.

I found this picture of celebs. I love the fit of the first two. But the third? See what I mean about an equal hourglass vs. a pear shape?

Next week I will answer more fashion questions in Ask QueenB on scarves and shoes. In the mean time, go shopping...

...QueenB Says

Change Your Mind

2010-07-09T09:07:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of messages out there about knowing who you are and standing for what you believe in. I actually think there is lot to be said and learned about integrity and morality and honor and on and on and on… and there are much better people than me to speak on those topics. But here’s one that we hear less about: changing your mind.

There is a lot of apprehension around changing your mind. Mostly because it can be viewed as a sign of weakness. But I want to challenge that assumption. I honestly think it takes a lot of balls to change your mind. I’m not talking about ordering the risotto for dinner and then flagging down the waiter and telling him you decided you’d rather have the scallops, although that does take some guts… it’s annoying, but ballsy. I’m talking more about life decisions, values, and lifestyle changes. Think about it, to change your mind:

1. You have to know what you think and why you think it in the first place.

2. You have to open yourself up to learning something new.

3. You have to admit that you were wrong.

Starting with the first one, how many of us can honestly say we know WHY we believe something? In many cases we believe something just because the people around us think it or we were never exposed to another way of thinking. If you cannot explain your side AND the other side then I challenge that you really don’t know 100% of what you are talking about.

Second, learning something new takes effort. And I’m not talking about reading an article in the newspaper and being able to quote a few statistics. Although, that is a great way to begin the process. But that is just the beginning of the process. Once you are curious, LEARN more about it or DO something new.

And the third point about admitting you were wrong? Big balls. And doing it in a way that doesn’t offend, patronize or condescend is really tough.

Personally, I have a lot of respect for people who change their mind and do it in a way that is constructive. I don’t want to believe things just because I should or just because other people do. I want to understand WHY I believe those things. I also have a lot of respect for people who can say, “I haven’t made up my mind about that yet”, which is something I do often. Trust me, after years of being asked when I’m going to have a kid and sticking by my “I haven’t made up my mind about that yet” answer I can tell you… THAT also takes balls.

So change your mind. But own it. It shows you are intelligent, thoughtful, progressive, and frankly, human. As humans we change our minds; the question is, do we have the balls to admit it?

…QueenB Says

Being Fake Is Not All Bad

2010-07-06T07:29:00.000-07:00

Pretense - [pri-tens, pree-tens] - noun - pretending or feigning; make-believe; a false show of something

Is pretense bad? It depends. I know, I know...that is the worst answer. But it's accurate. Of course we can all agree that pretense in many situations is horrible. I'm not going to argue that. However, there are so many scenarios where pretense is absolutely necessary. It's polite, it's social, and it's courteous. And honestly, I think as a society we are lacking that decorum more and more.

If you refuse to have any pretense in your life then you likely have very few friends, you probably get threatened with bodily harm from people regularly, and are referred to as psychotic or some other mental condition.

If you are on the end of the scale where you just abhor having to use pretense and only use it when you absolutely HAVE TO then you probably fight a lot with your family and significant other, get poor service, and wonder why so many conversations with others escalate to anger.

Pretense, when used in proper doses, works wonders in your relationship. It makes people treat you better at a restaurant or store. It opens the door to conversation and makes people feel comfortable. It allows you to have stronger friendships and relationships with your coworkers. It gives people around you self-esteem. It makes people think you are nice, pleasant, fun, open, and approachable.

What does the pretense that I'm referring to look like?

"You look great today!" "We would love to!" "Thank you so much, that was the best manchego I've had!" "Staying home tonight sounds great, we'll watch a movie!" "You are the power point master!" "This is the best bakery in town!" "It was so nice to meet you!" (I totally meant these if I've ever said them to you).

How do you know what the "proper dose" of pretense is? Try this:

Is it giving someone a boost or deserved compliment? If so, then say it. I give you permission to be fake! Embrace it! It will be good for you...
Is it detrimental to you to say or do this? If not, then say it.
Are there any repercussions of saying it or not saying it? If not, then say it.
Can you say it sincerely and nicely? If so, then say it. If not, tone it down until it sounds sincere and go back to question 1.

We can all do "pretense" better and it would make the world a nicer place to be. Now I'm curious, how do you use pretense to get along or get ahead? Just don't tell me how you use it with me...

...QueenB Says

QueenB's Rules for Shopping

2010-07-01T09:14:00.000-07:00

I was chatting with someone about the effect that your Style Statement could have on your life. Her statement was it's "VERY helpful to think more deliberately on these things. I'm realizing that just because I like so many things I don't have to incorporate them into 'me'." I think that is the biggest takeaway I'm going to get out of this concept as well.

I remember a hotel I stayed at in New Orleans had the most wonderful lobby and every night they served hot chocolate and peanut butter sandwiches as a "midnight snack". The service items were ornate silver, they had delicate teacups and plates, the seats were all gold and burgundy and mahogany Victorian, men in tuxedos drifted about to ask if you needed anything. It transported me to a different world... and I loved it! But it is not my style for every day. I can enjoy it occasionally and have a lovely experience with it, without needing to bring the french-creole southern style into my space. (I could probably work men in tuxedos flitting about waiting to serve me into my style, but that's probably a different post).

Being aware of how you choose to bring different styles into your life is a fine line that I'm still figuring out. With decorating for example, the husband and I have different styles and we are still working out how to incorporate those into a suitable balance. We are getting much better at it as time goes on.

I think life experiences, like the New Orleans hotel, allow you to sample different flavors (that may change your style statement over time) and partnering with someone else is going to force you to blend your style statement with another and will take some effort to get right. But here's where you must stick to exactly what suits you: your clothing.

Why?

How many of you have perfectly good, beautiful pieces in your closet that you NEVER wear? Either because they don't go with anything else in your closet or they just never feel comfortable or you actually grew to hate them? I do, I do. That is because they are outside of my true-to-self style statement. I have put some thought into why I buy things like that and have created a few rules for shopping:

Stupid stuff I've bought by breaking the following rules.

Shop with someone who knows you and does not influence your instincts too much. You want to be able to ask an opinion and get an honest answer... for you... not for them. I think that makes the perfect shopping buddy, someone who can look at something and not think of themselves. Here's an example, I would wear pastel but my mom is much more comfortable with rich, saturated colors. So when she comes out in a pretty burgundy shirt that I might choose in a pale yellow I would never say, "Why don't you try the yellow?". I can look at it from the perspective of her style and her closet and her taste and give my opinion. Yes, I just called myself the perfect shopping buddy... so?
Shop with care when you are having a life experience. On vacation is a great example. If you are in Miami and are shopping for a dress to wear to dinner that night you have to be careful you don't splurge on some flamenco number that you will never wear again. Another example, I know that most people don't "do the mall" like I do. If they have valet parking I use it, if they offer champagne I drink it, if they have an expert in house I talk to them as much as I can (like a shoe guy or the dress lady who has dressed the social elite for 28 years). I take my time, I try on lots of things, I make it a glamorous and enjoyable affair. This could influence some of you in a way that may take you out of your true style. My bohemian or natural or edgy friends could find themselves trying on white sailor pants with a navy striped fitted sweater if they aren't careful. I would probably be a good shopping buddy and steer you away from it, but be careful, I might encourage it and offer to buy for half price later on....
Try not to shop when you are emotional. This is like the rule of not cutting your hair after a break up. You make bad decisions when you are angry, sad, or struggling emotionally in some way. I have bought baseball jerseys, sarong dresses, western shirts, and other dumb purchases. Well, dumb for me. So I say that once you are in a better place, THEN go shopping, and call me...

...QueenB Says

Not Good With Names

2010-06-27T19:40:00.000-07:00

I'm not very good with names. Some of you are master's at this. In fact, I married someone who is exponentially better at this than me. If you remember names, you are lucky.

I've tried some tricks to help me. Like, think of someone you already know with that name and then find a similar feature that will trigger that name when you see the person you just met. Or say their name outloud when you meet them or 2 or 3 times in your head. Those sort of work for me. But not consistently.

What does work for me are 2 things:

First, before I go somewhere that I'm going to need to remember names I do my research. Perhaps, I'm going to a business meeting. In that scenario I will go back and review previous emails or business cards or reports that contain all the names of anyone I may come into contact with. If I'm going to a work happy hour and I have to remember spouses names, I will check Facebook before I go to refresh my memory. Another good way I do this is I ask the person I am going with, typically my huz, to just remind me of anyone's name I forgot.

Second, and this works wonders, I introduce someone who's name I know to the person who's name I don't know. You know what this does? It forces them to tell their name to the person I know. Here's how it goes: I would say, "Hey there! So great to see you! Have you met my friend Amie?". They would say, "Hi Amie, I'm Isabelle. Nice to meet you". Ta Da!

I can't believe I'm telling my tactic, because I use it so often that no doubt many of you have seen it. And now you know that I've committed the social faux pas of forgetting someone's name. Many. Many. Times. One more flaw admitted to the world...

...QueenB Says

Friday's 5 Thoughts... With a Twist

2010-06-25T07:24:00.000-07:00

QueenB: I have so many amazing friends who have vast expertise and extraordinary talents. Their experience, advice, and encouragement are so much of what make me who I am and what I want to be. In that spirit, I am so excited to start featuring GUEST BLOGGERS on QueenB Says. Our first edition comes from my gorgeous, classy, brilliant, engaging friend Katie (@katiemaryjones). I was telling her about today's post and wanted her to add her thoughts and experience. Which you WILL find valuable, I know.

Katie: I’m 28 and have the skin of an pubescent teen. It makes me feel self conscious and it pisses me off. I’ve got adult onset acne.

I’ve been obsessing over the fact that my skin is no longer clear, simply because I know how good it can look.

Recently I’ve spent gobs of money trying to treat it. I’ve used OTC treatments like Proactiv and prescription treatments like Retin-A. Both of them suck, don’t use them. They ravage your skin and suck every last drop of moisture out of it. In most cases end up producing more sebum to counteract the extreme drying effect these products have on their skin.

Now I’m taking a less harsh approach and am having light treatments administered by a wonderful esthetician, Leah Nickie. (Thanks for another amazing referral Betsy!). Different colors in the spectrum have varying positive effects on skin rejuvenation – such as rebuilding collagen and killing P. acnes. This light is also safe for your skin – there are no harmful UV rays emitted from these machines. I’ve now had three “blue light” treatments and around a week post treatment I see significant clearing in my skin. I’m also using more calming facial products from the GM Collin Paris line. These treatments seem to be working….so far.

It only takes a few days to weeks for my zits to make a reappearance. It’s an uphill battle. Leah Nickie and I are working together to figure out the best plan of attack. She’s helped me to clear up my “patterned acne”. This occurs when people wear sunglasses, talk on phones a lot, etc. Your skin has a reaction to the unsterile surface and acne pops up when these devices come into contact with your skin. Mine specifically was occurring where my sunglass rims touched my cheeks. I’m also working on one other big issue that I have. Picking. I’m OCD and if there is anything abnormal on my face I want it gone. I pop zits and I pick scabs. I’m well aware that this isn’t helping my situation whatsoever, but I’m making strides to break the habit.

