QueenB Says...

Suit Shopping

2011-04-05T16:09:00.000-07:00

This year I decided to do a suit refresh. Women's suits tend to have a shorter fashion life span than men's, mostly because they have trendier details (remember shoulder pads from the 80's, long jackets from the 90's, and now the trend of short jackets?). Not only did most of my existing suits not fit well, many of them looked so early-2000s.

Here are my tips:

Buy one size up and take it to a tailor to have it fitted to YOUR body.
Find the discounts. I've bought 4 suits this year. 3 on a website called Rue La La. They have boutiques with high end clothing that you get at a drastic discount. My last purchase was an Anne Klein $400 suit for $120. I spent $75 at the tailor getting it taken in and it looks like a $600 suit. I like Beyond the Rack online as well. And Nordstrom Rack can have a good deal if you are willing to dig.
Stick with solids and pinstripes in neutral colors. Black, grey, navy, brown, tan, etc. Then add your color with the shirt underneath or shoes.
No matter what your size, a pencil skirt looks great. I promise. You may just need to get it tailored to the right fit and length.
Lately I've noticed, there are a lot of suit jackets that button high enough you don't need a shirt underneath. I got one and wore a colorful scarf in an ascot-type fashion. Adding a broach or scarf or big necklace is a must.
Change the buttons. I'm about to go on an antique and vintage store shopping spree to find fabulous buttons to swap out on my clothing. Cool, huh?
Throw away the cheap belts that come with them. Either cut off the belt loops (or have the tailor do it) or get a proper belt.
Wear proper dress shoes. I hate seeing a woman in a suit with Frankenstein boots or rubber soled shoes. If you must wear flats, don't get the kind that look like men's shoes with a 1-inch heel. Make sure they are feminine or have some sort of detail.

My last tip has to do with attitude. Don't be scared to wear a suit. Be appropriate, of course, don't wear one to a networking function where most people will be casual or business casual. But an important meeting on a Tuesday? Feel free to put one on! It will be like your super hero costume...

...QueenB Says

Here's $20

2011-03-22T07:28:00.000-07:00

On a recent trip, my friend Fifi and I were having one of those late lunches sitting at a bar with a cute bartender anticipating our every need where you have less than an hour to catch up on the past 2 years and you spend the entire time talking so fast and bouncing around from topic to topic in a way where you both are so on and orchestrated that it almost feels like you have memorized and rehearsed a script and are just playing it out for the final cut. You know those?

Now, I think you can call yourself brilliant once a month and that still keeps you in the confident, not conceited category. Well, Fifi was brilliant.

We were talking about people that need advice. The kind no one will give them. And she posed the idea of how philanthropic it would be to actually give them that advice, and to soften the blow you give them $20. It's like charity! "Here's $20. You drink too much." "Here's $20. Everyone around you isn't stupid/lazy/unreasonable. You are." "Here's $20. You are lucky to have her and you will never get anyone better. Marry her." At the time, this sounded much more brilliant.

Well, not a week later, I'm having dinner with 2 of my best girlfriends. And we decide that we are some of the most together and brilliant people we know. And wondered aloud if people would actually pay us to help them become awesome too. See why they are some of my best girlfriends?

I get that at this point I'm paying the $20 and I'm pondering getting people to pay me, so I'm back at ZERO. But humor me. In less than a week, 3 brilliant girlfriends and I had conversations about how we can save the world one person at a time by just speaking the truth. Obviously this is a need.

What am I going to do about it? I don't know yet. But stay tuned...

...QueenB Says

Working It Out

2011-03-14T18:13:00.000-07:00

As I posted last week, I've been sick. Two weeks of recuperating from a cold and bronchitis meant no working out. I was pretty good at not beating myself up because of it. So, let's call that a success in treating myself well and having perspective, don't you think?

Well, it did give me a chance to pay attention to how I feel when I work out and how different I feel when I don't work out. Here's what I noticed:

I sleep remarkably better when I work out.
I need more sleep. Shockingly, about 2.5 hours more.
I worry much less about what I eat when I work out. Duh, right? But I crave about 500-800 calories more and I still don't worry.
I do not have any aches or pains when I work out. Whether I'm sitting in my chair at work, the couch at night, or in my bed, I get no back pain or hip pain or that weird foot cramp I kept getting when I didn't work out.
My mornings feel more rushed when I don't work out, which seems odd since I do it in the morning. Must be the planning that goes into it or the endorphins.
My days, even though they have been equally as busy and planned, feel much less overwhelming when I work out.

I can hear the cynical ones now: this is comparing your sick self to your well self. Could be. My question is: what if all of the above, all of the things that make me physically and mentally better, are because of working out? What if they are the cause? I'd bet they are. At least a high percentage of of the cause. But I figure I enjoy my daily routine of aerobic and anaerobic exercise so much, it doesn't matter why I feel better. I just do.

And the side effects are not the heinous things you hear recited at the end of pharmaceutical commercials. They are things like, weight maintenance, muscle tone, better lung capacity, cholesterol control, heart health. Look good and feel good? I'll take it...

...QueenB Says

Taste of My Own Medicine

2011-03-08T08:01:00.000-08:00

I have blogged about balance and priorities and health and taking good care of yourself incessantly. I guess I need to take my own advice.

I got a cold last Sunday, the kind where you are achy and have a fever and basically feel miserable. I worked sick every day, I came home sick every day, and I sleeping sick was the worst! After 6 days of this, I went back to the doctor and was diagnosed with bronchitis. That I got because I didn’t take care of my cold. I spent the weekend as a ghost of myself. I set up the guest room as my sick room and only came out a few hours here or there to basically sit quietly on the couch.

I am finally on the road to recovery and almost back to 100%. Which means I’ve started analyzing and criticizing myself… Why didn’t you take a sick day? One day off might mean that you would have been well 5 days earlier! Is anything more important than your health? Are you not a priority? Is it fair that you gave everything you had every day to work and came home to be a silent, unengaged wife? You haven’t worked out in over a week!

I know, I know, I am trying to be kind to myself, and it’s getting easier the better I feel. But, dammit, I know better! Next time I will take my own advice…

…QueenB Says

Lucky?

2011-03-01T12:39:00.000-08:00

I am on the board of directors for the professional women's group at my company. We do things like bring in personal and professional development speakers and encourage and provide the opportunity for networking. It's a rewarding part of my corporate life that has allowed me to develop myself in many new ways and develop some strong friendships, that I know will be lifelong. I am lucky.