And so I wait – I’m hoping for something magical at this point. I feel like I’m at a prime point in my life and I would appreciate clear skin. Genetics, however, tell me that since my mom STILL has acne at 60 I might not ever experience the clear skin that I had during my teens again!

QueenB: I realize this is my second post on acne. But in the past few weeks I have had something creep up I my life that has me thinking about it: my bulldog has adolescent canine acne. This is very normal and will go away with no treatment, so we’ve decided that we aren’t planning to go to great lengths to treat it. Mostly because, well, SHE’S A DOG. But it did get me to thinking about the human variety of acne, specifically the adult onset version.

So, here are my 5 thoughts on this heinous and unfair occurrence that we are subjected to. Note: this is TMI and if you get grossed out, stop here and join back in when I’m in a prettier and more confident mood.

1. Apparently this acne thing isn’t going to end soon. People I know in their 40s and 50s still get them. This piece of information was left out of my chick manual.

2. The older you get the bigger the volcano.

3. Why in god’s name do they migrate. I got my first back zit a few months ago. What?!

4. Good solutions, like proactive or PTR, break your hair off. So you look like a toddler with baby bangs.

5. I hate people with perfect skin. Yes, I hate my husband.

Thank you and have a great weekend…

…QueenB Says

My Perfect Look

2010-06-23T07:22:00.000-07:00

You know that game you play where you ask, "What would you eat if you had to have only one thing for the rest of your life" and other questions like that? I play that often because it's a great way to get a conversation going, but one question that has never been asked, that I was recently prompted to answer, is "What would you wear everyday if you could only have one outfit?". You may expect me to say something like, "I would NEVER just have one outfit!" But I think I may have found something I could do every day. Here goes:

This is a Diane Von Furstenberg dress. She invented the wrap dress in the1970's and I am a convert to this flexible, comfortable, and classic style. This gorgeous black thing is not in my closet, but may be soon.

Here are the shoes I could wear every day. These have red soles... if you don't know what that means then crawl out of your hole and buy a Vogue. It is a crime that I don't have a pair of Christian Louboutins. One I hope to rectify in the near future, perhaps with these nude peep-toes. Nude heels make your legs look longer and cause you to instantly drop 10 pounds. Pinky swear.

Next is the bag. This is the ultimate, fabulous, classic, perfect statement that I hope to be able to make some day. Chanel. Chanel. Chanel. Red. Red. Red. It takes coherent sentences right out of my mouth!

The perfect way to look like you belong in the society pages of Vanity Fair is to tie a scarf around your bag. An Hermes scarf is the most popular, it's a style icon that has books devoted to it! This is the one I'd choose to tie around my bag. I love the tiger image, as it adds just the right amount of "grrr".

Jewelry that I am attracted to is typically antique, especially Victorian or Edwardian pieces. I love mixing a detailed, filigree necklace with a simple, classic outfit. This gold and pearl necklace is from the 1910's, same era as my wedding ring. It is perfect with the dress and shoes, don't you think!

I would not leave the house without some fabulous sunglasses. I lost my Chanel's in Virgin Gorda and I've been looking for the perfect replacement ever since. These are close and will give you the general idea of what would complete my PERFECT LOOK.

I could wear this combination every day. It is classic and refined and simple and sexy and chic and lots of other words that I want to be. It is also comfortable, a word I don't care too much about when it comes to clothing, but for some reason many of you do. Personally, I'm only comfortable when I am pulled together and look good. This look can go from the office to shopping to a cocktail reception to a trendy new restaurant. And hopefully you'll see me in it somewhere soon. Someone forward this to my husband...

.,.. QueenB Says

Perspective

2010-06-21T04:13:00.000-07:00

When people get upset or angry they resort to many different reactions. I looked it up just to give me some ideas, but you know what people do in general. Some yell, become violent, clam up, cry. I tend to lose sleep because I'm up all night reliving what I should have said or done, practicing what I'm going to say to them next time, beating myself up over what I am feeling, or being indignant about the injustice of it all. This post is not about how I am going to try to not get upset or angry anymore... that is NOT going to happen. But I am going to work on my reaction to "IT", whatever "IT" is.

My friend Jenny mentioned that she works out more to help her deal with being upset or angry. My friend Suzan gives herself a time limit to vent and then she has to be done. My mom resorts to a more internal mechanism of prayer. These work for them. They don't seem to work for me. I am coming to realize that to get over "IT" I need to get a sense of perspective. Just thinking about what someone else may be dealing with that is more difficult or remembering where "IT" really fits in the grand scheme helps me.

Last month I was driving home and a 20 year old girl coming the other direction ran a light and turned in front of me. We hit head on. Fortunately no one was injured, but my new car was totalled. I did get a mild case of whiplash, of course I had some shock at the time, a little post traumatic stress, and a subsequent fear of driving that I'm almost over (I may never drive full speed through a stop light again), but surprisingly that wasn't the worst of it for me.

If you have ever had to deal with someone else's insurance in a total loss scenario then you know what I have been dealing with for almost 5 weeks. It is a nightmare. Their job is to try to get me to settle for the least possible amount, and to them that obviously means less than what my property is worth. They do this in a variety of ways that are infuriating! Lack of communication, passing you around to a new claim officer (I had 5), talking down to you, cancelling your rental car before you have a settlement, referencing "legal policy" that isn't really law, etc. For literally 3 weeks I lost sleep over this. I argued with them in my head over and over again, usually from about 1am - 5am. I was a wreck.

Then, after hearing of a dear friend's challenging situation that I'm not going to divulge, I got a sense of perspective.

I was able to say, "Honestly B., you are losing sleep and stressing out about a few thousand dollars and a stupid car? You walked away from a totalled vehicle unhurt and are going to eventually work through this and get a new car. And, by the way, you will realize it was silly to get this upset about something you cannot control in a few months anyway so just realize it now!".

It did eventually work out with the insurance and I settled and was able to replace my car. And honestly, after working through this I think I am in a better place. I hate trite sayings like "Everything happens for a reason", but maybe it was a life lesson I needed to learn. Here's my generative coaching from this life situation: I need to be better prepared to gain perspective more quickly in the future. Not that I plan on belittling my feelings or emotions, but I'm not going to let them effect my health and happiness anymore. Well, I'm going to try really, really hard...

...QueenB Says

Over or Under?

2010-06-18T06:02:00.000-07:00

My company recently relocated our corporate headquarters. It is awesome. It's new, clean, open, has lots of windows, there is very little to complain about. One of the repercussions of the move is that we hired a new cleaning company. In general, they seem to do a great job. Except for one thing. They hang the toilet paper with the paper coming out from under the roll vs. over.

This post serves 2 purposes. The first is a very important PSA (Public Service Announcement) that QueenB feels the need to address. Toilet paper should be hung OVER, not under. The biggest reason for this is sanitary... next time you have to tear off your toilet paper on a roll that is hung from UNDER notice that you must touch the toilet paper roll to do this. TOUCH THE PART THAT THE NEXT PERSON HAS TO USE. Do you see my point??? I don't want you touching my toilet paper. And I am not going to say "no offense", because I don't care if you are offended! Keep your hands off my TP! Especially after you have done your business. Which is when you tear the TP!!! GROSS!

Okay... much better.

The second reason for this post has to do with complaining. Here are some of my criteria.

I try not to complain about things that I can fix myself. A couple of examples: The coffee vendor we had in the old building was sub par. I didn't complain, I just brought my own coffee. Easy. In the gym, I don't know if other people clean their equipment after they use it. I have no reason to complain about something I cannot prove and it's easy enough to do a quick wipe down before I work out. It takes 21 seconds. No biggie.

I also try not to complain about things that have a low possibility of happening again. Like when you go out to eat and they tell you 20-30 minutes and you happen to wait 35. Complaining seems unnecessary. The hostess can do nothing about it, she has no control over how long people sit after they are done. In fact, I've probably been one of those sitters that makes your wait longer. The waitstaff doesn't care what the hostess told you or how long you had to wait and they can't really do anything about it anyway. In general, I'm just going to be easy going about things like that and let it go.

I'm not going to complain about things that are insignificant. You can think of dozens of these. Someone talking on their phone while walking slowly in front of you. Someone standing in the middle of the aisle at the grocery store. Not being able to find your size at a store. In these type of scenarios complaining just forces you to focus on the negative for longer than it warrants.

So where does the toilet paper hanging under at work fit into this?

Can I fix it myself? Yes. I can tear off the outer layer of toilet paper, throw it away, and go from there. Problems with this solution: wasting paper means killing trees, I leave my germs for the next person.

Does this have a low possibility of happening again? No. I use the restroom multiple times a day and I use toilet paper every time.

Is this insignificant? Yes. In the grand scheme of things it is insignificant. It's annoying, but I've probably already spent too much time on this.

Here's why I'm not going to complain:

First, 2 out of 3 of my reasons don't stack up.

Second, if I complain, I become one of "those people". I hate "those people" and you do too. And "those people" don't get any hall passes or favors when the time comes.

Third reason, it will keep me on a list of people that can be made fun of, probably indefinitely.

Fourth, I'm not sure that I know exactly who to complain to. Facilities? The cleaning company?

And last, I'm correcting someone on their job. That they do full time. They certainly carry the expertise title in toilet paper hanging. And I'm okay letting that title go here at work...

...QueenB Says

Style Statement

2010-06-16T04:22:00.000-07:00

I got an Ask QueenB question a few weeks ago that is excellent:

“Do you like to buy what is in fashion or do you stick to longer lasting pieces/classics and only buy a few key fashion pieces?"

Before I answer it I want to talk about a wonderful book and concept that my friend Emma-nation turned me on to. It is called your style statement. It is a two word statement that, in their words, “helps you make empowered decisions - from your wardrobe and home to your relationships and work. When the spirit and the look and feel of your life are connected to your true nature, you feel at home wherever you are. You walk taller. You think more clearly. And the world responds accordingly". Cool, huh?

If you purchase the book it will walk you through a series of exploratory forms where you fill in your preferences around things such as home, fashion, relationships, communication, etc. Then you reflect on your answers to come up with your style statement. The first word is your inner foundation, your 80%. Your second word is your creative edge, your 20%.

My style statement is Classic Glamorous.

Now back to the Ask QueenB question. If you posed this question to 5 “fashionable” people you would get 5 wonderful answers. I tend to go with the following when buying clothing:

Boot cut jeans, pencil skirts, tailored wide and straight leg pants
Fitted shirts I can leave untucked, cardigan sets, decorative and dressy tanks
Shirt dresses, wrap dresses, fitted sheath dresses
Feminine high heels, shiny or decorated wedges or flip flops

These basics in my wardrobe all fit with the Classic Glamorous theme. Here's a link to a few of my outfits, just to prove it.

Anything that I get that would be categorized as "trendy" tends to go towards my 20% word, Glamorous. Here are a few examples of trendy things I've purchased lately that I love:

Adorable grey and black striped tights

Fitted navy vest with gold cording and buttons

Freaking awesome taupe suede booties with silver studding

See, these may be called Glamorous Classic, right?

So, now, how do you incorporate the idea of a style statement into your life, clothes, and shopping strategy? First, consider taking the time to figure out your style statement, either with the book (an $18 investment), or peruse their website to get some ideas, or maybe you just know yourself well enough to come up with the right combination.

Next, use that style statement to know what makes you “fashionable”. You'll never go wrong once you know what makes you feel good and if you stick with that theme. I could tell you to buy 3 pencil skirts, 2 straight leg pants, a great pair of boot cut jeans, 2 button down shirts, and 3 cardigan sets – all in solid colors – and it might give you something to work with, but it would be boring. You have to add your flair to it to make it work for you. Here are a few ways that can be done with basics:

Add your own accessories to those basics (chunky gold jewelry, funky oxford heels, vests).
Switch up some of the details to each of those that make them interesting (satin cording, antique buttons, bright colors, or argyle patterns).
Swap out those basics for other basics you like (A-line skirts, cowl-neck tops, blazers, or tweed).

Once you have your basics in your 80/20 style, then add in your other items that fit your 20/80 style to spice it up.

If you are Traditional Elegance then this may be a 3 tiered pearl necklace.
If you are Cultivated Creative then it may be a hand painted silk shirt.
If you are Tailored Sparkle then it may be a fitted jacket with rhinestone details on the lapel.

One final note, if you can and are living your style statement through what you do for a career or what you do everyday, then you are set. If you work in corporate America and your style is Sensual Glitter or Bohemian Hemp, then you may have to make some compromises to fit in. But I don't think QueenB can help you with that...

...QueenB Says

I Don't Park Next To Vans

2010-06-13T17:41:00.000-07:00

I remember when I was younger having a fear of people in vans. My mom would never park next to them and told us it was because some scary dude might open the door and kidnap us and drive away really fast. Made sense to me then.

I think that is one of the reasons why I have this habit where I imagine the worst that could happen in a lot of scenarios. Not in all facets of my life, but more around physical safety. Here are some examples:

I hike a lot. There is one passage on Boulder’s Mt. Sanitas that takes me twice as long as everyone else to get through because I can completely imaging rolling down and breaking multiple bones.
When lifting weights I imagine that they will slip and fall on my foot or head or something.
I am convinced that I will die one day by falling down the stairs. I have 3 floors in my house and I work on the 2nd floor of a building and I not only hold the railings, I am slow and cautious every time I go down the stairs.
I don’t play sports with balls because I think they will break my nose or fingers.
The huz and I had to knock down a wasp nest last week and my job was to hold the bag underneath. I couldn’t make myself walk up to it so I got fired.
I don’t look both ways before crossing the street. I look both ways twice and a few times while I’m crossing.

Now in some ways this is a good thing. I’m cautious and rarely get hurt and I don’t put myself in risky situations. But this is also quite neurotic and keeps me from trying new things and testing some limits. Honestly though, I’m okay with that. For the most part.

I’m not okay with it when I know it’s unrealistic and is effecting me in a negative way. A good example of this is driving in the snow. I get such anxiety every time that weather is on its way, multiple people can attest to this. If I still lived in Dallas this would be okay, but I live in Colorado. I have upgraded to a great 4 wheel drive SUV. It only partially helped. Nothing anyone has said and no amount of positive self talk has gotten me past this. My next step is to take a driving class. I’ve found one and intend to sign up. If that doesn’t work, then I’ll have to try something else. But I WILL beat this irrational fear!

The trick for me is going to be determining those fears I can live with as quirks versus those fears that are negatively effecting my life. Then I need to figure out how to address them. I still won’t park next to vans…

…QueenB Says

Pedagogy vs. Andragogy and the Generations

2010-06-11T04:19:00.000-07:00

The idea of this post came from a lecture that included a comparison of pedagogy, or teacher based learning, and andragogy, which is more of an experienced based or learner based form of learning. That got me to thinking about differences in the generations, in the workplace and in general.

I am a member of Generation X. We are a generation that is coming into our primes socially, politically, in our careers, and our earning potential. And we are not the youngest in the workplace anymore. Generation Y has made it's appearance over the past 5 to 10 years.

To set the stage, here is a short description of each of these generations:

Generation X: born in between 1965-1980, this generation is very independent and individualistic, we are technically adept, we adapt well to change, and work to live rather than our parent's live to work mentality.
Generation Y: born in the 80's, this generation is tech savvy to a point of preferring email and messaging to face-to-face communication, they are more family centric, have strong confidence, have a need to be included and involved, and require praise and reassurance.

Now, I could be remembering things very self-servingly (which is fine with me), but my generation graduated, got jobs, got training, learned from those around us, worked hard, and honed our skills. We spent the first part of our lives pedagogically - learning from teachers and books and lectures - and ultimately shifted to become andragogical learners - essentially forming our knowledge based on our past experiences, trial and error, and from people around us. (Being generatively coachable is one aspect of this.)

Generation Y is smart and quick to pick up technology and expects achievement in all areas, so once they develop more andragogically they will be a force to be reckoned with. The biggest hurdle for them will be the groundwork they are laying for themselves now, early in their careers. The most difficult part of my dealings with Generation Y is regardless of their little experience in the workplace, they still have a strong sense of entitlement, they also have a lack of professionalism and little respect for politics.

This is my blog, so I can say whatever I want, right? Let me first say that I have met some very brilliant and incredible Gen Y'ers, so not all of you are typical of this generalization. But here is my advice for the bulk of you:

Your sense of entitlement is absurd. From what I've read, this stems from the concept of "everyone wins" and baseball games where you don't keep score. What?!? Growing up I knew who the smart kids were and who the less smart kids were, I knew who was going to get the blue ribbon in little olympics (not me) and who was going to win the spelling bee. I've literally heard, "I've been here longer, so I should get the office/promotion/title". I've wanted to scream, "THEY HAD 14 YEARS OF EXPERIENCE AT 4 DIFFERENT COMPANIES BEFORE YOU GRADUATED COLLEGE!", (I think I did scream it once at some girl and scared her half to death... whatev). Gen Y Newsflash: not everyone wins and you will lose sometimes. Also, people will rank you and you will have to compete to be ranked higher. You don't GET respect, promotions, raises, and opportunities, you EARN them. That takes intelligence, of course. But also experience and time. Get them and we can talk.

Your lack of professionalism now will follow you around forever. Don't dress more casually than the other people you work with, it makes you look sloppy and lazy. We may know what you mean when you use emoticons and text speak in emails, but when used excessively we think you don't care and don't know any better. Punctuate, capitalize, don't say ciao and other cutesy phrases. Last, and there are exceptions to all of these, don't be fake, too loud, too giggly, stupid (real or fake), or lazy. Don't put your feet on the desk, don't order 2 drinks at lunch, don't look hungover, and don't high five too often. You may not care about all of this, but the people that control the money and promotions do. And they are talking about you. I promise.

Your disregard of politics is hurting your potential. "But QueenB, the VP and I have a lot in common." No, you don't. They got where they are because they are good with all people, not just you. And you have just made everyone between you and the VP roll their eyes at your naivety. "But QueenB, I'm helping everyone by speaking my mind." Yes, but you are still about 72% idiot. Just kidding... but really, before you spout opinions make sure you know something about it. Don't give another department criticism or advice on how they should run themselves unless you've worked in it and understand the political, financial, legal, and HR ramifications of what you want to say. "But QueenB, I read this Seth Godin book and I totally see what we have to do." I love idealism, but you have to have your feet on the ground too. That means being realistic. You will never create utopia anywhere and the grass is never greener. You SHOULD read things and be inspired, but realize that change takes time, work, strong leaders, passion, and an ability to execute. Ummm... you aren't all that, so you're going to need a lot of help from others or time to become all that. Sorry to burst your balloon, but better now than when your balloon becomes annoying to people. You can have your balloon back when you are older...

...QueenB Says

My Strengths & Why You Care

2010-06-07T05:51:00.000-07:00

I am a "maximizer", an "activator", an "individualizer", an "arranger", and a "learner". These are terms I got from a StrengthFinder assessment a did a few years ago. I, like my good friend, Emma-nation, love labels. When I took this assessment I literally said out loud, "I have the BEST strengths there are to have"... that is my maximizer speaking. But, what does that mean?

"People strong in the Maximizer theme focus on strengths as a way to stimulate personal and group excellence. They seek to transform something strong into something superb."
"People strong in the Activator theme can make things happen by turning thoughts into action. They are often impatient."
"People strong in the Individualization theme are intrigued with the unique qualities of each person. They have a gift for figuring out how people who are different can work together productively."
"People strong in the Arranger theme can organize, but they also have a flexibility that complements this ability. They like to figure out how all of the pieces and resources can be arranged for maximum productivity."
"People strong in the Learner theme have a great desire to learn and want to continuously improve. In particular, the process of learning, rather than the outcome, excites them."

Cool, now what should this tell you about me? I like awesome things, right now, in an organized manner with people that are unique and inspirational.

Here's how this makes me valuable to you:

I see your best. I like individualism and uniqueness. In fact, those things about you that are quirky, are my favorite parts of you. And I see what you can do with those qualities that no one else can do. I'm good at that.

I can turn negative into positive. Example: my activator label comes with a warning, "They are often impatient". Um, okay, I want it now. There is nothing wrong with that, that is an awesome way to go through life. I will also convince you that your perceived shortcomings are actually proving your strength and that your reactions are justified. I'm good at that.

I will get it done. My friend Matt is so creative in the kitchen. He has the perfect idea for whatever the gathering, he finds the best recipes and ingredients, and he knows how to put it together. I step in to help behind the scenes by keeping him on schedule, planning the timing of a meal, taking care of boring details like table setting and chopping, and I keep the area neat and clean throughout his process. I will back you up and make you shine and let you take the credit. I'm good at that.

I will make our time together valuable. I want good food, good wine, and good conversation. I want to learn from you, so I ask a lot of questions about what you know. I share my opinions freely and ask you to do the same. We will both walk away with an experience, even if it's just a good meal. I am good at that.

What are your strengths?

...QueenB Says

Pet Peeve: Gross Shoes

2010-06-06T08:01:00.000-07:00

I was standing behind a woman in line at a restaurant last week in Boulder. She was larger, but had on a very flattering polka-dot wrap dress. Her hair was long and laid in messy curls. Her make up was simple and clean. She was standing tall, with good posture, and confidently reading the menu.

Then I saw her shoes.

They are black heels, but that white stuff? Scuffed up disgustingness.

All of a sudden she became a larger woman in a poorly made wrap dress, the patterns didn't even match up at the seams. She was standing in a very masculine stance. Her hair was badly in need of a wash, a brush, and a style. She didn't take the time to balance her eyeliner and shadow with a complementary lipstick or gloss. She had pale blue purse that was dirty and worn. She didn't take care of her belongings. And was oblivious to those around her.

Now you want to tell me the details don't matter? They can completely change someone's perception of you. Noticing one bad thing just leads people to notice others, and not just about what you are wearing. They'll start in on sizing you up as a person.

Just avoid the opportunity for people to notice one of those kind of details. Get a shoe polish kit and use it. And when your shoes get that bad... throw them out. Use this advice for all of the "details"...