Or am I?

In this role, I get the opportunity to speak with and work with many amazing and accomplished women. I was on the phone with one who advises our group and others like ours. In the course of conversation she asked how things were going at my company overall. I answered energetically that things were going very well, we were exceeding numbers, the company was growing, our management team is bringing in new perks every day, and I was having the most fun... and I feel so lucky.

She said, "Betsy, can I offer you some coaching right now?". Of course, I responded affirmatively. Then she said some of the best advice I've received of late.

"You are not lucky. You made it happen. You are there because of what you do. Quit giving away the credit."

Wow.

That is so right on. Lucky insinuates that I have nothing to do with it, and that is far from the truth. I show up most days with my game face on, ready to play, and I work hard. I continue to put effort into developing my knowledge and skill set and I learn from my mistakes.

Once it was pointed out to me, I realized how much I say that I am lucky. I say it all the time, about all kinds of things. But in reality, I'm grateful. Time to stop giving away the credit to some twist of fate fairie or magic genie.

As much as I try, I still catch myself saying it. So if you hear me give the credit to my wish on a falling star, remind me that I'm grateful, not lucky...

...QueenB Says

Kick It Into Gear

2011-02-22T09:31:00.000-08:00

It's about that time! The time when the gym finally clears out a bit because the resolutioners have given up. While I'm glad to have my treadmill back, I want all of YOU to keep moving.

So, I thought I'd share a few of my favorite 30 minute workouts.

Elliptical
Here is a great interval workout I love on the elliptical.
Minute 1 - Level 4
Minute 2 - Level 5
Minute 3 - Level 6
Minute 4 - Level 7
Minute 5 - Level 8
Starting at the 5 minute mark spend 30 seconds going as fast as you can go, back to regular pace for 90 seconds, repeat at every odd minute, 7, 9, and so on.
Stop at 25 minutes total.
You'll end up doing a total of 5 minutes at a very high intensity pace.
Tip - When you are sprinting, hold your core very tight. It will keep you stable and give you a great ab workout.
End your cardio with some ab work for 5 minutes.

Weights
This workout should take you about 30 minutes. Figure out what weight works for you, I'm just posting what I use.
Bench press with bar - 3 sets of 10 - 45 lb (that is what a typical bar with no weights weighs)
Bent over row with dumbbells - 3 sets of 10 - 30 lb
Overhead press with dumbbells - 3 sets of 10 - 30 lb
Bicep curl with dumbbells - 3 sets of 10 - 30 lb
Tricep extension with dumbbell - 3 sets of 10 each arm - 10 lb
Squat with dumbbells - 2 sets of 15 - 40 lb
Walking or stationary lunges - 30 each leg - 40 lb
Dead lift with dumbbells - 2 sets of 15 - 40 lb
Lower ab lift (lie on a flat surface and raise both legs while keeping them straight) - 30
Ball crunches (using one of the big exercise balls) - 30
Here's the kicker: do 25 jumping jacks between each exercise.

Run
Get your music and start running.
At the start of every song stop and do one of the following:
30 squats
30 walking lunges
30 push ups on a bench if you can find one
30 tricep dips on a bench
I usually go through this list twice.
With a warm up song and 8 other songs you will get about 30 minutes of exercise.

Pick one. Do it. Let me know what you think...

...QueenB Says

Fearless

2011-02-15T07:53:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I’m awkward. Especially in larger groups or when I don’t really know anyone else or when I come into an established conversations.

Sometimes I don’t fit in. I worry that I look wrong or I will say the wrong thing or that I don’t understand the group dynamic and might “mess up”.

If I’m quiet, it’s usually one of these two things. And I’m very aware of when I’m in one of these timid states and I struggle to get out of it.

I was especially going through one of these phases right before the holidays. For the first time ever, I did not go home for Christmas. Instead we had my husband’s family here. I was asking a lot of questions about traditions and what I should do and shouldn’t do, what dynamics I should be aware of, trying to learn what I could about people I don’t spend a lot of time with, and planning and making lists and preparing the house the right way (you hear the crazy, right?). I don’t think my husband or his family know this (so if you’re reading... hi! You are NOT scary!). And I think I did a good job hiding my timidity. Proof?

My brother-in-law got me this gorgeous print. He said he thought it was perfect for me. How awesome is that?

In actuality, I had nothing to fear. It took about an hour or so for me to realize that this was going to be easy. Conversations flowed, laughter was continuous, and fun was had by all.

It brings to mind some great advice I got about 10 years ago, from an amazing woman who is a mentor and friend. I was in a new sales position and was rightly nervous about my skills and ability, and my lack of confidence showed. She told me to “fake it til you make it”. I did. And she was right. No one even noticed.

And the picture is hanging in my office for me to see everyday…

...QueenB Says

Motivation...

2011-02-13T08:14:00.000-08:00

On a lazy Sunday morning, drinking coffee, sitting in my reading space, keeping a close eye on the little Casper, I decided to catch up on all my blogs. The ones I read for work or fitness or fashion keep me informed, but my favorites are the dozen or so I read from my friends and family. Well, turns out I'm not the only one who has neglected their blog in the past month. So now I don't feel so bad for an almost 6 week hiatus!

I am not going to make excuses or beat myself up about it, that is wasted energy. I'm just going let it be what it is... and hopefully was, as I truly hope to get back on the regular schedule. In 2010, blogging was one of the most fulfilling things I did. It made me think about many things more intensely, it made me organize my thoughts logically - which either strengthened my view or potentially changed it, and it gave me a fun, creative outlet. I'm planning to keep it a priority for those reasons.

To catch you up on what has been taking up all the time in QueenB's world, here's the quick summary:

Little Casper ended up having double ACL surgery. She's doing great and we're doing great, it's just a lot of work right now. She's been very sweet and hasn't complained at all about pain or being cooped up, so we are very lucky. Can it last for the 12 week recovery? We'll see.
Things at my workplace are hopping! We are busy, successful, and I'm thoroughly enjoying all of the fun projects that I'm involved in. I've come to realize how lucky I am. I get to drive an easy, gorgeous 12 miles to work, be around some of the smartest and most talented people I've ever worked with, report to a management team that cares about me and my team and that we have a good work-life balance, and I have a lot of flexibility in managing what to do and how I want to work. And I'm going to be in magazine for it later this month, more to come on that.
I got Netflix. I've not watched this many movies in years. And I'm not talking about chick flicks or action films, I've actually been watching some classics and foreign films, and "critically acclaimed cerebral documentaries" has been my top category. This has been inspiring, educational, and emotionally rewarding... I love it.