...QueenB Says

5 Thoughts: Invictus

2010-06-04T09:02:00.000-07:00

Need something to watch this weekend? I have an idea. Have you seen "Invictus" with Morgan Freeman and Matt Damon? If not, see it. And don't worry, this blog will not spoil it for you. And if so, what did you think? After a slow start, I thoroughly enjoyed this movie. Multiple themes were inspirational- a nation coming together, the underdog's fight, seeing leadership in action. Here are my 5 thoughts:

Let's start with the actors. What is it about Morgan Freeman? He consistently gets put in the role of a leader, he consistently spouts wisdom, and he consistently gets these roles. I think it has something to do with the way he speaks- calm, confident, and only as much as he actually needs to. Hmmm... I think I could learn from that.
Matt Damon continues to choose roles correctly. When he and Ben Affleck came out on the scene with Good Will Hunting it seemed as if they both had unlimited potential. Well, Matt Damon has lived up to it more so, wouldn't you say? It seems he chooses meaningfully and based on what inspires him, rather than based on money or fame. And he's kinda hot. I love him.
Rugby. Okay, let's be honest, rugby would not do much to cause me to be proud or inspire me to change my mind or take some action. But, it obviously inspired some people. So, if other people inspire me, maybe down the line something as simple as a sport could eventually spur some social positivity in me, right? Quit hatin' on football people, it might change your life.
I've said this before, but the national anthem makes me tear up every time. And it's not just the national anthem, it's really any large group display for something positive. And just a warning, it's getting worse the older I get too.
The poem they feature in the movie is called Invictus by William Ernest Henley. Way cool, check it out:

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll.

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

How can you NOT be inspired by this? Be unconquerable, be proud, be courageous, be yourself...

...QueenB Says

How I Live Efficiently

2010-06-01T15:12:00.000-07:00

This post is not intended to highlight my neurotic tendencies, but it will. I'm okay with that and actually a little proud of my crazy hanging out every once in a while.

I rarely feel rushed, I usually have time for myself everyday, and I always get my personal to do list accomplished. Here are few tips I've learned to enable this for myself:

I pick out and iron my clothes for the week on Sunday. This way every night when I get home, I just set out what I'm going to wear the next day and choose my accessories. I waste no time in the morning dealing with this. It's awesome.
I get out my workout clothes for the week on Sunday. This week I have a run on Sunday, training sessions at 5:30am on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday, and hip hop on Saturday. I know what I have to wear to each of those and if I had to rummage around getting it together the morning of, then that is one more excuse not to get up. I can be ready in 7 minutes for the gym.
We plan our meals for the week and do grocery shopping on Saturday morning. There is no wasted thought or time throughout the week in deciding what to do for dinner and we eat healthy because that is what we planned. It is also financially efficient to plan this way.
If you've seen my house you know that it's always clean. I don't have someone clean it, I actually find it therapeutic to do this myself. It helps that we are both neat and like to keep things in their place. But there are other things I do that keep this up as well. Here are my 6 main categories for every week: dust, vacuum, clean hardwoods, clean bathrooms, bedding, laundry. I add in an extra category or 2 every week as well, these include: windows, blinds, baseboards, appliances, cabinets, magic eraser (if you don't know what this is, you are missing out), rugs. These each happen about once a month. My words of advice: spread the individual tasks out over a 2-3 day period (Friday, Saturday, Sunday), focus on one task a time vs. one room at a time, and find tools that simplify each task (pledge wipes vs. spray and paper towels, swiffer sprayer vs. mop and bucket, etc.).
Before I go to bed I always set the alarm clock, pre-make the coffee, set out our coffee cups, put the electronic gadgets (phones, iPods) on their chargers, and make sure the kitchen is clean. This takes 5-10 minutes total, but makes for such a smooth and efficient morning.

What do you do? Are there other ways to live efficiently that I haven't thought of? Are there 1 or 2 of my tips that you will try?

...QueenB Says

What is Generative Coachablility?

2010-05-30T05:58:00.000-07:00

In the type of work I do (manager, marketer, business developer), I occasionally get to attend continuing education/professional development type events. I feel very fortunate that I get this opportunity for multiple reasons: I learn new things, I meet interesting people, I become better at what I do, and they are expensive if I had to pay for them on my own.

I recently attended one called LCP Training, which stands for Leadership, Creativity, and Power. True, it sounds a little idealistic and frankly, corny. But, it was filled with insights about communication, listening, prioritizing, motivating, goal setting, and generally a lot of things we are okay at, but can always improve.

However, I gleaned onto one insight in particular, the concept of "generative coachability".

To define this, I'll first break it down. Generative means capable of producing or creating. Coachability means the ability to take instruction or advice. The concept is that you will take every opportunity and encounter you have as a way to learn something new. I want to be like this everyday.

I am in a growth period in my life and I recognize that I am evolving and will become more self aware and socially aware the further I go in this process. So this was timely and appropriate for me right now, which are usually the things we glean onto, right? However, I will incorporate generative coachability into my day to day life, hopefully indefinitely. And I'll do my best to not be annoying about it with all of you.

Here are a couple of ways I have done this in the past few days:

I was told by one of the instructors that I was essentially too verbose. Instead of just being bothered by this, I decided to pull him aside and ask him if he would clarify and give me some coaching. Recognizing that I need to speak out loud to process data and form opinions, his suggestions were 2 things: first, when I need to speak to actually get to what my point is that I should let the person know ahead of time, "Will you just indulge me and let me verbalize my thoughts out loud until I come to a point?". Second, that I should learn to be okay with silence in a conversation so I can take the time to figure out what I want to say before I say it. He followed it up by telling me that I was eloquent and good with words and those were great traits, that I just needed to hone my delivery in certain situations. Great advice and turned a potentially negative perception I had of myself into something I can really learn from.
In my TRX training I'm obviously doing physical activity. However, I realized that the group dynamic was something I wanted to use to my advantage. So I switched classes to join one of more fit and very motivated individuals. What I am taking from that? It is synergistic- they push me, I push them, they push me harder, etc. I need to continue to surround myself with people that push me and make me better- by inspiring, questioning, or encouraging me. And this needs to happen in every area of my life.
I participated in a chocolate tasting. Awesome in itself, of course. But I learned that just 10 minutes of self indulgence and focused attention will give me more peace of mind for a much, much longer period of time than I thought possible. Is 10 minutes and 70 calories at the end of a work day worth a relaxed evening and easier mental shutdown before bed? Abso-freakin-lutely. Eat more chocolate!

Generative coachability, awesome...

...QueenB Says

5 Thoughts: Billionaire by Travis McCoy

2010-05-28T06:04:00.000-07:00

I just loaded this song on my iPod and it's awesome. It is the perfect lead in to summer. It's been on the iPod for only 5 days and already has about 15 plays. So enjoy... and here are my 5 thoughts about Billionaire by Travis McCoy.

I love the attitude of this song. "I want to be on the cover of Forbes magazine. Smiling next to Oprah and the Queen." Set your goal. If it is wealth, then this song is made for you. But if it's generosity, fame, intelligence, living life to the fullest... cool. Just aim big.
Say it out loud. I love the warning: "The world better prepare when I'm a billionaire". So empowering!
This does not replace "If I Had a Million Dollars" by Barenaked Ladies, but it's definitely number 2 in the money list.
Warning: there is some profanity. I think excessive profanity is a sign of a poor vocabulary, unintelligence, and low self-esteem, but sometimes a well-placed F-bomb can make a point.
Doesn't this song make you want to lay out by a pool in a gold bikini and Tom Ford sunglasses with a rum punch? Or at least hang out with that girl? Welcome to summer...

...QueenB Says

Why I Will Be Sore for 6 Weeks

2010-05-26T05:49:00.000-07:00

I love to work out. I actually enjoy pushing myself and meeting goals I set. Last year I wanted to run 2 half marathons and lift an average of 4 days a week. I wrote it down and I did it. This year I'm going to document my 3 goals for you here as well, so I'm held accountable.

I will do a 14er.
I will run a half marathon.
I will do a 1 armed push up.

For those of you not familiar, my first goal of hiking a 14er is something every Coloradoan should do. It's a mountain that exceeds 14,000 feet. And hiking one is strenuous for multiple reasons: the altitude gain, the sheer elevation, lack of oxygen at the top, the amount of time it takes (usually a full day), and that due to weather you can only do them a few months out of the year. I've lived here 8 years and haven't done one. Yet. My lovely friend Suzan and I are planning to do one in July. Not sure which one, we're taking suggestions.

The second goal is no biggie. I've run about 7 half marathons. Just going to do another one. Probably the Boulder Half Marathon (formerly the Boulder Backroads) in September. The 10 weeks it takes to train for one keeps my cardio in check.

As for my 3rd goal... well, I have 2 reasons for having this one on here. First, if I can do a 1 armed push up, then I've got some pretty good strength. And because I will do strength exercises for my whole body, if my upper body can do that, then I'm probably pretty strong and toned all over. Second, how freaking cool would it be for a chick to drop down and do a 1 armed push up?!?!

I'm pretty clear how to train for the first 2. It's the push up that I need help on. So, I recently joined a 6 week boot-camp style training program. It is using the TRX training system. You can just google "TRX" and get a lot of information, but here's a picture that shows you basically what it looks like.

You are using suspension straps to do various exercises using your own body weight. Robby is the kick-ass trainer that is leading these classes, and I've found one that has very competitive and fit athletes in it who push me even harder. It's not uncommon to hear, "How many reps did you do?" and compare our answers.

So in addition to 6 days a week of cardio, I am going 4 times a week to a 30 minute TRX class. I've been to 7 classes in the past week and a half... I have been sore the whole time. And as he begins to challenge me and change things up I will continue to be sore, probably for the entire 6 weeks. I mentioned my goal to him. And the good reason to look at joining a group or getting a trainer? He keeps reminding me of it in the class and that will push me even harder.

But... I think I'll be able to do a 1 armed push up at the end. And if I can, I promise I'll post a video of it...

...QueenB Says

The Point System... Clarifications

2010-05-23T14:08:00.000-07:00

I've received verbal commentary on several of my posts and it's always nice to get. But none have caused the reaction of The Point System. Literally people will walk by me in the office and say "I'm a 9 today!". Some people feel the need to come tell me why they'll only ever be a 7 or that they don't think they could ever be comfortable with a 10. I've received emails from some of you telling me your score or asking me how many points I would give a certain piece of clothing. People comment that they are blown away by how much thought I put into it. And the funniest was in hip hop rehearsal when we were trying on outfits. I came out in a hot pink sequin top, black sequin shorts, fishnets, boots, a flowy scarf around my neck, and lace gloves. One of the gals said "That's got to be a 35!"

I got a great clarification question that reminds me of a few more rules and things to think about. So here goes...

How many points do I give a dress?

Dresses are always a struggle for me. I've changed my rules on them a few times. So I'll just give you a few examples and how I've counted them and my thought process.

Hot pink shirt dress: I've referenced this one before, it's the super hero dress. Because it is a solid I would say 2 points is a good start, and I have a black dress that is similar and I might only give it 2 points. But since this one is blinding fuscia, I usually add a point. So 3. I wear the fabric belt that matches it, so I don't give it a point. But, contrasting belts get 1 point. So, if I added a black studded belt or a grey snakeskin belt, then I'd add another point, for a total of 4. (I think I just came up with a new spin on the super hero costume)!

What kind of dress would I give a 2 then? This one. It's a solid, but in pale pink, a color that is more muted. And this isn't a point system rule, but in taking these pictures of the example dresses on the hanger I have to make another rule. ALWAYS try clothes on. This dress looks heinous hanging there, yet when I wear it it makes me feel like Jackie O. That's what it looks like on. I swear!

Black fitted v-neck shift dress with lace panel: This dress would get 3 as well. 2 for the dress and 1 for the lace panel. However, I'm making another new rule here, if I wear this dress with a push up bra then cleavage gets another point. Yes, I give cleavage a point. So this would likely be a 4 on a night out on the town.

This dress is more formal. It is a solid, so start with 2. But it's satin. So shiny fabrics, even when solid, get an extra point. This one would also show considerable cleavage, so I'm now up to 4. I threw this one in because I look hot in it.

Hope this helps clarify some of your burning questions around the point system. I would like to do a post on my readers questions and outfits-with-points soon. So, send me your questions and pictures if you want a cameo on...

...QueenB Says

Why I Am Okay Calling Myself a Queen... Part 3

2010-05-21T04:46:00.000-07:00

Reason Number 1

Reason Number 2

Reason Number 3: Queens create their own image and destiny.

If I know what I want to be, then I can do things to learn how, I can do things to have people see me that way, and I can do things to live it. Here’s what I want to be:

I want to be intelligent. I am… but I try to surround myself with people that challenge me and people that make me think. I read as much as I can, I enjoy the occasional class, I converse often, and I will always take time to do these things,..like, totally.

I want to be classy. Wearing pearls will help. But this includes not only how I present myself physically, it's also in how I act. And when I’m not classy, I want it to be a conscious decision for a reason. Or I will apologize.

I want to be courageous. Being more spontaneous is something I’m working on, and that is part of it. But I also feel to do this I have to be willing to try new things and stand up for myself and other people when I need to. I will not skydive, sorry.

I want to be honest and direct. I will tell you if you have something stuck in your teeth and I will tell you the truth if you ask my opinion. I also am trying to say what I mean more clearly and I have to tell you, it is so much easier and people appreciate it! So I’m going to keep doing that. And if I don’t know the answer, I’m going to be up front about that too.

I want to be full of life. If I can find humor in the world, find passion in my activities and surroundings, have many friends, and appreciate and honor the things around me then I feel I’ve accomplished this. I will dance, but I won't sing. I promise.

I want to be beautiful. This may be shallow, but I am allowed to have many facets and vanity is just going to be one of those, at least right now. I will work out, I will eat well, I will do my nails, get pedicures, lay out, wear make up, wax, laser, wear cute clothes and flirt. Deal with it.

I want to live to be 100. This is about being healthy and treating my body right. It’s also about moderating risk and planning ahead. I guess need to get that rich second husband thing lined up in the next 50 years.

I want to be successful. Typically the goals set for myself involve jobs, money, and travel- still are. Excelling professionally is important to me. Financial stability is important to be. Being well-traveled is important to me. I’m working on all 3 of these.

I want to be well balanced. Work-life. Running-yoga. Healthy-indulgent. Contemplative-light hearted. Red satin dress-jeans. High heels-flip flops.

So there. That is what I hope to be and the image I want to create. This is the royal legacy QueenB hopes to leave behind. And I am asking for your help. If you see other things I need to work on, tell me. If you see me not living up to any of these, tell me. I give you permission. Really. I'm not a scary drag queen (I'll tell that story in a later blog!)

This was the 3rd piece in the series and I really want your feedback here. Do I make my case about why calling myself a Queen is appropriate? Did I convince you that you are a Queen or Empress or King too? Will you take care of yourself more? Who do you need around you? What legacy do you want to leave behind?

...QueenB Says

Why I Am Okay Calling Myself a Queen... Part 2

2010-05-19T06:14:00.000-07:00

Thanks everyone for following along. Part 1 of the series focused on how I treat myself like a queen. I hope you enjoy Part 2!

Reason Number 2: Queens surround themselves with the right people.

I have SME’s* that I regularly check in with (*Subject Matter Experts). I couldn't begin to name them all, but here's a short list of important parts of my life where I need occasional advice and who I go to:

When I need fashion advice there are only a few people that I can go to. Ashley and Katie, thank you for being my go to SME’s in this area. Both of you are classic and practical in your approach to this subject, and know how to add just the right amount of flair to keep it fun.
I have created a network of people that do or have done what I do professionally. To bounce an idea off of someone or to hear how someone else has addressed a certain problem is invaluable. I work with these people now, I’ve worked with these people in the past, and some of you I may get to work with in the future. Mike C., you have been especially helpful and influential along the way, couldn’t be where I am without you!
I have people that I go to when I need to cry, when I need to vent, when I want to laugh, when I want to enjoy a fabulous meal, when I need reassurance, when I need advice. I could go on, but then I might sound REALLY needy.

I have people around me that keep me in check.

The huz will often tell me what I need to hear. He recently, when I was being wishy washy on an issue, called me out. “It’s amazing how your attitude about this changes from day to day”. Yeah, he was right. I’m still making up my mind on this issue, and that’s the process I’m going through right now. But it was nice to have someone push me in the right direction.
My mom keeps me in check too. I was angry about something and was doing my free-flow-thinking-out-loud-about-what-I-would-say-to-this-person. She says, “That is not how a lady would act.” Sometimes being a lady is hard, but you never regret it. Fine! I’ll be a freaking lady!

I have people around me that encourage me. I can think of several instances recently where someone’s encouragement has made all the difference for me. Here are a few:

When I was contemplating writing a blog, I was nervous about it. I’m not a writer and I don’t think of myself as very creative. But 3 people really helped me get going by encouragement, positive feedback, and by being awesome themselves. Emma-nation, Theschumbag, SuzanBond… XOXO.
I've worked really hard this season at improving my dancing. I’m trying to listen to feedback more, be more open to types of movement that make me uncomfortable (I still don’t like floor work, for the record), and practice on my own daily. Well, someone I really respect noticed. Thank you Troy for pulling me aside and giving me solid feedback, but mostly for saying “Look who’s turned into a hip-hopper!"
I manage a great team. I’ve hired people that know what to do and do it. I also have individual contributor responsibilities, so this is important. We work really hard and recently were even awarded a 5-star award for our channel program in the industry… that’s big, okay. In addition to a great team, I have a boss that trusts me to do my job, but still gets involved when I need her to. It’s a great combination. A few months ago she made a comment to me in passing that may not have been something she remembers, but I do, and it gave me a boost of confidence I really needed at the time. She said, “I don’t feel like I have to worry about your team, you run yourselves”. Huge!
I also couldn’t let this go by without mentioning my huz, my mom, my dad, my sister, my b-i-l, Ashley, Amie, Maggie, Katie, Bob, my dance troupe, and I’m forgetting about a dozen other people. You make my world better and give me confidence and I appreciate each and every one of you!

Find your people and make sure they are fabulous, and take the time to thank them for it. You are further along in your path to being the best Queen you can be.

Join me on Friday for Part 3 in the series, where I ask for your support...

...QueenB Says

Why I Am Okay Calling Myself a Queen... Part 1

2010-05-17T05:41:00.000-07:00

Calling myself QueenB is bold. Borderline obnoxious. I’ll definitely concede that point. Though no one has made that point to my face, I’m sure it’s going through some of your minds… mostly because it would go through my mind for many people.

I’ve called myself a princess, a diva, even a bitch. But this is the first time I’ve ever referred to myself as a queen. The nickname came about when I bought my new car. Mercedes has a great program where they have someone walk you through every feature on your vehicle and set up all your options with you before you leave the lot. They have the most adorable gal that does this for about an hour. It’s awesome. One of the features they help you set up is your hands free cell phone. During this process she asked me what I wanted to name my phone. Name my phone? I had never done that before. With the look of confusion and omg-what-do-I-name-my-phone running across my face she graciously stepped in and said, “Something like Queen Bee”. It felt perfect sitting in my brand new Sooner red Mercedes, so that is what we named my phone. I modified Queen Bee to QueenB and now every time I get in my car it says “Connected to QueenB”. So, the name has been top of mind every day. But in addition to that, I have other reasons why I am comfortable with the title. And I’ll go through those one by one in a 3 part series.

Reason Number 1: I am the queen in my own world.

I do what I can to make sure I am well taken care of- I get physical maintenance done on a regular basis, I work out, I plan my meals and eat well, I take time to be by myself, I take time to be with my friends, I read, I talk to my mom almost every day, I play with my dogs, I take time to be with my husband, I keep my house neat and clean, I get enough sleep. It takes time and work, but it keeps me happy and healthy and feeling good.

I treat myself- when I want dessert, I eat it, I only use soap and lotion that smells good, I order the creamy pasta when I want to, and I shop on a regular basis. I try not to go overboard, but I work hard and deserve it. Why would I let anyone tell me I didn’t?

I hope you are the queen in your own world. And if you aren’t, then why not? Try putting your needs and wants first. Not at the expense of your other responsibilities, but to complement them. I bet you’ll find you are happier and have more energy to do the things that the people around you need you for. Today, I deem you all Queens & Kings (or whatever title you wish to own) in your own worlds.

Check back Wednesday for Part 2 in the series...

...QueenB Says

Why I Love Hip-Hop? Continued...

2010-05-16T08:33:00.000-07:00

Thanks everyone for the blog love yesterday!

We had an amazing show and Storm (my troupe) killed it!

Why I Love Hip-Hop?

2010-05-15T05:44:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I was posed a question for Ask QueenB. I’m answering it today in honor of tonight’s hip hop performance, Streets of the World. Also, I felt it was a question that I wanted to think more about and truly articulate what it means to me in a nontrivial way.

“What is your take on the world of hip-hop? How has it changed your view on yourself and society?” –Troy

First, on the surface I have changed in a few ways. I am definitely willing to be more edgy in my clothing choices. When I first started hip hop 7 years ago I tended to wear my regular workout clothes to classes. Now, I typically wear baggy (really baggy) sweatpants and a tank that I’ve personally altered with scissors in some way. A recent addition to the ensemble has been a hat of some kind. When we costume up for a show, I have no qualms about fishnets and mini-skirts, feathers, lace gloves, fangs, dark make-up. In fact, it is one of my favorite parts of the experience. None of this is that surprising, but what is is that this edginess has found its way into my personal and professional wardrobes as well. Not fishnets or bustiers, but definitely more pencil skirts, feminine dresses, wilder prints as well as more fitted clothes, shorter lengths, and higher heels. Why do I think this is due to hip hop? I feel more confident in how I look and how my body makes me feel.

Second, I am more willing to let different facets of my life bleed over into each other. Where before I was self conscious and timid about it, now I love to come home and show the huz what I’m working on in dance, even when it’s a little raw. Because I was worried it might seem less that professional for a technology marketing director to do hip hop, I kept the performances fairly private from my coworkers. But for the last 2 shows I have hung the event posters on my office door advertising it. Why do I think this is due to hip hop? I see an acceptance of many walks of life from my hip hop friends. They welcome new people and welcome new things about the veterans, they are genuinely interested in people. They enjoy learning new things and not only find joy in movement that may feel or look awkward and unfamiliar, but encourage it in themselves and others. It is a refreshing way of seeing people and seeing themselves that I am still striving to embrace.