I'm determined to get settled into a good routine in 2011 that includes all of the things I love. Paying attention to QueenB Says is high on the list. So, I'll talk to you again soon...

...QueenB Says

My New Year's Resolution

2010-12-31T07:02:00.000-08:00

Laugh.

Play.

Indulge.

My new year’s resolution is to do more of this. Every day.

I witnessed this way of living early on, from a beautiful, confident, independent woman, my Grandma Janet. Growing up in the same town meant my sister and I were lucky enough to get to spend lots of time with her from a very young age. The stories I hear about her from my dad and aunt and grandpa are truly entertaining and I certainly gathered some of my own.

Laugh. Everything I remember doing with her involved laughter. From watching Hee-Haw and thinking it was the funniest thing we’d ever seen, to performing our own concerts in the car to Ray Charles, to getting to make a fun mess painting ceramics, everyday was about doing something fun. New Years Eve will always belong to Grandma Janet in my mind. That is my parent’s wedding anniversary, so we spent that night with her until we were in our early teens. Every year was a party! Every year we pulled out all of her pots and pans to bang at midnight. Every year we watched New Year’s Rockin’ Eve with Dick Clark and sang and danced. And every year we never made it to midnight to bang those pots and pans. But that was okay, she let us do it the next morning. Every year!

Play. Our game of choice at Grandma’s was “dress up”. She had a closet full of clothes and shoes and accessories that were ours to create whatever look we wanted. She had a jewelry box that was pretty much free reign and we got to 18 or 20’s on a regular basis (see "The Point System" to understand this reference). She had one of those mirror trays that held all of her perfume and we invented our own scents. But, the make-up drawer was the best. Filled with eye shadows, blush, mascara, dozens of lipsticks, nail polishes. Well, let’s just say we were always “dolled up” at Grandma Janet’s. We created our own looks and did shows and pretended to be characters for years. It was a creative version of play that I still enjoy to this day! The best part was that she treated it as just a normal thing. We’d get all dressed up and then she’d take us to Sonic or the drugstore or the grocery store and I’ll tell you, that is where I learned to just OWN it. I’m not sure if we didn’t think it was odd because Grandma didn’t or if we knew we were in on some sort of joke, but it was only in the past few years that we told my mom that her daughters were carted all around town in dresses, high heels, more makeup than a pageant queen, and smelling like a perfume factory. That was kind of fun in itself!

Indulge. It was always about a treat at Grandma’s. We got to have those things we didn’t get often at home. Sonic, ice cream sundaes, McDonalds, chili cheese hot dogs, popcorn at the movies, and a few times candy cigarettes. I now know that you can’t live like that. It creates a lot of problems, some of which my Grandma had. But, there is something to be said for the occasional indulgence. It evokes feelings of joy, it’s comforting, and it’s fun. And I’m glad she taught me that. Here’s raising my gin and tonic to Grandma Janet!

…QueenB Says

Stepping Up

2010-12-21T07:10:00.000-08:00

For the past month or so I have been involved in a project at work. It’s completely outside of my realm of responsibility, but I’m thoroughly enjoying it and it has turned out great.

The gym at work is kind of a pet project of our CEO and I stepped up to the plate to get it done. Now, by stepped up to the plate I mean I sent him an email saying the new equipment was awesome and who would I talk to about some ideas I had to organize the space and clean it up some. The response was along the lines of “It would be awesome if you would do that”. When the CEO says that, you say yes (just a little career advice from QueenB).

Well, what started as a project to put the equipment in logical space and organize a grand opening turned into creating a complete workout space, organizing a number of weekly fitness classes, even running one myself, and coming up with a communication plan to keep 300 coworkers privy of what is going on. We have cardio equipment, a weight machine, free weights, bosu balls, exercise bands, a full-mirrored wall, a flat screen and DVD player, speakers for your music, an announcement board for activity in the gym and one launched on line, a personal trainer coming in once a week, a bootcamp run by me once or twice a week, another trainer lined up, and a yoga instructor. I mean, really? How awesome is that?

This is one of those things I said YES to that I had to prioritize to make work. And I am so glad I did because getting involved in something completely different showed me some lessons that I needed to be reminded of in my real day-to-day job.

     - You need help to get big things done. And it’s all about how you ask.
     - You have experts around you. And getting them on your team is crucial.
     - You can’t make everyone happy. And you have to be okay with that.
     - You may not get individual recognition. And you have to know that people notice anyway.
     - You have to be passionate about what you are doing. And you have to let people see it.

Signing off as your VP of Fitness…

...QueenB Says

Say Yes

2010-12-15T17:28:00.000-08:00

There is a buzz word going around my workplace these days: integrity. Our definition is that you are integrated, meaning your life is a reflection of your purpose, that you are honest, and that you will do what you say you will. In general, this is bringing out the best in people and the changes that could individually be seen as insignificant are collectively changing the way we interact at work in a very positive way.

The idea that you do what you say you will is important, especially in a line of work where it’s the efforts of dozens or even hundreds of people that must all come together, on time, to create and increase the market share of your product. By agreeing that you will do what you say, you should only agree to what you CAN do. But, there is a small undercurrent of this definition of integrity that has been somewhat troublesome to me. People are saying no to things that they could do with some extra effort or better organization or by enlisting the help of other team members or any number of other ways.

As a general approach to life, I say yes to too much. But I say yes to things because they are exciting and worthwhile and I am passionate about them!

I know that saying yes may require changes. My days are highly scheduled, busy, and I have had to reign things in a bit to be able to focus on me and have the priceless time at home with family (that I blogged about in August). So for me, the ability to say yes to things means I may have to let other things go or get more efficient at what I am already doing.

Making sure that I am clear about what I am pushing off the priority list has been my biggest challenge to this. Why? If I have said yes to it, it is because I find it important or worthwhile and telling someone that “I’m really sorry, but I’m going to have to get to this later” or “I can’t make this happen, is there someone else that can help you” or “With everything else on my plate I just can’t commit to this” or “I changed my mind”… well, telling someone that sucks. But, it’s integrity. And I’m learning to get better at it. Because the better I get at it, the more I can say YES to things that I am passionate about...