Last, I don’t want to minimize the end of the question- how it has changed my view on society. My hip hop instructors and troupe are truly a melting pot. I’ve developed friendships and strong bonds with many of them. It is the first time in my life that if questioned I can honestly say that my group of friends represents a slice of the general population. And yes, I am talking about race. I grew up in a place where there was no opportunity to create that type of network. I had it somewhat in college, but not to this extent. I pride myself on having the highest caliber people close to me. And I do. Right now. So, I’m not sure hip hop has necessarily changed my view on society, but it certainly solidifies my positive view of humanity. And that is a wonderful way to go through life.

Ask QueenB

2010-05-12T07:16:00.000-07:00

Hope you enjoy your second edition of Ask QueenB.

What is your favorite recipe?

Whatever the huz is making . I’m fortunate that I married someone who enjoys cooking. The preparation is relaxing for him. But to keep things even I cook about once a week. I’m not a great cook, but I can follow a recipe, and there are a few that make the regular rotation. Peanut pasta, kung pao chicken, poblano and goat cheese stuffed chicken, mojito chicken, and Cajun pasta are my top 5. I used a new decision maker app on my iPhone to choose which recipe I’d give, so here goes. Unfortunately, this one is from memory so I’ll do my best with amounts. You’re probably just going to have to decide how spicy and saucy you want it and go from there.

Cajun Pasta

Thin spaghetti

Olive oil

Scallions – 1 bunch

Emerils Essence – 1 tablespoon

Red pepper and chili powder – I like a lot, but I like it spicy

Evaporated milk – 1 can

Worcestershire sauce – 2 tablespoons

Tabasco – 1 teaspoon

Grated parmesan – ¼ cup and some for topping

In a skillet sauté the scallions in olive oil with the essence and red pepper and chili powder for about 3 minutes. Add the evaporated milk and simmer for about 5 minutes (if you want more sauce like we do then add a bit of milk). Add the Worcestershire sauce and Tabasco and ¼ cup parm. This will thicken the sauce. Salt and pepper to taste.

As you are making the sauce, boil the thin spaghetti so they finish at the same time. Combine the sauce a pasta and serve with parmesan for topping.

Tonight happens to be my one night of the week to cook, and we're having this. I am looking forward to it!

What is your favorite hike in Boulder?

Hands down it’s Royal Arch. I’ve probably done Sanitas more times than any other, it’s about an hour round trip and that is convenient. But Royal Arch has all the elements of a perfect hike. It’s beautiful the entire hike, it’s difficult, the view at the top is a perfect picture of Boulder and Denver, and can complete your cardio and strength training all in one workout. It’s a great 75-90 minute hike (more like 2 hours for lower altitude visitors). So a start at 10am means you can head down to Pearl Street for lunch right after. And trust me, you have earned that beer.

My company says we can wear jeans on Friday. Is it okay to wear a t-shirt and sneakers?

I would say this depends on either your role in the company or the role you want to have in the company. So for most people, no.

However, I wear jeans on Friday, but I always dress it up. For the ladies, it’s best to start with the rule of 3- have 3 main pieces of clothing. For example jeans + shirt + jacket or jeans + sweater + pashmina or jeans + shirt + vest. You can even make a big belt or oversized necklace the third piece. For the guys, you can stick with 2. You want to make sure the jeans are darker wash and your shirt is not something you could wear to the gym. As for sneakers, it truly dresses down an outfit. If they are a trendy Converse or Van type shoe then maybe. But it’s always better to be overdressed than underdressed.

I wondered when I would get to use this, and here goes: Dress for the job you want, not the job you have. Look around you and whatever the senior executives are wearing on casual Friday is what you should wear too...

...QueenB Says

The Cheerleader Attitude

2010-05-10T07:19:00.000-07:00

I am dedicating this post to all cheerleaders and those that hated us.

I was recently speaking with a good friend of mine about confidence. And in trying to explain how I approached it, I realized it was something I learned in my years as a cheerleader.

I know I exude confidence. As much as I’d like to write this post about how I have that much. Well… I don’t. I second guess myself all the time. In my day to day interactions with people I’ll go home and wish I’d said something differently or better. I certainly am lacking in 100% confidence in my appearance or I wouldn’t have lost 14 pounds. And in my “life plan”, well, if I followed what I would have written for myself 10 years ago I’m not sure I’d be happy now, so how can I know if the plan I write for myself now will make me happy in 10 or 20 years. But, all that said- I am happy, I enjoy my life, I love my family and friends, I look good, my job is fantastic, and that is what I focus on.

So how does the “cheerleader attitude” come into play? A cheerleader’s job is to pay attention to the game, be positive no matter what is going on, to have a planned response for whatever just happened, to be willing to jump and yell in enthusiasm, and to encourage others to be positive… and do all of this while standing in front of a lot of people in a very short skirt. Yes, people are watching you. Yes, people are judging you. Yes, people make fun of you. But your focus has to be about what you are watching and doing. And about everyone else watching you and judging you, you just have to say “So what?”. That is how you are even able to stand out there, is to make sure you are doing your job and develop an indifference to the haters.

That’s what I do. I try to focus on the things I should- my family, my job, my passions, my friends. I try to keep the good things around and address the negative things. I plan for what I want. I am becoming more and more willing to show strong emotion, both laughter and tears. And I try to encourage the people around me. And I know people are watching- those that I care about are cheering ME on and those that are judging me.. so what? I’m still TRYING. And I’m doing pretty damn good. It’s all about the attitude...

...QueenB Says

The Art of Small Talk

2010-05-08T05:40:00.000-07:00

Everyone has to make small talk at one time or another. If you tell me that you don't have to, then I have a newsflash for you. You are that person that everyone calls weird/anti-social/psychopathic. Okay?

I am the first to admit, small talk can be painfully boring. Where I have lived (Oklahoma, Texas, Colorado), the number one topic of small talk is weather. You can almost guarantee that it will come up. It's b.o.r.i.n.g. But... I've learned to talk about it and do it well. Why? Because that is what people feel comfortable talking about, that is what everyone has in common, and that is what people find interesting. Making people comfortable, being relatable, and being enjoyable is kind of the point of social interaction.

You find many situations where small talk is necessary. From the informal chit chat with the cashier to the lively banter at a business function. You will use it with people you don't know at all and with people you know intimately.

Several years ago, one of my favorite people in the world gave me the best advice on how to make small talk. Matt, if you have met him, is the master at this. He can talk to anyone. And everyone he talks to walks away happy and as if they have just made a lifelong friend. He knows how to achieve all of the objectives of social interaction - making people comfortable, being relatable, and being enjoyable - every time.

When the huz and I moved to Colorado, we lived with Matt for a few months while we looked for a place. At this time we all 3 worked at the same company. We were headed out to a happy hour with other co-workers, when he shared his tip. Now, while the 3 of us were very close, the people we were meeting were not necessarily in our immediate circle, so our main topics of conversation (usually the people not in our circle) were off limits. (Note: partly kidding on that). On the drive, Matt said, "Okay, everyone think of 3 things we can talk about".

A huge lightbulb went off! This was all about preparation! I can do THAT!

So, we all came up with ideas. They were things like: a recent vacation, a merger in the industry, a new restaurant in town, our recent move, a TV show that we liked, and... the weather.

It was brilliant! There was never a lull in the conversation. They were topics that people had opinions on. And we didn't need to use all of them. I've found that EVERY TIME I've used this technique. Once people are comfortable, relating with each other, and interested- the conversation moves itself.

I wouldn't be QueenB if I didn't have my own addition to the art of small talk. So, I also suggest that you take a minute on the way to an event and do the following: figure out who will be there and make sure you know their names, if they have spouses coming try to figure out their names as well, and last, try to remember something recent they might want to talk about. Some examples are- they got a new dog, they went on a trip, they got a new job, their kid was in a play.

Using this technique will make your life easier and make people like you. Unless you are just naturally weird/anti-social/psychopathic...

...QueenB Says

Trivial Observations in My Professional World... Continued

2010-05-06T09:56:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I posted some observations on attire in my recent travels for work. Today I am going to cover a few observations on behavior.

When you ask a question, make sure it is relevant, intelligent, and well thought out. When you pose a question as a way to give pre-question commentary to show how smart you are, you look like a buffoon. It's even worse if you have a hairy neck.
Quit walking around like you are in a hurry. You may think it looks like you are focused or busy or important, but you really look scattered, unorganized, and panicked. None of which are good for your professional image.
Ladies- don't dress like you are going to a nightclub. At each of the 2 events I went to, there was one lady... well, um, female, because neither would be categorized as ladies...who showed cleavage and wore inappropriate stiletto shoes (one wore knee-high boots over pants and one wore strappy sandals). If you are that lady I have some news for you. Women don't like you and that is a huge hurdle to overcome. Men don't respect you and that is a huge hurdle to overcome. You also look like you are desperate for attention, have low self esteem, and don't understand boundaries. That crashing noise is the sound of your earning potential and promotability.
"At the end of the day" is overused. Quit saying it. Find another way to summarize your points. Or just try stating the summary without a "I am summarizing for you what I couldn't get clear in my other communications to you" statement.

Any other observations you have had? I would love to hear them!

Check back this weekend for my next post on the best advice I ever got on how to effortlessly make small talk...

...QueenB Says

Trivial Observations in My Professional World

2010-05-05T12:37:00.000-07:00

I've been travelling the past two weeks to conferences. In these travels, I have observed some behavior and attire that I want to address.

Let's start with attire.

Ladies- if you are wearing a jacket it looks exponentially better if you button it. In the multiple presentations and sessions I sat in on, this was unanimous. For the record, I don't always button. But I will now.
Men- you have got to deal with your neck hair. It's gross if you have a pet on the back of your neck. It also looks lazy, unkempt, and messy. I don't know the best way to take care of it, short of getting a hair cut weekly, so I'll take suggestions. But I do know that you need to deal with it. Badly.
Ladies- a wrap dress seems to look good on everyone. No matter your height or size. If you have "girls" that make it seem like a look you can't carry, then put a cami or tank underneath. It truly is a flattering silhouette.
Men- the striped shirt and striped tie bothers me. I think you need to mix another pattern in a similar color scheme. Or stick to a solid for either the shirt or tie.
Ladies- knit shirts don't work if you have extra padding you are trying to hide. It just accentuates it. You have to stick with something more structured or layer a jacket or cardigan on top.
Ladies- short bangs don't really work on most people. "Trends" are tough to pull off if you don't have the rest of the look too. And the short bang just makes it look like you did it yourself. I have one friend who can pull off the short bang. Emma-nation. She's the only exception in my book. Okay?
Check your nose. Often.

Last, I sat in on 2 presentations with brilliant, inspirational, beautiful women. They are my idols. Both are doing amazing and cutting edge work in my field and are well respected. Also, they both wore black pants, black shoes, and a fitted suit jacket in another color (white for Julie Parish and red for Sandy Carter). I will be adopting that look into my repertoire. It is classy, elegant, and demands respect. To top it off, they are both blondes. See, we will take over the world!

Check back tomorrow for my post on behavior...

...QueenB Says

WHY to Dress Well

2010-05-01T16:27:00.000-07:00

I posted last week on one way of HOW to dress well, but I wanted to address my thoughts on WHY you should dress well. I could go on and on about this, so I narrowed it down to 3 reasons that I think are most important.

People think better of you.

We are judgmental. That is just the way it is and fighting it, however noble, is not going to get you further in life. Getting further in life will get you further in life. And you do that by working harder than others, going faster than others, or just being better than others…AND why wouldn’t you also do what you can to START AHEAD OF OTHERS. When you look put together, people automatically think you are. And that means you don’t have as much to prove.

You get better service.

I would NEVER go shopping at a boutique or upscale department store unless I was dressed well. Why? Because they treat you how you dictate when you look like you should be there. If you need help, they help you. If you just want to browse, they let you. If you show interest in an item, they give you other options. This holds true in many other situations. Restaurants. Spas. Sporting events. Bars. Doctors offices. You name it.

It makes you feel better.

Clothes effect your mood, or they should. I have a fabulous hot pink shirt dress. Think Mrs. Cleaver meets Marilyn Monroe. When I put that on with my nude, peep-toe heels I am like a super hero. I swear. It makes me feel powerful and fun and pretty and frankly, like I look better than everyone else. It’s magical! Not every day can be a super hero day, but there IS something to the idea of dressing the part. If I have an important meeting, I dress in a suit or something more than business casual. It gives me a feeling of strength that I wouldn’t have in a wrap dress. On the other hand, I have the best red sweat pants that I got at Streetside. I wear those with a black fitted tank and my Ugg house shoes and I am instantly ready for a rainy, cozy, movie day. I’m not saying treat your clothing like costume wear, but let it help you set the tone for where you are, what you are doing, and most importantly… WHAT YOU WANT.

It’s All About How Much You Eat

2010-04-29T10:57:00.000-07:00

No one has ever told me I need to lose weight. I work out a lot and I tend to carry it well, so the scale just creeped up and up over the years and I didn’t do a lot about it. I didn’t really have any epiphany that I wanted to drop poundage, but instead made a few tweaks to my diet, saw some results and decided to keep going. I’m going to be totally 100% open about this… so here goes.

Last June I weighed 141 pounds. I’d probably weighed this for 5 years, so it wasn’t, like, a jolt into action or anything when I got on the scale one day. I’m 5’4, so this was heavier than I wanted to be, but I was still in a size 6 or 8 so it didn’t bother me too much. At this time, I had just run a half marathon, was training for another, was involved in a 3 day a week bootcamp, took 2-3 hip hop classes a week, and lifted 2-3 times a week. I mentioned to my bootcamp instructor, who is also a nutritionist, that the scale never moves, so she offered to take a look at my diet and make some suggestions. I wrote down EVERYTHING I ate or drank for 2 weeks and took it to her.

Pre nutritionist I would typically have an energy bar before I worked out in the morning, yogurt once I got in the office, salad or sandwich or wrap for lunch, a cottage cheese or cheese & crackers for a snack, a glass or 2 of wine, and dinner. The huz and I cook almost every night. He is a creature of habit and so am I, so we usually had pasta, tacos, Chinese, burgers, and pasta again throughout the week. A few times a week was a Mexican food splurge and a chai. Probably averaged about 2500 calories a day for me. I burned probably 500-800 everyday working out, so it was okay.

Nutritionist suggested just a few things.

Cut out dairy. Because I carried some weight in my mid-section she thought I might be lactose intolerant.
Quit the energy bars. She said it was like eating a candy bar every morning.
Replace my morning food with fruit. As much as I wanted.
Try to center my lunches around a vegetable, i.e. salad.
Make my afternoon snack veggies and hummus or salsa.
Only drink alcohol on the weekends.
Dinners were already a nice variety, so that was okay the way it was, just make sure my total calorie count stayed under 2000.
Note: To estimate what calorie count foods contain, just google whatever you are eating and there are lots of websites that will show you. If you are eating out, many restaurants will post on their websites.

So, I figured out my caloric intake need, just one of those calculators you find online, and decided to try 1800. I planned my fruit and snacks and lunch at the beginning of the week. And I continued to WRITE IT ALL DOWN. That is the most important part. Why? You realize how many calories things have and you start to bargain and trade off with yourself. Like this, “200 calories for a skinny chai? That’s like a snack and a glass of wine! Skipping the chai.” Or “A breakfast burrito has 250 calories? That means I can’t have sweet potato fries with my chicken wrap for lunch. No thank you.” And you’ll find things like “A salad at this restaurant has more calories than the cheeseburger? Medium with cheddar please.”

After a few months of this, I was losing weight and my clothes were loose. And I loved it. So I decided to set a goal weight and keep going.

I am not a doctor and this is not scientific, it’s just how I went about it. For the most part I had a healthy balance of food that was fruit and vegetable based. But some days you may find that you eat 2200 because you went to a birthday party and had wine, cheese, and cake. So cut it down a few hundred for a few days after that. If you have a really hard workout (like a 10 mile run when training) give yourself permission to increase the number. If you know you are going to your favorite Mexican restaurant for lunch and you HAVE to have a chimichanga and a margarita, make that your only meal for the day. If I am on vacation and I don’t write it down, whatev, it’s not like you gain 10 pounds over the course of 3 days. Don’t make it stressful or too restrictive, just let it balance itself out over the week where you are happy, healthy, and within your number.

I lost 14 pounds over the course of about 7 months. I am now at 127. I’ve been stuck here for about 3 months. I really want to be at 125. So, I’m readjusting my calorie number and increasing my caloric burn and hope to get there by this June. That would put me at my college weight. I am now in a size 4. Which is awesome. I love it and I am proud of it. It wasn’t a lot of work, just a few tweaks and paying attention. And time, it's not going to happen in a month. Okay?

My personal opinion is that it’s not so much about what foods you eat. I eat what I like. So get it out of your head that you have to cut carbs or fat or that you have to add wheat germ or carrot juice or whatever the latest fad diet says. I hate hearing “I eat FILL IN THE BLANK healthy food and don’t lose”…. Well, you ate too much of it. Okay?

It’s not about when you eat. You hear don’t eat after 7pm? That won’t matter if you ate 3000 calories before 7pm. Eat every 2-3 hours? Fine, if it makes you feel better. Just don’t eat 300 calories a pop 8 times a day.

It’s all about how much you eat.

And while you’re at it, work out. 5-6 times a week do something. Right now I average 8-9 hours of physical activity a week. That’s a lot and most people cannot make that happen (I don’t have kids). If you can average 5 you will only speed up your weight loss.

Moral of the story: It’s math. Figure out your number, document what you eat, stay under your number.

I’ll let you know when I get to 125. And if anyone tries this method, I’d love to hear how it goes. I’ll also answer any questions you may have. It’s all out there now, so I have nothing to hide!

...QueenB Says

Ask QueenB

2010-04-27T07:06:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the first edition of “Ask QueenB”. I will try to be honest and helpful and nice… mostly.

Who has the best happy hour in Boulder?
You get 3 answers because I can’t narrow it down and there is a niche for each.

Rio is always going to be one of my favorites. You cannot beat the margaritas… they are so good you have to wash THEM down with a burrito. Also, their queso is the best in town.
Aji has the best food specials in my opinion. You can get ceviche, guacamole, and empanadas for like $3 each. And the mojitos are the best I’ve ever had.
Laudisio has moved up in my book with their new location. They have great small plates that are cheap. Their happy hour wine is hit or miss, but I ask to taste it and if it’s a miss I just order off the wine list. And they have a gorgeous pizza oven and hand tossed pizza dough and you get one for like $5 at happy hour.

Honorable mentions with reasons why they don’t make the top 3:

The Med- wine and food choices are plentiful but too many Cougars hang out here and that attracts idiot dudes.
Boulder Brewery- such a great outdoor patio but they don’t have other beer options. Lame.
Jax- best martinis in town, but it’s too crowded at the bar.

I unfriended someone on Facebook, she asked me why. How do I tell her?

This is tough. But, I’m glad you want to tell her instead of leaving her hanging. I don’t typically unfriend people, but instead hide them from my news feed. But for the readers, there is some back story here. This is a scenario where she has posted antagonistic political comments to you and your friends. Then you warned her. And she didn’t stop. So, you kind of had no choice. And really, she shouldn’t be surprised at your answer if you are honest. So tell her that she crossed a line and if she wishes to engage in civil conversation you are happy to have her as a friend. Then threaten to kick her. I threaten to kick people all the time and it works.

Who do you think killed JFK?

It’s really easy to watch the Kevin Costner version of events and think that is the story. But, I am here to tell you what really happened. Jackie did it to get back at him for Marilyn. Then she married money and laid on a beach for 20 years. Brilliant.

What is the sexy/skanky cutoff for height of high heels?

Answer for the ladies: Depends on what you are wearing with them. With pants, as long as you can walk in them and as long as your pants cover the heel it doesn’t really matter. With a knee length skirt for work, you may want to stop at 3 inches. But I don’t. With a short skirt or shorts I wouldn’t suggest going above 4 inches. But I have. It’s all about knowing how to walk in them.
Answer for the men: Skanks wear clear heels, white heels, and thigh high boots. There are other ways to tell a skank, but this is a question about shoes.

What kind of ego does it take to name yourself QueenB?

A healthy one.

Please post any questions here and I’ll do my best to answer them. Well, I’ll probably only answer the ones I want. But you get the idea…

...QueenB Says

The Point System

2010-04-25T12:07:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty good at math, it is logical and helps you see order. My checkbook is always balanced to the penny. When I cook, everything is finished at exactly the same time. And I lost 15 pounds recently by approaching it like a math equation (I'll blog on that soon). So, it should be no surprise that I approach my clothing choices in the same way.

Now, I buy what I like and this post will talk about some of those individual choices. But the way I put them together is where the math comes in. Again, my mom taught me this (thanks mom!). She saw it in some book or magazine in the 70s and taught it to me in junior high. I've "counted" ever since.

The point of this excercise is to have a well put together look, a balanced outfit. You may have heard the advice, "Always take off one piece before you walk out the door". It's kind of like that (but you may find that you need to put on one piece before you walk out the door). I'll show you how it works with a few of the outfits I wore last week.

2 points - Button down shirt, it gets 2 because it is patterned
1 point - Pencil skirt, solid colored pieces get 1 point
1 point - Black peep toe heels, I don't like chunky heels and usually go with a stiletto.
2 points - Earrings, Jay got me these stunners for my birthday and I'm sorry you can't see them better, but you get 1 point per earring.
1 point - Watch
1 point - Ring, my gorgeous antique wedding ring
1 point - Bracelet
1 point - Glasses
1 point - Painted toe nails, it's called I'm With Brad... bought it because of the name.

Total count: 11 points

Commentary: I usually end up around 10 or 11 points for work and maybe 12 for casual/evening. There is no RIGHT number. It's what you feel comfortable in. But I think 10 is perfect for me, no pun intended. Pencil skirts are a staple in my wardrobe, I have them in several colors. They always look classy, they go with any type of shirt, and they raise the bar on the hot factor.

2 points - Cardigan, you get 2 because it is patterned remember. I LOVE this sweater, it has satin piping on the edges and makes me feel good.
1 point - Tank, some could argue it gets 2 points because of the lace edging, I wouldn't disagree.
1 point - Pencil skirt, yep another one
2 points - Necklace, this is a really bold piece that my friend Debbie made me. It's gorgeous and was the perfect accessory for my v-neck cardigan.
1 point - Bracelets
1 point - Watch
1 point - Ring
2 points - Brown faded to caramel peep-toe shoes, you can sort of see the fading color in the back.