...QueenB Says

Put A Little Love In Your He-ea-art...

2010-12-06T10:14:00.000-08:00

The past few years I have been a little bit of a Scrooge. I haven’t really decorated, reluctantly sent out Christmas cards, and have kind of just gone with the flow of what I am supposed to do this time of year. Both this year and last, the huz has asked me what is wrong, perhaps a little more bluntly than that (think “Why are you such a Scrooge?”). So, I’m going to try to answer that and do something about it.

First, let’s look at holidays I do like. I love Thanksgiving. I love Fourth of July. I love my birthday (yes, I know this isn’t officially a holiday in your world). I guess I would say I like them because of a couple of reasons:

They have less expectations and requirements. For me, a few hours of cooking is thoroughly enjoyable. Bathing suits, sun, and mixed drinks? Easy. Obviously, my birthday’s expectations are whatever I want them to be.

They all have more flexibility. Sort of the same thing, but this is about options. You can stay or go or make it big or little. Whatever. For me, these holidays have always been celebrated in different locations, with different people, and in different ways. There are fewer “traditions” you have to be beholden to, so you have freedom to make it be whatever is important to you NOW.

They all celebrate something that is clear. I know, I know, I know what Christmas celebrates, but it’s lost. It’s about parties and presents and food and schedules and balancing family commitments and travel and basically fitting several months worth of spending, mailing, socializing, and eating into one month. It is! At least it seems to me.

So, I've been thinking about how I can really enjoy this year's holiday. Here’s my plan:

1. I’m going to decorate. Tree and everything.

2. I’m going to stay home this Christmas with my husband (we planned it this way for the first time EVER).

3. I’m going to do most of my shopping online. And if I have to do it in the crowd, it will be with hot chocolate and a smile.

4. I’m going to balance out every party or busy night I have with one of nothing to do.

5. I’m going to eat chestnuts. Somehow I’ve never had them and if you see how expensive they are… well, they must be good!

6. I’m going to sit on Santa’s lap.

7. I’m going to make a snowman.

8. I’m going to watch Rudolph, Frosty, A Christmas Story, A Christmas Carol, and Christmas Vacation (that last one is being forced on me) as I did when I was a kid.

9. I'm going to finally put a few Christmas songs on my iPod. And listen to that station in the car.

10. I am going to one of my favorite places in the world, Newcastle. But I will have less of a schedule because I’m there following all of “that”. So, I’m going to look forward to my trip back to Oklahoma, as I always do, but with even more joy!

And last, I’ll read this list every day, just to make sure I’m on track...

Mom, Carrie, Me - Just look how much I loved it then

Still remember this as one of the best gift Christmases. A house and a shopping cart. If I only knew then...

Cousins. We did this every year. I was always Mary. The lead in my mind.

With Grandma. I don't really remember this, but how cool, huh?

Carrie, Emma, Me. The kids definitely make it fun.

...QueenB Says

Lessons from London

2010-11-30T08:04:00.000-08:00

I have spent time in London twice this year. The first time was slightly intimidating. But the good kind, that makes you pay attention and figure it out quickly. So it ended up being exciting and wonderful and filled my head and heart and spirit with joy. The second time I knew my way around, knew where I wanted to go, and truly took the time to travel like I lived there.

A good trip will change you in some way, integrate itself into your way of being. And London has done that for me. Here's how.

It is bold and understated at the same time. I love this. Let me explain this using the way they dress. Everything is in beautiful neutral colors, but nothing faded. Think saturated greys and navies and blacks and chocolates. But in all of that neutral you are going to see some sort of detail that makes it special, maybe pin stripes or interesting seams or fabulous buttons. And the women? They are not afraid of adding in something you would never think of! Red tights! Camel colored boots! A hat with a bow! I want to be regal and sophisticated, but not afraid to add something bold and unexpected. In how I dress, but also in how I do lots of things.

It is diverse. I love the many different aspects of this city. You can sit in an old, noble church like St. Pauls and listen to a witty, humorous priest give his sermon. You can have a meat pie and beer in a pub, listening to raucous locals try to guess your accent and then walk a block to see Phantom of the Opera in one of the most famous theatres in the world. You can see where the Queen lives, admiring the guards in the funny hats and then hop in a cab and eat the best Indian food in Europe. And it seemed to me, at least in London, there is no discrimination. People are different and that is not celebrated, but its more like its not noticed. Like it doesn't even matter. Hello! THAT is equality.

It is surprising. I am often described as intimidating when you first meet me. But you will soon find that I am actually quite warm, interested in you, funny, and quick to laugh. I just take a little bit to warm up to people. I think London is a little bit like that. There is a sophistication to this town that is obvious within the first few minutes of stepping off a train. And if you stay on the surface, never taking the chance to get to know more, it will just stay impenetreble and elitist. But that's not it's nature at all! Just give it some time to show you what it's all about and you fit right in.

This is my kind of place. As I continue to visit other destinations in Europe, I think London will still be the place I think I could live. It suits me some how. I don't know that my life will take me in a direction that living there is possible, but I'll always love to visit and hope to do it even more. With wide eyes and an open spirit...

St. Paul's Catherdral and the Millennium Bridge

Andy Warhol at the Tate Modern Museum

Veeraswamy Indian Restaurant

Traditional British Pub

...QueenB Says

City of Lights

2010-11-23T08:01:00.000-08:00

Every city has a sex and an age which have nothing to do with demography. Rome is feminine. So is Odessa. London is a teenager, an urchin, and this hasn’t changed since the time of Dickens. Paris, I believe, is a man in his twenties in love with an older woman. - John Berger

Dear Paris,

The only problem was that I didn't get to spend enough time enjoying you. You had so much more to show and I had so much more to do. But, what I did enjoy was perfection. Your famous sights were well deserving of their reputations.

From the Eiffel Tower...

To Notre Dame...

And the views from bridges on the Seine...

I couldn't have enjoyed your shops and boutiques any more... unless I had more money to spend of course!

Shakespeare & Co. had the ghosts of F. Scott Fitzgerald and Hemingway wandering around helping me choose the right books.

Your specialty and antique shops were exhilarating.

And the clothes! Oh my...

Tailored shirts at Coton Doux. Jewelry at Lotta Djossou. Boutiques hidden in the side streets of Arrondissement 3 and 4. And the vintage stores I just had to see. I mean, really! Look at the 1950's purse I got from Free P Star for only 20 euros:

But my favorite part was the food! The amazing cassoulet at an unnamed bistro near the Eiffel Tower. The coffee was the best I've ever had, every time. You know that wine goes with everything. The pastry shops on every corner with your macarons:

The best, by far, was Le Basilic. A memorable late dinner at a true French restaurant. A beautiful host greeted us at the door. He showed us to our table and brought us wine. I will forever be searching for anything as wonderful as the foie gras with onions. And cap it off with a flaming dessert!

But dear, sophisticated, elegant Paris, don't you worry. I will be back. And can't wait to see what else we will do and see and eat!

Love, your loyal admirer...

...QueenB

Shut Your Damn Laptop

2010-11-16T08:26:00.000-08:00

I recently gave a short talk in front of about 150 people in my company. The goal was for those of us that went through a 6 month leadership training to tell the rest of the company what we learned and about our "breakthroughs", or things on which we hope to help lead change.

As you know, I am a planner, so I wrote my speech out ahead of time and practiced it in front of the mirror. I always do that. It doesn't ease my nervousness, but it does mask it so others don't notice it so much.

Well, I thought I'd share my speech. Many of you will see some of the concepts I've learned and blogged about mentioned. Here goes:

The title of my breakthrough is "Shut Your Damn Laptop".

To be honest with you, I was not very inspired or excited coming into today and in fact, I didn't even have a story to tell until early this morning. But in preparation, I decided to think about what it is that I got out of this training, what are the things that I will take with me for the rest of my life. And there are 3 main concepts that stick out.

First, is the concept of other-centered listening. You have seen what happens when you actually listen intently and with interest to another person. The energy and enthusiasm goes up drastically. I will be a better listener.

Second, is the concept of planning and follow through. I need to send an agenda if I'm running a meeting, or know what the agenda is if I'm not. I need to come prepared with what I'm supposed to. I need to take notes and commit to action items. And I need to follow through on those commitments. Building better processes and communication for this planning and follow through is something I commit to doing.

Last, and this was the biggest one for me, is the concept of generative coachability. You may be coached by a person, or attend a training and be coached by the instructor, or in some cases you may BE the coach. Well, generative coachability is the ability to coach yourself. To figure out what it is that you can get out of everything you do. This is how I want to live my life. I want to learn something from everything I read, everything I watch, everything I do and participate in to make me a better, smarter, more well-rounded person.

Now, these 3 things have something to do with my breakthrough. A few weeks ago I was in a meeting. It was a brainstorming meeting where we were to come up with new ideas around our upcoming outbound marketing campaign. There were about a dozen people in the room, and if I said 6 people were participating that would be stretching it. The others were staring at a blank sheet of paper, or out the window, or frantically typing on their laptops. And it bugged me. And you know what I did about it? Nothing.

I continued participating and we actually came up with some good ideas, but I didn't do anything about what bothered me. And THAT bothered me too. I thought about it all day and that night, and when I came in the next morning I talked with a few people that I really respect their opinions about it. In telling them how it bothered me and that I wished I would have said something I realized a few things. 1. I did have the authority to say something. 2. I should have said something. and 3. I will say something from now on.

Now, I don't want this to turn into, "Oh no, I'm going to a meeting with Betsy. I better pay attention and not bring my laptop". But I have to wonder. What would have happened if everyone in that room was engaged and participating? What could we have come up with? And what would happen if every meeting here was like that? What would it be like?

Well, I stand for better communication. And since meetings are a huge way we communicate around here, I stand for better communication in meetings. And I will stand up for that when I need to.

But, that is not all. If you are ever in a meeting with me and I am not fully engaged and participating, I give everyone in this room permission to say to me, "Betsy, shut your damn laptop!".

It went over well and I am glad that I stood up and spoke (it was optional). Maybe public speaking is not so bad and I will give even bigger things a try (yes, Emma, I'm talking about Ignite). Maybe...

...QueenB Says

Eat Whatever You Want

2010-11-09T09:16:00.000-08:00

Have you heard about this professor who only ate junk food for 2 months? He lost 27 pounds!

A quick summary: He ate twinkies and brownies and chips, but also a daily vitamin, protein shakes, and a few carrots and he limited his food intake to around 1800 calories a day. Over the course of his diet he lost weight and lowered his cholesterol. His reasons for this diet are documented in the article.

Here are my thoughts:

1. Like I've said before, it is all about math. Figure out how many calories you need and eat 500 a day fewer. (To lose a pound you must have a 3500 calorie deficit. To lose a pound a week, which is healthy, divide by 7 and you get 500). It doesn't matter WHAT you eat!

2. However, there is enough evidence out there that you should eat a more healthy diet... duh. If you need your body to work correctly (workout, repair itself, stay well), then you should eat to support that.

3. I am pretty sure this will NOT become a fad diet, or at least I hope not. But I want to call out a problem with most fad diets (low carb, Atkins, The Zone, paleo, caveman diet); they are all based on high calorie, high fat food. If your goal is to lost weight? You have to really, really watch the total calories. If your goal is to lose fat? Then nuts and red meat are going to make that harder. Eat whatever you want, just know that the diet you are following is a fad and doesn't matter in the long run.

4. You do not have to cut out food you love to lose weight. Again, you do not have to cut out food you love to lose weight. Quit doing that! If you love a brownie or a big bowl of pasta? Eat it. Just compensate for it somewhere else.

5. You have to plan to keep up any form of diet. This dude even planned his days, and it was buying in bulk on the first day because all of his "food" would last though a nuclear war. It takes making a list, planning your meals, preparing food the day before or on Sunday for the week, transporting your food to work with you, and researching what you are putting in your body. I'm important enough to myself to do this... and you should be too.

Now, these are just my opinions. I've formed them by using the ideas myself, reading a lot of books and articles about diet, and by observing others. Take 'em or leave 'em. But most importantly, this post is not intended to encourage or advocate a Twinkie diet! Unless, of course, that would make you happy...

...QueenB Says

Giving Myself a Break

2010-11-02T22:12:00.000-07:00

This is a 2 part post, first part written pre-break and second part written post-break. Here goes...