Total count : 11 points

Commentary: I got a lot of compliments this day. I felt great and it showed. That, my friends, is a great reason to dress well. Here's what happens- you look good, you feel better, people notice, they compliment you, you thank them, everyone gets a dose of happiness, you are making the world better. See? Save the world.

2 points - Button down shirt, this shirt is awesome and has amazing button and rope detailing down the front.
1 point - Jeans, dark wash jeans make you look skinnier, boot cut jeans make you look taller, these are NOT mom jeans.
2 points - Brown and gold wedges, these were new and for an almost 5-inch shoe they were comfortable from 7am to 10pm... I swear.
2 points - Earrings, I can't see them and I don't remember what they were but I wouldn't have walked out the door without them in this outfit so 2 points it is.
1 point - Watch
2 points - 2 rings, I added a big topaz ring that was my Grandma Luceil's on my right hand.
1 point - Bracelets
1 point - Pashmina, that's a big scarf.

Total count: 12 points

Commentary: This was a no-meeting day and was my Friday (even though it was Thursday). I almost always wear denim on Friday's because I dress up so much during the week. There is a different feeling when I wear denim that gets me in the mindset to relax a little and go into the weekend on that note. If your clothes don't effect your mood, then you need better clothes.

1 point - White tank
1 point - Jeans, do I need to mention they are supposed to cover your heels? At most, they are an inch off the ground. Too short pants are a huge epidemic.
1 point - Brown blazer, nothing makes you look put together like a blazer. Make sure it's a little fitted. I rolled up the sleeves to give it a more casual look.
2 points - Brown and gold wedges, same ones as the day before.
2 points - Gold hoop earrings
1 point - Necklace, this one is awesome. It's a peacock feather with beads. New fave.
1 point - Cuff bracelet
1 point - Watch
1 point - Ring

Total count : 11 points

Commentary: I wore this outfit traveling back to Oklahoma. It worked great in the airport and took me into hanging out with the niece and nephew, then to dinner with my parents. I could have worn this to work, a party, shopping, really almost anywhere. If you dress with "style" you can make an outfit work for lots of occasions.

WHY to dress well is a totally different post and I will take that on at some point. This is just one way of HOW to do it that has helped me. Things to remember:

A good rule of thumb is to start with 3 pieces. A shirt, skirt/pants, jacket/scarf/cardigan. It is a great base to creating a good ensemble. You'll get a good 3-5 points out of this.
You must add accessories. You'd never give a present without a bow on it or a card with it, right? This is how you pull it all together.
If your clothing is solid colors or fairly plain, add pizzazz with shoes or jewelry. Once you figure out your "number" then you know how MUCH you need to add.
In general, if you are a 6-8 you need to do a little something extra. If you go into the mid-teens, you may want to consider toning it down. With that said, you have to take into account what makes you FEEL comfortable too and if your personality dictates that you need to be more elegant, then 8 it is. If your personality is bubbly and fun and you want to show that, then 15 could work.

The Point System does use the left and right sides of your brain. Good, it will make you smarter. And looking good is just the bonus. Would love to hear your thoughts and hear what your number is (not THAT number though, okay?).

Good luck...

... QueenB Says

Things An 8 Year Old Can Teach You

2010-04-21T13:33:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, I had to have a difficult conversation and I was struggling with what to say. So in a moment of pure genius (I realized later), I asked my 8 year old nephew how he would deal with the issue. He had surprisingly very good advice. I asked him to role play the scenario with me, where he was me and I was the person I needed to confront. He was honest, straightforward, and compassionate. I used his advice.

When I was visiting last weekend, I decided to interview him to see what other pearls of wisdom he would give. He was brilliant.

I hope you enjoy this post on “Things an 8 year old can teach you”.

Loyalty

Me: Carson, what is your favorite color?
Carson: Red and Blue.
Me: Why?
Carson: Red because of OU and Blue because of Newcastle

Common sense

Me: What are your favorite sports?
Carson: Football, baseball, and basketball.
Me: Why are the balls all shaped the way they are?
Carson: Well, it would be hard to hit a football with a bat and you can’t dribble a baseball or football.

Discretion

Me: Have you ever kissed a girl?
Carson: Uh… no.
Me: Have you ever wanted to kiss a girl?
Carson: Why are you asking that?!? Uh… no, not… no… not yet.

Priorities

Me: What super power would you choose?
Carson: BIG Brains

Frugality

Me: If I gave you $1000, what would you do with it?
Carson: Save it until I get to $1 million.

Optimism

Carson: Aunt B, I’ve never been tagged out in baseball.
Me: How many of the other’s have? None.

Humor

Carson: Aunt B, what do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Me: I don’t know.
Carson: Nacho cheese.

See? Brilliant...

...QueenB Says

The Art of Saying No

2010-04-20T12:22:00.000-07:00

Saying no makes us nervous and uncomfortable. Some people do things they would rather not do or play the "avoid the person" game far too often, when just saying no would be easier, save time, and be nicer.

Reasons to say no:

You should do things you WANT to do.
You should do things you HAVE TIME to do.
You should do things with PEOPLE you enjoy being around.
You should only GO PLACES you want to go.
And most importantly, you should only do things you feel COMFORTABLE doing.

I was lucky enough to get this advice a very long time ago from my wonderful, classy, sweet mother and now I am going to share it with you.

The advice was originally passed on as a way to say no to a guy who approached you in some way and you didn't want to take him up on the offer. However formally or informally they ask... it works. It goes like this:
     "Would you like to go get coffee/dinner?"
     "Can I get your number?"
     "Can I buy you a drink?"

You say:
     "I am so flattered that you would ask! I'm so sorry I can't take you up on it right now."

Here's how I break it down:
     "I am so flattered that you would ask!" - This is your complimentary statement. And honestly, you SHOULD be flattered. They think you are wonderful enough in some way to ask. It takes a lot to get up the guts to even ASK and you should be respectful of it.

     "I'm so sorry I can't take you up on it..." - This is your NO.

     "...right now." - This is where you leave them with their ego intact. Even if you never intend to take them up on it, SAY THIS. It's polite and lets them walk away without embarrassment.

This 3 part response works in a lot of social scenarios.
     "I'd like to invite you to a party I'm having."
     "That sounds like so much fun! We're going to be out of town, but have a wonderful party and I hope to join you next time."

     "We're all going out after work, are you coming?"
     "Thanks for letting me know! I can't make it today, but have a marg for me!"

     "Would you be able to put together this presentation for me?"
     "I can share with you a few I've had in the past, but I'm not going to be able to fit in a complete rewrite for you by next week. This will get you started though."

Don't spend any more time doing things you don't want to do or don't have time to do. Don't string someone along. Don't burn a bridge by being rude. Don't waste your energy avoiding or ignoring someone. Just say your no early and directly. I promise it works.

I've used this 3 part response a lot in my 33 years and I know it will continue to come in handy. This is my formal and public THANK YOU to my mom for giving me this tool and making my life a lot easier...

...QueenB Says

Cool...

2010-04-17T07:51:00.000-07:00

I am lucky enough to be back home for my Grandpa's 80th birthday. He has lived a full life and has many stories to tell, and I know I've only heard a small portion of them. He's willing to sit and talk longer and I try to ask more questions. I hope I hear a few more good ones today!

He is a man's man.
He is tall and proud.
He says more with a raise of the eyebrown than most people say in many words.
As my dad said this morning, "Through this whole birthday extravaganza, as we have sent pictures and everyone has talked, I keep hearing the same word --- cool."
He is cool...

...QueenB Says

T & A

2010-04-14T08:42:00.000-07:00

I love clothes. Truly, getting dressed in the morning is fun for me. I pride myself on knowing what works for me and putting the total package together. But before you put on your clothes, you put on your under garments. And is it equally important to get that right.

With this topic I think it will be easier to point you in the right direction by giving you some no-no's.

Let's start with the "girls". There are 2 of them, and by them I mean boobs. Refrain from either the "uniboob" or "quadraboob".

Uniboob. Uniboob occurs when your bra creates the illusion that your boobs are shaped like a watermelon across your chest. Most commonly caused by a sports bra or shelf tank. You are allowed uniboob when working out... that is it.

Quadraboob. Quadraboob occurs when your bra is too small and there is an indentation between the top half of your boob and the bottom half, which creates “4 boobs”. Quit lying to yourself about your size and get a bigger bra.

Nude does not mean invisible. Don’t let your bra show. Ever. They make backless bras if you buy a shirt like this. This is horrendous!

Bra straps. Don’t let your bra strap show. Ever. You can buy a cool little clasp that hooks your straps together in the back to keep them in. Or you can wear a strapless bra. In a pinch, I’ve even used a paperclip to hook them together in the back. Nothing screams WT louder than your strap hanging out!

Back rolls. This unsightly buldge occurs when your bra is too tight around your back and your back bacon spills over the top. Just get a bigger bra. Please.

Tips:

1. Your boobs should hit halfway between your elbows and your shoulders (thank you Clinton Kelly). I will give you a minute to go look in the mirror... okay.

2. Go get a fitting from someone proper. The nice lady at Nordstrom’s always knows what she is doing. She’ll even let you cry in the dressing room when you find out you are relegated to ugly bras because you are a DD.

3. Get a strapless bra if you need it. Get a nude bra to wear under light colors.

Now the butt. I have fewer complaints about this, but want to address a few big no-no's.

VPL. VPL's are the devil. This stands for Visible Panty Line. Figure it out. Either get bigger pants, wear spanks, get a thong, I don’t care. Just figure it out.

Unibutt. The unibutt is a fast growing epidemic in the older generations. This is where your butt looks like you have one butt cheek instead of two. I have Spanks, this is different. I honestly don’t know what is the cause and I hope I never have to find out. It is like diaper-panties or something! If there is a medical reason you need to have this type of undergarment, then you need to stick to a-line skirts.

Camletoe. Again, mostly a problem when you are wearing workout clothing. The camletoe can best be described and cured by visiting this site. My friend Shannon, started Camleflage just for this issue. Go fix it. Since there is now a solution, this time you don't get a hall pass when working out.

If you try to argue with me on why you can commit one of these fashion sins, you will lose. This public service announcement brought to you by QueenB. You're welcome...

...QueenB Says

Five

2010-04-12T10:55:00.000-07:00

Five. That is the number of zits I have on my chin right now.

I am 33 and put together and CLEAN. I use expensive soap on my face twice a day. One of those times is with a face brush. I exfoliate at least twice a week. I do a cleansing mask at least once. I moisturize excessively. I have one kind for my face, two for my eyes, and another for my lips. My eye routine consists of a smoothing cream for morning before makeup and another for night for my dark circles. I do this entire process twice a day. And this is just for my FACE. So, why am I breaking out like a 15 year old!?! It’s even making me act a little bratty!

So, here’s what I am going to do.

1. Pull my concealer out of my purse and paint it on before I walk out of the office.

2. Spend my lunch break in a pedicure chair. (I’m getting an American polish if anyone is curious).

3. Work from home this afternoon so I can wash my face, put on my Peter Thomas Roth cream, and use my tube of Neosporin relentlessly.

No one look at me! Just send Proactiv...

...QueenB