Part 1
I am heading to London and Paris for 12 days. I am beyond thrilled, of course for the vacation part of it and for the work part of it as well! I've decided to give myself 12 days off from the gym. It's been years since I have taken off that many days in a row. Here's my rationale:

- I will give my body a rest.
- I will overcome a plateau in my fitness.
- I will bring a yoga DVD and do it a few times to keep my muscles working. But, let's be honest, that is not really working out.
- I will be walking about 5-7 miles a day, a little more than double a usual day.
- Mostly? I just don't want to waste the bag space for workout shoes and clothes.

So here are the very mixed feelings I'm having about this right now: I'm definitely thinking about what I'll be eating and drinking and how will that math work if I'm not burning 800 - 1000 calories. I'm focusing on the extra hour a day that I will have to experience something new. I'm reminding myself that I won't lose the muscle and fitness that I've built up in this short of a time. I'm wondering how much the endorphins I get from exercise impact my mood. I'm trying really hard not to beat myself up about this and trying to see it as a great opportunity to let a few expectations go.

So how did it go?

Part 2
I'm back. I didn't work out, I didn't do yoga, and I needed every bit of that bag space. After 12 days of no exercise I'm on the second week of my normal schedule. Here's what my body is feeling:

- I'm sore, but in a good way.
- My hips and shoulders... and pretty much the rest of me... is feeling pretty good. Better than before.
- I didn't gain any weight. My clothes fit exactly the same.
- I didn't lose my "habit" of working out after 12 days off.

How did I feel about not working out? I didn't miss it one bit. I didn't feel guilty about eating whatever I wanted. There was no stress about it at all. Until I got back...

I've been in the gym everyday since. Not to punish myself, but because I truly do love it. I love it as part of my routine and I love how it makes me feel and I love how it makes me look.

So my experiment was a success and a failure. I mean, I did it, sticking to my no working out while in London rule. But, there were no real ah-ha moments. Unless it's proving to myself that I can be balanced and not so regimented... if I want to be.

...QueenB Says

Do you need to change your point of view?

2010-10-12T09:35:00.000-07:00

I am over people on Facebook who complain about their jobs. Stop it. You get on everyone's nerves. And there is a better way to live. Listen up.

In a leadership class I'm taking we had a session on changing your point of view. Here's how it works:

First, you look at some negative stance you have: My job is a boring, worthless activity.

Then you figure out what impact that point of view has on the people around you: You don't work very hard or you bring down morale of your coworkers.

Next, try to understand what benefit you are actually deriving from holding that point of view: By seeing your job as boring and worthless, you justify your decision not to work very hard. Or by seeing your job as boring and worthless, you feel as though you are smarter or better than those you work with.

There will be some diversionary paths in this next step. It could be that your job is boring and worthless and you are smarter than your coworkers. Well, get a better job or make some other change that allows you to meet your own expectations. More likely though, there is a way that you can change your point of view about your job that will be a win-win for everyone. Here's an example of how that works.

My job is a boring and worthless, activity...

Maybe it's not boring. Maybe it's a repetitive activity that you excel at or maybe it's something you visibly accomplish every day. Maybe there are things you could do outside of your daily tasks that would be rewarding, like learning from a mentor or creating a new standard level of excellence. Obviously, many of you have time to spend on the internet as you do your job, so why not use that flexibility to start a blog or learn a language or read some sort of educational material you might be interested in. Perhaps there are other things you can do to challenge yourself, like more output or higher quality or some other measurable goal.

It certainly is not worthless. I mean, they pay you, right? Are you doing something socially meaningful? Are you creating a product or service that keeps people safe or well or functioning in some way? Are you serving people in some way? Are there people that have vast histories and abilities and stories that could be interesting to learn about? Are you making a difference? Perhaps in ways you don't even know and may never know?

Last, you figure out how to word your point of view in a way that fits: My job is a daily rewarding, difference-making activity. My job is a future building, socially rewarding activity. My job is an opportunistic, beneficial activity.

This can work for many points of view that you'd like to change. I'm trying it on with several myself.

But for those of you that view Sunday as the end to your freedom or a day of agony that you have to go to work tomorrow... and for those of you that spend the whole 5 day week counting down the days until you get 2 days off... and for those of you that hate your coworkers... and for those of you that flip out several times a week so much that you feel the need to vent to hundreds of people - realize this, you will spend almost a third of your life working. Make it something you enjoy, are proud of, or at least appreciate. PLEASE. For the rest of us that are sick of your bitching...

...QueenB Says

Run Like A Girl

2010-10-04T07:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I ran my 8th half marathon. I think it is the perfect distance for several reasons: you have to plan and train for it, it's not too hard on your body, and it is a big accomplishment if you finish. This race was the Boulder Half Marathon and they really do it right. It is well organized and limited in size and they have the BEST giveaways. When I got home I told my husband I finished in 2 hours and 17 minutes and he asked me, "What do you think about the whole time?" Well, here goes:

Mile 1 - In races, they usually have you line up based on your average time per mile. I average about 10.5 or 11 minutes per mile. They do this so the slower runners stay out of the way of the faster runners and I always comply. Well, this time I don't. I line up closer to the front. Turns out that everyone must already do this. I am clearly in the right group, as I don't have to run around people or run behind much slower people until I can find a way around or try to get a good pace going while zig zagging. Lesson learned.

Mile 2 - To the left are the foothills, to the right is the smooth, mirror-like reservoir with several hot air balloons taking off above it. It is brisk and sunny. I am running on a dirt road in one of the most beautiful settings and I appreciate it.

Mile 3 - As I am topping a hill in the beginning of mile 3, I hear my friend Megan yell, "Way to go, Betsy". Thanks, I needed that!

Mile 4 - This is where I pass by my friend Mike's house. Last year he made me a sign, a HUGE sign, that said Go Betsy. By far, the highlight of my running career. I didn't let him know I was running this race again, so I don't have a sign. But, the funny thing is, that exuberant feeling I got last year when I saw it? Is there.

Mile 5 - I recently took a public speaking training and the beginning of the session was focused on how your body reacts to the adrenaline: the increased heart rate, shortness of breath, ,shaky voice. Well, my body reacts in a similar way when running a race and I find myself fighting with my lungs to cooperate. Mile 5 is about the time I find myself in a great pace with regular, smooth breathing. Breath in, 3 steps, breath out, 3 steps... ahh.

Mile 6 - This is an out and back race, so we turn around. It's all downhill from here. Well, not literally. I do live in Boulder, you know.

Mile 7 - When you get a group of friends together to go out, there is always that friend that wants to go home before the others. Well, if my body is that group of friends, then my left hip is that person.

Mile 8 - Getting tired, my mind starts to wander. I wonder if that skinny girl in the short skirt knows how much cellulite she has? I will never wear a short skirt to run. I have that same shirt, hello guy that ran the Horsetooth Half Marathon. Hey, is that Keith Richards? Wow, look at that girl's gait... I hope I don't look like that when I run. That lady must be 65 years old... I hope I can still do this when I'm 65.

Mile 9 - Running by Mike's house again. I kind of need to pee. I wonder if I can stop? Maybe I don't need to pee and I just want to stop. Don't. Stop. You'll never get going again. I don't stop.

Mile 10 - Blisters and burping. I bought new running shoes for this run and training. They have been with me for about 2 months of long Sunday runs. My last long run resulted in a big blister on my left foot. And it's back. And it hurts. Also, I only drink water through a race until the last aid station where I grab a Gatorade. I accidentally grabbed a Gatorade at about Mile 5 and I'm reminded why I only drink water. Gatorade burps are gross. Water burps are slightly less gross.

Mile 11 - It's getting close to the end, so what does my Type A personality want to do? Feel for my keys in my pocket. Remember where I parked. Look at what time it is and figure out when I'll be home. Think about what all I need to do today. Plan out the rest of my day so I can get it all done.

Mile 12 - This is where my boot camp mentality starts kicking in. 2 more miles! You run 2 miles in your sleep. Can you run faster? Then do it! Leave everything out here on the road! Leave it HERE! Don't get to the end and wish you had worked harder! This is what you've been training for! It's just your body, you will feel fine in a few hours! Freakin' GO!

Mile 13 - Just a little further. I can see the finish line. It won't be my fastest time, but it will be my second fastest. I am about to complete something that statistics show 98% of the population will never do. I set this goal. I worked for it. And I'm about to finish it. And I OWN it. It is my body and my preparation and my hard work and my desire and my heart that created this. I feel this pride and happiness and excitement every time I finish. And that is why I run like a girl...

...QueenB Says

Are You Kidding Me?

2010-09-29T09:50:00.000-07:00

I am not in a good place today. I'm actually pretty angry and sad and frankly, beat down. Last Saturday, my husband and I were in a 7 car pile up. A whole lot of chaos is how I would describe it, but it came down to a truck that didn't stop and rear ended us. It was scary and violent, and luckily we both walked away unhurt. Now I have either another totalled car or one that will take 6-8 weeks to repair.

For the third time in 4 months I am dealing with a major insurance situation. The first was a head on collision in May, where a 19 year old girl ran a red light. The second was a burst pipe in the house that caused a lot of damage to 3 floors. And now... ugh.

I get that I am supposed to be thankful that we are okay, and I am.

I get that I need to focus on the really good things in my life, and I know I have a lot of good things.

I get that things are out of my control and I have to just deal with it as it comes, and I clearly am doing that.

But, I am PISSED!

Wow, it feels good to say that. And I'm just going to let myself feel that this time. I'll let you know when I'm back to normal...

...QueenB Says

What is Home?

2010-09-21T17:26:00.000-07:00

When you are a child, home means your house. Once out of high school it is your hometown. And as you get older, your home may become where you are most comfortable.

For years, "home" to me has been my parents house or Oklahoma. But recently, I have made a transition. I refer to "home" when talking about many places: home is of course my parents house, Oklahoma, Colorado, and my house in Lafayette.

Does that mean I'm growing up? I suppose so.

Home is not a place anymore, really. It's more about what I identify with. It's where I feel at ease. It's where I know exactly what to do and where everything is. It's where I recharge or feed the fire of inspiration. It's where I am comfortable and relaxed.

I love thinking about home in those terms. It expands the boundaries of what I can consider home. I feel all of those things in my career and at my workplace. I feel like that when I look pretty. I feel that when I am at brunch with my girlfriends. I feel like that when I am exercising. I feel like that when I spray on my favorite perfume. And I cannot wait until I feel that comfortable in my own skin all the time, and home is just with me, everywhere...

...QueenB Says

Fear, Schmear...

2010-09-16T15:15:00.000-07:00

Growing up I never had a fear of flying. After college I had a job that was more than 50% travel and I flew all over the place. All of my jobs since then have required some travel. I moved far enough away from home that I have been required to fly back for several years. I did all of this with a lot of excitement and ease!

But, about 4 years ago I was on a bad flight. It was a little commuter jet that hit a ton of turbulence over Dallas and I've never been the same since. I have had to use a lot of techniques to get through flights since this happened: breathing, counting, drinking a cocktail, etc.

Well, I am happy to report that in the past year I have had several experiences with planes that have helped me manage and almost conquer this fear! Here's what I think helped and maybe some ideas for addressing fears in general:

1. Diving in. I rode in the cockpit. I got to see it all in action and see how you manage a plane. It's much more complex than driving, but still manageable for 1 or 2 people.

2. Asking questions. The pilots that I rode with answered my barrage of questions. I was honest about my fear of flying and they did not make me feel inferior or as if my questions were insignificant. And I asked a hundred. Maybe a few more.

3. Research. I was fortunate enough to tour an aircraft manufacturing plant last week. Are you kidding me? They test, double test, break things, try to break them again, research, and have hundreds of people working to make planes safe. I was thoroughly impressed. And trust me, I was looking for a reason to doubt the quality.

4. Trusting. If you ever get the chance to "feel" how the autopilot works, you should. It is instantaneously reactive to anything in the atmosphere. It's so fast that you hardly even feel it. Blew me away.

5. Appreciate. I took a chance to appreciate the innovation. We can fly. Say that out loud. Isn't that kind of cool? I took a chance to appreciate the convenience. I can get to Oklahoma in about an hour. I can be in Europe in 12 hours. That is freaking awesome. And I took a chance to appreciate the beauty. It's a totally different perspective. It's gorgeous up there...

...QueenB Says

Meet QueenB's Mom

2010-09-07T18:26:00.000-07:00

The other day I had to sew a button on, something I learned to do from my mom. She made me a sewing kit when I left home at 18 with lots of stuff I would need, that I still have 15 years later. I needed black thread and as I pulled it out I had to laugh out loud at what I just noticed for the first time. She had written our last name along the top of the spool... AND just in case no one saw that, she had a sticker with our last name stuck to the inside of the spool. All of this to brand a $1 spool of thread! Growing up my mom wrote our name faithfully with black magic marker on EVERYTHING. School supplies, backpacks, clothing, shoes, and obviously spools of thread. She still labels all of her things today.

This is something that I learned from my mom that I don't embrace. In fact, I guess you can say that it is something that I rebel against for a couple of reasons. It devalues my things. I don't understand the concept of labeling things that are intended to stay in your house. If I leave the house with them, I'm pretty sure that I'm going to be able to hang onto it. Most of the things you would label are inexpensive so I tend to be okay if I lose or misplace something because then I can replace it with a NEW something. That's my recycling. I guess it caught me off guard and struck me as funny last week to notice that I have something in my house with my name clearly labeled on it for safe keeping. And I will keep this spool of thread forever because of it.

There is no doubt that my mom is a wonderful woman. She is sweet, smart, funny, pretty, good natured, giving, loving, and will kick your ass if she needs to. A lot of the woman I am today is due to my mom.

So this spool of thread got me to thinking about what my mom has taught me. And I can think of dozens, maybe hundreds, of things I learned. And only a few that I ultimately rejected, all of which are as insignificant as writing your name on your belongings. As a parent I suppose that is what you aim to do, raise a child you are proud of by sharing your wisdom and values and hope that you raise one that embraces them.

So thanks mom for sharing all the wonderful things with me. Here are the most useful things that I learned from my mom:

Be nice to everyone. That is what makes you popular. The example she always gave was that you never knew how what you did might effect someones day or life. She would go back to high school reunions and have people she could not even remember comment "how wonderful it is to see one of the nicest people I knew back then".
Dress for the job you want, not the job you have. This one I clearly took to heart. She always dressed us well, bought me my first suit, and continues to hem and tailor my clothes.
Stand up for what is right and fair. I still remember when she stood up to a creepo (she uses that word a lot) and he never bothered her or us again!
Always fix your hair and makeup before you leave the house. Besides getting you in the right mental state to accomplish things, the few times I have not done this I always run into someone I know.
Read. A lot. Being well read lets you hang in any conversation and usually lead it.
Only boring people get bored. There is too much that life has to give for you to ever resort to being bored. Find something to inspire you.
Say no with grace and compassion.
A smile makes everyone prettier. :-)

Thanks, Mom...

...QueenB Says

How to Dress for Night Life

2010-08-31T13:43:00.000-07:00

I am going to admit something to you. When I am dressing to go out at night I spend too much time figure out what to wear. I stand in front of the mirror in dozens of combinations and fret about my clothes. It's gotten to the point that I start planning my outfit for a night out a few days ahead of time. In fact, I laid in bed last night for an hour thinking about what I'm going to wear on Labor Day weekend when we have several people in town and we will be going out about 3 nights in a row.

So... I'm creating some rules, based on what I know now and what I am trying to incorporate.

1. You have to feel comfortable. Not pajamas comfortable, just not messing with your clothes uncomfortable. I bought the hottest dress a few weeks ago and decided to wear it to a party. The day before I tried it on and couldn't get it to sit right and I felt like I had to suck my tummy in and kept messing with the cowl-neck and straps. I'm taking the dress back.
2. Never wear new shoes when you'll have to walk or you are going out dancing.
3. Only give one hint. I mean, if you have a short skirt then you don't show cleavage. If you show cleavage then wear pants or a longer skirt. If you are wearing skin tight then make sure it covers more area. Note: If you cannot wear skin tight, don't. Please. I have times when I'm bloated or it just highlights the wrong thing too. Don't subject every one else to it!
4. Silk, satin, sparkles, beading, rouching, flashy jewelry, fun make up, fake eyelashes, all those things you want to try but never do? Try it.
5. Consider your surroundings. Boulder going out clothing is much different that Denver going out clothing. Dallas going out clothing is much different than London going out clothing. If you would wear it to a brunch wedding shower, then it is probably not evening wear.
6. Make sure your accessories are right. Get a clutch or a small purse. Your jacket or coat cannot be your normal, every day jacket. I think flats are a no no, but I guess if they are dressy and appropriate I'll give you a hall pass.
7. Learn how to do an updo. Just don't ever use plastic clips to hold it in place. An updo will take a normal outfit and make it much dressier.
8. If you can make jeans work for where you are going then they must be fitted, dark wash, long, straight leg jeans. No pleats, no poofing, no fading, no bagginess.
9. If you ever find a dress you love and think "I'll never have anywhere to wear it", buy it. And always have one of these in your closet.
10. It is always better to be over dressed than under dressed. Always...

...QueenB Says

How I'm Prioritizing

2010-08-23T08:41:00.000-07:00

I was in a boot camp class a few years ago. During the winter months we would go inside to the basketball courts to do all of our exercises. One of our cardio segments we would do involved running in a single file line around the perimeter of the court. The person that was last in line was to break out of the line, pass everyone, and ultimately become the leader. Once they made it, then the person who was now at the end of the line did the same thing. We did this until everyone had gone through sprinting to the front. There is a phenomenon that happens as people sprint to the front, they are supposed to slow down to the group pace, but after sprinting it's easy to slightly increase your average "pace". That means every person that gets to the front slightly increases the group pace, causing a gradual acceleration that is doubly exhausting. Also, the more people, the longer it took. So, if the class was especially large then you could end up doing several laps to get through the entire line.

Our lives are a little bit like that exercise, right? We have lots of priorities that are all trying to get to the front. We can only focus on thing at a time for the most part. Every time you add a priority the line gets longer. The more priorities you have the longer everything takes. The faster you try to go the faster everything has to go. And the more tired you get.

Just saying all of that makes me want to take a deep breath!

I made the decision a few months ago to start prioritizing better. I've quit adding new hobbies, like an art history class or a cooking class, every time I get an inclination. I'm working normal hours. I turned down a few professional development opportunities. I'm staying in more evenings. And the most difficult decision was to not return to my hip hop troupe this fall.

It's led to a slower pace that I've found I really enjoy and appreciate. It's making me enjoy the things I am doing more. It's given me time to focus on myself and know what I want in life. And it's made me love my life and my home and my family and my job even more.

I know that when I do find interests that will take my time and cycles they will be inspirational and worth it. I know that when I do spend time developing my skills professionally that it will make a difference in my abilities and earning capacity. And I know that when I go back to hip hop, I will be in a more artistic and expressive place. Why? Because I am only doing the things that mean something to me and because I am happier...

...QueenB Says